If Joe Paterno is Still a Lion, What Makes John McCain Prey?

Is John McCain too much of a potential Death Pool pick to be elected president? It's a question to which we have already covered the thoughts of Nobel Prize winning theoretical mathematician Chuck Norris. (We know, we know... Chuck Norris doesn't get awarded Nobel Prizes; Nobel Prizes get awarded Chuck Norrises.)

But now a new theory has come to light. In a Lancaster County News article entitled "Is McCain too old? Most seniors taking morning walks today agree: nope," 76 year old East Hempfield Township resident Herb McCollom disagrees with Walker, Texas Ranger:

McCollom said people often question the vigor of older people, adding, "The same thing has happened to Joe Paterno."

He is not wrong. if Joe Pa, can do it, McCain can. To take the McCollom Theory to its logical end, a McCain presidency of 8 years, would give us 4 years here we lose battle after battle, and are derided, but a few years where we are above average, and one great year. Oh, and McCain will need some really thick glasses.

You know...the country 8 years from now would have been better off if McCollom had just compared McCain to Jack Nicholson. I would have at least likes a look at McCain's Bucket List.

By the way, no- the article does not say what seniors who are not taking morning walks today believe about this issue.

[Lancaster County News]
[Independent]

How to Avoid the "Bucket List"

For all of you who thought smoking was a smart thing to do, you can thank Jack Nicholson for shattering that illusion for you.

"Look, nobody should smoke. It is not so much that you fear that moment when somebody comes in and says, 'That's it. You're dead. You smoked too much.' Well, that's not the real fear. "The real fear is going through now the process and thinking, 'I'm dying of stupidity.' This is the self-recrimination about it."

At least his stupidity will probably garner Death Pool points for someone in the somewhat near future.

[PR Inside]

Nicholson's Not Dead but I Heard His Agent is

Celebrity publicist Paul Wasserman, the music industry giant known as "Wasso" whose clients included the Rolling Stones, the Who, Linda Ronstadt, Bob Dylan and Neil Diamond, has died. He was 73.

During his four-decade career, Wasserman represented Lee Marvin, Dennis Hopper, Jack Lemmon, Jack Nicholson and George C. Scott. He also publicized such films as "Cat Ballou," "Easy Rider," "Annie Hall" and "Star Wars."

But an investment scheme ended his career in 2000. Wasserman was jailed for using the names of famous clients like Nicholson and U2 to swindle some of his closest non-celebrity friends.

[International Herald Tribune]

You Want His Health?

You Can't Handle His Health! But he can. In fact, he can recover and then channel it for a movie role. And then he can talk about that to MTV. And go to Laker games. And be awesome at the Oscars. Why? because he's Jack. He's Jack and you're not. He can laugh in the face of illness:

MTV: Your next film, "The Bucket List," could very well have you back in the running for awards.
Nicholson: It was a difficult thing for me. I wanted to work with [director] Rob [Reiner] and Morgan, but I got a little medical issue before it, and I kind of panicked. I didn't know if I'd have the endurance. I got crazy a little bit. [Editor's note: Nicholson was reportedly hospitalized for a gland infection in 2006.]
MTV: The film is about men facing their mortality. I'd assume those thoughts were all the more front and center for you then.
Nicholson: I won't say that I didn't use things that I found in my time in the clutches of medical situations. [He laughs.] For sure.

The clutches of medical situations don't stop Jack. He's Jack. God's going to need to order a code red to kill off Jack.

[MTV]