Abraham Lincoln's Emancipation Constipation

Today is the 143rd anniversary of Abraham Lincoln being shot at Ford's Theatre. He died a day later, on Tax Day. Every grade schooler knows that it was John Wilkes Booth who killed the 16th President. What you may not know, however, is that may not be true. At least according to Palo Alto physician and amateur historian John Sotos, who says that President Abraham Lincoln was suffering from a lethal genetic cancer syndrome when he was shot.

"Lincoln was a rare man with a rare disease," said Sotos. He has self-published a 300-page book and 400-page database to support his conclusion, based on an exhaustive analysis of Lincoln photographs and historical eyewitness descriptions of the president's health. "This solves a puzzle."

Lincoln's health has fascinated medical sleuths. In 1962, it was suggested that his great height and long limbs were linked to a genetic disorder called Marfan syndrome. Others have proposed alternate ailments - Ehlers-Danlos syndrome, perhaps, or Stickler syndrome. Some say he suffered from depression or exhaustion.
The late president's health had long puzzled Sotos.

Not yet done, Sotos and others speculate about illnesses that other U.S. Presidents suffered from at the time of their deaths.

George Washington may have suffered dementia during his last years in office; James Madison suffered seizures; Calvin Coolidge grew depressed after the death of his son; after a lifetime of heavy drinking, Franklin Pierce died of cirrhosis of the liver...He diagnosed severe sleep apnea in William Taft and graphed the president's weight gains and losses.

After reading an article about thyroid cancer last year, Sotos pieced his theory together. It explained President Lincoln's lanky build, chronic constipation, hooded eyes, asymmetric jaw and the lumps on his lips, he said. Lincoln's health was already weakening at the time of his assassination.

We fear that maybe Sotos is just trying to cover up for President Lincoln's bad looks and chronic constipation. While President Lincoln's ass may have been his primary concern, it was inevitably Lincoln's assassination that brought him down twice as hard.

[San Jose Mercury News]