Friday, February 23, 2007

TWID Notes - Brunei National Day Edition

This Week in Death brings you: Notes from around the pool! We dive in for the 200 meter crawl event and we take you from the shallow to the deep end, and catch you up on all the news you need to know to be an educated death pool competitor.

No points were earned this week... a disappointing performance by El Esta Adead. On to the Health Notices...

Forget Health... Even Age Doesn't Affect Castro; Niece Says He is "Stupendous"
Fidel Castro's niece said Sunday he was recovering well from surgery and would likely be "very active" again in Cuba's government. "Fidel is stupendous," said Mariela Castro Espin, daughter of acting President Raul Castro. Fidel Castro, 80, has disappeared from view since temporarily ceding power to his younger brother, aside from occasional videotaped meetings with foreign visitors.

Next Recovery Step, Piper to Pick a Peck of Pickled Peppers

Legend Rowdy Roddy Piper has been out of action since being diagnosed with cancer in November, but made his first RAW appearance in his hometown of Portland. Looking better than he has in ages, I might add. With tears in his eyes, he took in the thunderous standing ovation given by the fans.

Johnson Improves, Still not an Ambi-turner
South Dakota Senator Tim Johnson has left a Washington hospital and entered a private facility to continue rehabilitation. Part of Johnson's therapy has been to deal with weakness on his right side.
Johnson will continue undergoing physical, occupational and speech therapy. Doctors say he's made "great progress" and that another test showed no evidence of the tangled arteries that triggered his brain hemorrhage in mid-December.

Farrakhan to Say Nation of Islam, not Life
Nation of Islam leader Louis Farrakhan is heading into what's billed as his final major address Sunday, and some Muslims are wondering whether the fiery orator - slowed by poor health - will try to repair old divisions between his movement and mainstream Islam.

And now: Death! In points-less form...

Britney's Hotness Officially Laid to Rest. Why do These Tears Come at Night?
Family and friends fear for health of pop superstar Britney Spears after she shaved off her own hair during a bizarre outing in Los Angeles on Friday. The singer and mother of two stunned fans and paparazzi photographers when she walked into a hairdressing salon in the city and asked a stylist to cut all her hair off.

Prime Minister of Chad No Longer Hanging On
Chad's Prime Minister Pascal Yoadimnadji died from a brain hemorrhage in Paris on Friday after he was flown there for urgent treatment following a heart attack. He was 56.

Beer King Hops Off; Who is On Tap to Fill his Boots?
Alan D. Eames, a beer historian and author whose globe-trotting research into exotic brews and their origins earned him the nickname "The Beer King," has died. He was 59. "He used to say that beer is food, nourishing to the body and the soul."

"Now There's a Steal by Bird... Underneath to DJ... He Lays to Rest"
Dennis Johnson, the star NBA guard who was part of three championships and teamed with Larry Bird on one of the great postseason plays, died Thursday after collapsing at the end of his developmental team's practice. He was 52.

Death and Taxes... TWIT to Follow. We Remain...

The Commissioner's Council

Saturday, February 17, 2007

TWID Notes - The Valentine's Edition

This Week in Death brings you: Notes from around the pool! We ride Cupid's Golden Arrows as they take us from the shallow to the deep end, and catch us up on all the news we need to know to be an educated death pool competitor.

Fare thee well, Charlie Norwood and Maurice Papon. Watch out, rest of El Esta Adead's roster... Fair Warning.

Johnson unfazed by low-functioning brain - Back to Work
Sen. Tim Johnson is reading news clippings and starting to do some office work from the hospital, almost two months after suffering a life-threatening brain hemorrhage.

Ali Khamenei in danger of becoming Ali Coma-nei
The War of the Persian Succession is on, as Supreme Leader Ali Khamenei's worsening condition becomes an open secret. His bad health is discussed in the Iranian press, and in the last week the former president and the supporters of potential successors have begun literally and figuratively fighting each other all over the country.,pubID.25615/pub_detail.asp

And now, other deaths. We mourn their losses and hope that they were picked in the Death Pool in the Sky...

Good Genes Gone Bad. Guaranteed Not to Run for Reelection
Former Congressman M.G. "Gene" Snyder, who represented Kentucky for 11 terms in the House of Representatives, died late last night in Naples, Fla., according to a family friend. He was 79.

The tragedy was that Triumph the Insult Comic Dog had Mustard... For Him to Poupon!
Ian Richardson died Friday at age 72, his agent said. In addition to his many stage, screen and TV roles, Richardson also appeared in one of the mustard commercials as the man in the Rolls-Royce who asked, "Pardon me, would you have any Grey Poupon?"

At last, Her Feet Finally Rest
Florence Zacks Melton, who took a material invented as a helmet liner for World War II tank crewmen and turned it into cushy foam-rubber slippers that have soothed billions of tired feet and have been a familiar gift for four decades, died Jan. 8 near her home in Boca Raton, Fla. She was 95.

Hit The Mute Button for a Moment of Silence
Robert Adler, the co-inventor of the wireless television remote control, has died at the age of 93 in Idaho, Zenith Electronics said in a statement on Saturday.

We're Just glad El Esta Adead didn't pick us...

The Commissioner's Council

Friday, February 9, 2007

TWID Notes - The TWIDDD Edition

This Week in Death brings you: Notes from around the pool! We ride Anna Nicole Smith's flotation devices and take you from the shallow to the deep end, and catch you up on all the news you need to know to be an educated death pool competitor.

Goodbye Frankie Laine. We Barely knew ye, but we are sorry your name was Frankie and not just Frank.

We will push off health notices and start this week, for two big reasons, with Notable, albeit points-less, deaths...

Do You Still Have to Sleep with Heff in the Playboy Mansion in the Sky?
Anna Nicole Smith died Thursday at a South Florida hospital after being discovered unconscious in her hotel room. The reality TV star, Playboy Playmate and former Guess model was 39.

Mod Squad Captain Makes his Final Arrest
Tige Andrews, the Emmy-nominated character actor who portrayed a police captain in charge of a trio of hip, young crime fighters in "The Mod Squad," has died. He was 86. Andrews died January 27 of cardiac arrest at his home in the San Fernando Valley of California, his family said.

White Gives up Track, Will Stay in Field
Willye B. White, who willed her way out of the Mississippi Delta cotton fields and became the first American track and field athlete to compete in five Olympics, died yesterday in Chicago. She was 67.

After Steve and Barber-O, Tiki and Ronde Better Be Careful
Steve Barber, the first 20-game winner in modern Baltimore Orioles history and the losing pitcher in one of baseball's wildest no-hitters, has died. He was 67.

This Must be the Only Thing Jack Can't Prevent
Hank Bauer, a hard-hitting, hard-nosed outfielder for the New York Yankees and former major league manager who made his home in the Kansas City area, died today after a battle with cancer. He was 84.

And Some Health News to Report...

Norwood Pulls a Buchwald; He is on His Own
US Representative Charlie Norwood has decided not to receive any more hospital care for lung cancer. The popular congressman declined a surgery to remove a tumor on his liver, and tonight he's back home in Augusta.

If Only TWID Would Have Come Up With This...Hmm...

There are two inescapable facts of life. Death and taxes. Obit Magazine's planned launch has definitely been "taxing." The "lifestyle of death" publication was scheduled to be born this month. However, the birth has been pushed back until midyear. Bob and Barbara Hillier, publishers, are partners in a local Princeton newspaper, Town Topics.

We are one tenth of the way through... Congratulations to Die Hard on his early lead. Don't worry everyone, it's a long year. There is much death to come.

The Commissioner's Council

Saturday, February 3, 2007

TWID - Groundhog Edition

This Week in Death brings you: Notes from around the pool! We take you from the shallow to the deep end, and catch you up on all the news you need to know to be a Syms-like educated death pool competitor.

It's been a wild week in death. Goodbye Marcheline Bertrand, Sidney Sheldon, Gian Carlo Menotti. We hope Elton John writes a song about you. Your candle burned out long ago, their legend never did.

He is also Going to Start Rolling his Weed in Parchment Paper
Keith Richards has taken a health conscious move - he has started drinking organic vodka. The Rolling Stones rocker, who is renowned for his drink and drug use, was encouraged to go organic by bandmate Ronnie Wood's wife, Jo Wood.

Farrakhan Fare of Health
Nation of Islam leader Louis Farrakhan has been released from a hospital and is expected to speak Feb. 25 in Detroit in what could be his last major public address.

Fidel Healthy Enough to Play Field (The Joke is that Fidel and Field are Anagrams)
Cubans lined up Wednesday to buy official newspapers featuring photographs of a stronger-looking Fidel Castro, with the communist government eager to show he is recovering after a half-year out of power.

Six-ty And Sick-Free!
Farrah Fawcett got an unbeatable gift for her 60th birthday: a clean bill of health. The actress, who revealed in October that she was fighting cancer, learned this week that she is cancer-free, spokesman Mike Pingel said Friday.

Happy Birthday to Sharon's Coma... And You Smell Like One Too
The family of Ariel Sharon has said it believes the former Israeli prime minister will emerge from his coma and return to health as its vigil by his hospital bed reached its first anniversary.

Finally, a Reason to Watch the Super Bowl
Sunday's pregame show will be for more than six hours, beginning at 10 a.m. with the traditional Road to the Super Bowl, a detailed highlight film of the 2006 season. Also scheduled is a report on Bill Walsh and his current health struggles.

It's a Shame No One Can Help him Commit Suicide
Kevorkian is 78 and reportedly suffers from a number of health ailments, including diabetes, hepatitis C, vertigo, high blood pressure and hardening of the arteries.

Long Live the King!
B.B. King's ill is gone. The 81-year-old bluesman was released from a Galveston, Texas hospital Saturday where he was admitted on Thursday for flu-like symptoms, including a low-grade fever. After a round of antibiotics, King was back to his old self and feeling fabulous, according to a spokeswoman for his management agency.

And Now, a few notable, albeit point-less deaths

Ned Ryerson: "You Know Who Died? BING!"
Bing Devine, the St. Louis general manager who helped build Cardinals teams that won three National League pennants and two World Series in the 1960s, died Saturday. He was 90.
Who Knows seven? I know seven! Seven are the deaths in Death Pool...

The Commissioner's Council