Jailhouse Crack

Maybe this guy just saw the "Shawshank Redemption" and really really really didn't want to meet the sisters. Maybe, like George Michael Bluth, he watched "Oz" by accident as a child thinking it was "The Wizard of Oz." All I can tell you is that this mean really didn't want to go to jail. That's the only way to explain swallowing a plastic bag full of crack cocaine.

Speaking of places you may not want to visit, we present you today's first birthday...

Today is somebody's Birthday! Whose Birthday? Accused War Criminal John Demjanjuk's Birthday. How Old Is He? 1,2,3,4... 88! And Never been Kissed By... Death

John Demjanjuk's name appears on "BestDeathPoolRosterEver.BlogSpot.Com's"and "Genesis 6:7's" rosters

• Demjanjuk's American citizenship has been revoked. He is appealing. If Demjanjuk loses all appeals, he would remain in the United States if no other country is willing to accept him. This is a likely outcome, according to his attorneys, since European countries are reluctant to accept the aged and infamous. In that case, Demjanjuk would become a stateless alien and would lose all Social Security benefits.

Well I'm going to lose all my Social Security too and I didn't even commit any war crimes.

Today is somebody else's Birthday! Whose Birthday? Actress Doris Day's Birthday. How Old Is She? 1,2,3,4... 84! And Never been Kissed By... Death

Doris Day's name appears on "Remains to Be Seen's" and "Do Not Resuscitate's" rosters

• Day is known for her interest in animal welfare. For many decades she has stopped her car on Los Angeles freeways when she saw an abandoned, stray, or hit animal.

LA doesn't have enough traffic as is. Thank you Doris Day for creating more. A dead squirrel is well worth it.

Today is somebody else's else's Birthday! Whose Birthday? Singer and Entertainer Wayne Newton's Birthday. How Old Is He? 1,2,3,4... 66! And Never been Kissed By... Death

Wayne Newton's name appears on "Extended Weekend at Bernie's" roster

• Newton was featured on the 2007 fall season of "Dancing with the Stars" partnered with Two Time Champion Cheryl Burke. He became the third contestant to be eliminated from the contest. He also received the all-time worst score in the Tango.

In his case, I guess it takes more than two to tango.

... And Many More!