Fidel Castro and the Cuban Viral Crisis

First there was the Melissa virus, then the I Love You virus, now – it is Castro himself who is infiltrating the United States’ computers, assumedly – via raft. An email is circulating claiming to contain a news video from a “major Hispanic TV network” showing a grieving Hugo Chavez alongside el Presidente’s, Fidel Castro’s, coffin.

According to the Websense security blog, the enticing message is as follows:

"This morning, inside his residence in Languito, the Cuban dictator Fidel Castro died. Video of Hugo Chavez (Venezuela's President) crying next to his casket. Image of Fidel Castro inside a casket. Here are exclusive Images and Video. According to official news, Cuban dictator Castro had been in critical condition for the past few days and suffered an unexpected heart attack."

Of course, if this was real news, you would have seen it right here. The lesson, as always: Don’t take candy from strangers; Don’t take death news from email. Buy your candy from a certified candy shop; Get your death news from bestdeathpoolever.blogspot.com.

Apparently, this whole charade is nothing more than an attack from a malware site in Korea. This comes after we gave them the New York Philharmonic. Jeez, if it’s not nuclear, it’s viral.

Remember trust bestdeathpoolever.blogspot.com for your death news, or the terrorists win…

[SC Magazine]

Castro Steps Down Without Tripping

Fidel Castro is our most-covered celebrity. He's the Paris Hilton of health updates, the Britney Spears of, well, maybe that's not the best celebrity to compare to. But boy does Castro know how to stay in the spotlight.

Fidel Castro resigned as president and commander-in-chief of Cuba, after almost 50 years as the country's leader, the official daily Granma said.

Castro, 81, the world's longest serving president, seized power in Cuba almost a half-century ago promising liberty and economic justice only to turn the Caribbean island into a communist bastion and a flashpoint of the Cold War.

Although there is no indication that his resignation stemmed directly from a new bout with illness, Castro for several years now has seen his health deteriorate. In the summer of 2006 he stepped down temporarily, yet still maintained some control over the government while working with his brother, Raul, the interim leader.

He's been in power for so long that three out of four Cubans have never lived under a different ruler. During the time Castro was in power, nine different presidents served for the United States.

[Bloomberg]

Fidel Castro is the Brett Favre of Foreign Rulers

There are many reasons for this:

1. They both attended Universities - Brett to "of Mississippi." Fidel to "of Havana."
2. They both potentially throw missiles - Brett with his right arm. Fidel in the midst of a Cuban crisis.
3. Brett lives in Green Bay. Fidel has been converting Cuban agriculture towards greener methods of organic farming.
4. Ben Stiller has trouble pronouncing both names in their native tongues

But there is one overriding reason: Like Favre, Fidel Castro thought he was ready to call it quits in 2006. In a newly crafted letter that appeared on the front page of state newspapers, Fidel Castro says:

"When I fell gravely ill the night of the 26th and dawn of the 27th of July, I thought that would be the end... And while the doctors fought for my life, the head aide of the Council of State read at my urging the text and I dictated the necessary arrangements."

Castro, of course, has not been seen in public since July 31, 2006 immediately following his intestinal surgery. He is recovering in an undisclosed location and his condition and exact ailment are carefully guarded secrets.

Brett Favre on the other hand is out there for anyone to see.

[International Herald Tribune]

Castro Continues Reign of Overthrowing Opposition

It seems that Fidel Castro and Death have been engaged in a fight for his soul. We spectators to this ongoing war have found it to be exciting and entertaining. However, there comes a time when one side must prove victorious. And sometimes the villain - Death in this example is the hero - escapes in the end.

Cuban President Fidel Castro appears healthy enough to resume more of his official duties, Brazil's President Luiz Inacio Lula da Silva said after meeting the ailing leader in Havana yesterday.

"Fidel is incredibly lucid and impeccably healthy," Lula said.

Others agreed.

"It's too early to write Castro off, his recovery has astonished everybody," Antoni Kapcia, director of the center of research on Cuba at Nottingham University, said.

We just hope they haven't decided to make it best two of three. Castro is quite a competitor.

[Bloomberg]

He's Not Healthy, He's My Brother

It was this time last year that reports came out that there was no chance of Fidel Castro living through 2007. Yet here we are at the end of the year, and Castro is still with us. What does 2008 have in store for the Cuban leader?

The brother of Cuban leader Fidel Castro says Mr. Castro's health is improving. Interim Cuban President Raul Castro says his 81-year old brother is in full control of his mental faculties, and has been exercising regularly -- regaining weight and muscle mass.

President Fidel Castro temporarily handed over power to his brother Raul in July of 2006, after undergoing intestinal surgery.

It sounds like Castro's now coasting in the right direction, toward health and freedom from disease.

[VOANews.com]

I hope Napoleon and the Other Pigs Take Care of Fidel Castro

All those attempts to assassinate Fidel Castro may finally be paying off. You know, 40 years later. Castro tells CubaVision TV that he is considering retirement:

"My basic duty is not to cling to office, nor even more so to obstruct the rise of people much younger, but to pass on experiences and ideas whose modest value arises from the exceptional era in which I lived," Castro said in the letter read on Cuban television.

If I understood "Animal Farm" correctly, Castro is about to get turned into glue.

[Earthtimes]

TWID - White Cane Safety Day Edition

This Week in Death brings you: This Week in Death! Below are all the notes and news to cover a week's worth of health and death. There are more health notices than the sight-less can read, and more death than blind people on freeways. How is Tim Johnson this week? What's the latest on Fidel Castro? Which Music or TV persona - whom I have never heard of - died? (Hint: It's Bud Ekins) We don't need a seeing-eye dog to lead us down this path, we have TWID to mark the way....

No points deaths... means we jump right to Health...

With Kennedy, It's More Removing the Artery from the Blockage
Sen. Ted Kennedy was released from the hospital Saturday, following a procedure Friday to remove an artery blockage, a spokeswoman for the Massachusetts Democrat said."Senator Kennedy was released from Massachusetts General Hospital today following Friday's successful surgery to remove blockage in his carotid artery. After a few days of rest at home in Hyannis Port, the senator will return to the Senate," said Melissa Wagoner. Kennedy's office said the blockage was discovered "as part of a routine evaluation of Senator Kennedy's back and spine."
[CNN]

Next Time on the Castro/Chavez Super Fun Variety Hour... Fidel and Hugo Perform a Special Version of "Afternoon Delight"
Fidel Castro made his first live appearance on Cuban airwaves since falling ill 14 months ago, sounding lucid and in good humor as he exchanged praise and jokes Sunday with the Venezuelan president. Castro's telephone call to a television and radio program came minutes after visiting Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez aired a new videotape of their weekend meeting in which he sang revolutionary hymns to Castro and called him "father of all revolutionaries." "I am very touched when you sing about Che," Castro told Chavez during his hour-long call to Chavez's "Alo, Presidente!" program — referring to revolutionary icon Ernesto "Che" Guevara, to whom the program was dedicated. "There is electricity in the air," Chavez said, obviously pleased with Castro's call.
[Yahoo!]

Big Stein to Have Plenty of Time for Ham and Cheese with the Fancy Mustard
The George Steinbrenner era is apparently all but over. According to a report in the New York Post, the "Boss" has handed over control of the New York Yankees to his sons Hank and Hal Steinbrenner as he faces up to declining health. George Steinbrenner, 77, was seldom seen at Yankee Stadium this season, attending only three games as his health kept him away. The Post reported that the final details of the new arrangement are yet to be determined — something that will happen in meetings scheduled for Tampa, Florida next week — but Hank and Hal Steinbrenner are to take over the day-to-day running of the team.
[MSNBC]

♪ Hey, Dakotans, it's me. I bet you thought that I was dead. But when I left the Senate I just had a stroke and got a hemorrhage in my head! ♫
A gathering here Wednesday billed as a forum to discuss farm legislation with Sen. Tim Johnson was from the start as much an opportunity for South Dakotans to assess the health and progress of their ailing senior U.S. senator. Johnson, who suffered a brain hemorrhage last December, took several months to rehabilitate before returning to work in September. He still shows signs of weakness on his right side, has slow speech and has difficulty walking - all effects of the stroke-like illness that suddenly afflicted him. But as Johnson tours South Dakota this week - earlier in Rapid City and on to Sioux Falls today - he says he feels stronger than when he visited the state in late August."I feel good. I feel better ... I hang in there, and it's going good, and I look forward to getting better and better," he said Wednesday.
[Argus Leader]

From health, it's just one small skip to death....

God, This Bud's For You. You'll Know He's Fully Cold When the Mountains on His Skin Turn Blue... Like Your Eyes.
Bud Ekins, a devil-may-care motorcyclist who went from racing through the mountain trails and desert rambles of Southern California in the late 1940s to renown as the stuntman double for Steve McQueen in a 65-foot flight over a barbed-wire barrier, died Saturday in Los Angeles. He was 77 and lived in Hollywood. The death was confirmed by his daughter Susan. Though known for that spine-tingling, if not vertebrae-crunching, leap to freedom while on the run from a German P.O.W. camp in "The Great Escape" (1963) and for some dazzling car stunts as well, Mr. Ekins was far more famous among ardent bikers and weekend fans of motorcycle racing.
[New York Times]

So Long, Farewell, Auf Wiedersehen, Goodbye
Werner von Trapp, a member of the musical family made famous by the 1965 movie "The Sound of Music," has died, his family said. He was 91. Von Trapp died Thursday at his home in Waitsfield. The cause of death was not announced. The family confirmed his death, but declined to comment further. "The Sound of Music" was based loosely on a 1949 book by his stepmother, Maria von Trapp, who died in 1987. It tells the story of an Austrian woman who married a widower with seven children and teaches them music. Born in 1915 in Zell am See, Austria, von Trapp was the fourth child and second son of Captain Georg von Trapp and his first wife, Agathe Whitehead. In the movie "The Sound of Music," Werner von Trapp was depicted by the character named Kurt.
[Yahoo!]

Edwyn Owen Did Believe in Miracles. Unfortunately, His Came Playing Hockey
Edwyn Owen, who played on the 1960 team that won the first Olympic gold medal in ice hockey for the United States, was found dead Friday in a burning car near a park here. He was 71. Autopsy results released Monday said that Owen, who was known as Bob, died of smoke inhalation, thermal burns and heart disease. Investigators have not determined the cause of the fire but said part of the engine probably made accidental contact with dry grass, leading to flames that spread to the car. Owen played on the team that won the gold in Squaw Valley, Calif. He did not play professional hockey after the Olympics. He supported Topeka's minor league hockey teams over the years.
[New York Times]

You Win, Soe, you Lose Soe, Soetimes you Die
Burmese Prime Minister Soe Win has died in a military hospital after a long illness, state media said. Relatives said Gen Soe Win, 59, had been battling acute leukaemia. Since May his duties have been performed by an acting prime minister, Thein Sein. Soe Win's death comes after Burma's military launched a deadly crackdown on anti-government protesters led by the country's revered Buddhist monks. Analysts say his death is unlikely to have much impact on the aftermath.
[BBC]

Wilt Chamberlain, George Mikan -- You're 12th Man Has Arrived
Alec Kessler, a Georgia basketball star who played four seasons for the Miami Heat before becoming an orthopedic surgeon, died after collapsing during a pickup game. He was 40. He appeared to have had a heart attack Saturday in Pensacola, Fla., and was pronounced dead a short time later at Gulf Breeze Hospital, the university said Sunday. Kessler, 6-foot-11, was the captain of Georgia's 1990 Southeastern Conference championship team and became a first-round NBA draft pick. Kessler was an orthopedic surgeon in Pensacola. He graduated from Georgia with a microbiology degree and from the Emory School of Medicine in 1999.
[Yahoo!]

This Week Was Somebody's Birthday! Whose Birthday? Some Death Pool Entrants' Birthdays. How Old Are They? 1,2,3... And Never been Kissed By... Death
Happy Birthday to:
October 10: Harold Pinter (77)
October 12: Bob Sheppard (97)
October 13: Sacha Baron Cohen (36)
October 13: Margaret Thatcher (82)
October 14: John Wooden (97)
October 15: Yitzhak Shamir (92)
... And Many More!!!!!!!!

The points drought continues and, honestly, it's all your fault. The Top 5 remain...
1. El Esta Adead - 76 points (6 deaths)
2. The Ex-Parrots - 62.3 points (6 deaths)
3. Kraut's Picks - 60.9 points (8 deaths)
4. Yiz-score - 54.3 points (4 deaths)
5. Struck Down by Yahweh - 53.6 points (6 deaths)

Paris Hilton may think Stars are Blind; We light the way with TWID...
The Commissioner's Council

TWID - Fourth Quarter Edition

This Week in Death brings you up to date on the week's events from the glorious afterlife. While the soothing light at the end of the tunnel may be a distance away, you'll find here the relevant information to secure the emotional bond that connects man and his soon-to-be corpses. Two roads diverge in Hades but only one leads to the Death Cup.

1. Health News

Castro Latest to Come Out with Shocking Celebrity Life Tape; Claims it was Made for Personal Use
Fidel Castro looked alert and healthier during an hour-long interview taped and aired on Cuban television Friday, responding to rumors of his death with a defiant ``here I am.'' In the first video of the ailing 81-year-old revolutionary seen in more than three months, a pale Castro stayed seated the entire time, spoke slowly and softly and didn't always look the interviewer in the eye. But he appeared to be thinking clearly. Early in the interview, Castro often trailed off mid-sentence, and needed some prompting by the interviewer. He had bags under his eyes, sunken cheeks and his thin gray beard looked as wispy as ever. But he appeared to get stronger and more comfortable as time passed.
[Guardian]

He Meant Howie Mandel, Dana Perino Said
Nelson Mandela is still very much alive despite an embarrassing gaffe by U.S. President George W. Bush, who alluded to the former South African leader's death in an attempt to explain sectarian violence in Iraq. "It's out there. All we can do is reassure people, especially South Africans, that President Mandela is alive," Achmat Dangor, chief executive officer of the Nelson Mandela Foundation, said. References to his death -- Mandela is now 89 and increasingly frail -- are seen as insensitive in South Africa.
[Reuters]

Yankee Doodle - Not So Dandy
The son of Yankees owner George Steinbrenner has been elected as Chairman of the Board by the Yankees Board of Directors. That puts Hal Steinbrenner in line to one day run the team, something his father has done since the early 1970s. Hal Steinbrenner replaces Steve Swindall, who was removed as chairman after George Steinbrenner's daughter initiated divorce proceedings against him. The question of who would take over the team has been a major issue since the elder Steinbrenner's health has been in question recently.
[New York 1]

If Fawcett Leaves Earth Cast, Rumored to be Replaced by Cheryl Ladd
Former Charlie's Angels star Farrah Fawcett has suffered a relapse in her battle against cancer and plans to pursue alternative treatments in Germany, a celebrity magazine reports. "She is in Germany for therapy. She is getting informed about several treatment methods that would be possible for her," Kathrin Collins, a spokeswoman for the 60-year-old icon of the hit 1970s television series, told Germany's weekly Bunte which hits newsstands tomorrow. Bunte reported cancerous cells reappeared in her colon in May.
[The Age]

2. Death News

Benadryl Inventor Finds Death Relieves Allergy and Cold Symptoms
George Rieveschl, a chemical engineer (not a medical doctor) whom millions of sufferers of allergies, colds, rashes, hives and hay fever can thank for the relief they receive by swallowing a capsule of beta-dimethylaminoethylbenzhydryl ether hydrochloride — the antihistamine he invented and renamed Benadryl — died Thursday in Cincinnati. He was 91 and lived in Covington, Ky. The cause was pneumonia, his wife, Ellen, said.
[New York Times]

Overtime of Wirtz's Life Ends in Sudden Death
William Wirtz, the longtime owner of the Chicago Blackhawks notorious for driving a hard bargain, died Wednesday at age 77. In an announcement on the team Web site, the Blackhawks said Wirtz died at Evanston Hospital after battling cancer. Wirtz was chairman of the Board of Governors of the National Hockey League for 18 years and helped negotiate the merger of the NHL and the World Hockey Association in the late 1970's. Wirtz's stewardship of the Blackhawks was long questioned, with the criticism becoming more vociferous in recent years. Many fans blamed him for allowing too many good players to leave over the years, and for his refusal to televise most home games.
[ESPN]

Miss Moneypenny Only Lived Once, She Lived and was Let Die
Actress Lois Maxwell, who starred as Miss Moneypenny in a string of James Bond movies, has died aged 80. Maxwell starred in 14 Bond films as the secretary to M, the secret agent's boss and head of the secret service. She appeared in more movies than any of the actors who played the lead role in the spy series, including Sir Sean Connery and Sir Roger Moore. "I think it was a great disappointment to her that she had not been promoted to play M. She would have been a wonderful M."
[BBC]

Shapira Also Opposed Anatomical Concessions to Death
Rabbi Avraham Shapira, an Israeli Orthodox Jewish leader best known for urging soldiers to disobey orders to evacuate the Gaza Strip, died Thursday in Jerusalem. He was 94. Rabbi Shapira, a chief rabbi in Israel for 10 years beginning in 1983, spent much of his life fighting vigorously against territorial concessions to the Palestinians, emerging as one of the Jewish state's most divisive religious figures. In 2005, he called on observant soldiers to disobey orders to dismantle 21 Jewish settlements during Israel's withdrawal from Gaza that year. Rabbi Shapira also opposed the first Israeli-Palestinian peace accords in 1993, saying Jewish law forbade Israel from transferring holy land to the Palestinians.
[New York Times]

This Week Was Somebody's Birthday! Whose Birthday? Some Death Pool Entrants' Birthdays. How Old Are They? 1,2,3... And Never been Kissed By... Death
Happy Birthday to:
September 25: Colin Friels (55)
September 26: Emilio Navarro (102)
September 29: Jerry Lee Lewis (72)
September 30: Deborah Kerr (86)
October 1: Tom Bosley (80)
October 1: Jimmy Carter (83)
October 1: Grete Waitz (54)
... And Many More!!!!!!!!

We've entered the last quarter of the race. No points deaths this week means no change in the Top 5, who remain...
1. El Esta Adead - 76 points (6 deaths)
2. The Ex-Parrots - 62.3 points (6 deaths)
3. Kraut's Picks - 60.9 points (8 deaths)
4. Yiz-score - 54.3 points (4 deaths)
5. Struck Down by Yahweh - 53.6 points (6 deaths)

T-W-I-D And TWID Was Its Name-O,
The Commissioner's Council

TWID - International Talk Like a Pirate Day Edition

Ahoy! This Week in Death brin's you our latest nuggets o' treaaye. Below be all t' notes and news t' cover a half a fortnight's worth o' livin' and dyin'. There be more health than a hornpipe, and more death than land lubbers on ye high seas. How be Billy Graham this week? What's t' latest in Fidel Castro rumors? Which Music or TV bilge rat went t' Davy Jones' locker? Arr, One way t' find out, matey. Continue... If you dare...

Struck down by Yahweh took all t' booty this week from t' spoils o' James Oliver Rigney Jr , who we made walk t' plank. T' world may have known you as Swashbuckler Robert Jordan, but on t' high seas, you were always Little Jimmy Rigney. You had a beard t' make a pirate say "Arr.... " (aye, we recognize t' irony that everythin' makes us say arr)

Sick? Maybe. Scurvy? Aye. But they haven't kicked t' bucket. Well, blow me down. These people be alive

Hard to be at Death's Door When You're Too Sick to Leave Your Own House
Two senior Cuban officials said on Wednesday that Cuban leader Fidel Castro, absent from public view for more than a year, is recovering from an intestinal problem that required several operations. Cuban Culture Minister Abel Prieto said Castro was not at death's door and dismissed rumours in Miami of his demise as "wishful thinking" by exiled opponents. Prieto said he had no inside information on Castro's medical condition, but deduced from the 81-year-old leader's regular essays and columns that he is not dying.
[Reuters]

Run Run Finding it Difficult to Walk Walk, Focus Focus
Sir Run Run Shaw, accompanied by Hong Kong Chief Secretary Henry Tang, Thursday night showed up on TVB Jade, to present the annual Shaw Prize to four distinguished scientists. Walking with difficulty, Shaw seemed to be coping with deteriorating vision as well. When he presented the mathematical science award to Professor Robert Langlands of the Institute for Advanced Study in Princeton, New Jersey, he needed Tang to point him in the direction of the cameras.
[Forbes]

If They Don't Release Him Soon, He May have to Deal with O. J. as a Cellmate
Great Train Robber Ronnie Biggs's lawyer is asking for him to be freed early, it emerged yesterday. Biggs, 77, is terminally ill after a series of strokes. "As things stand, he is due for release in two years and we are asking for this date to be brought forward. He is a very old man who is dying. "He is partially paralysed, can barely walk, and has almost lost the power of speech. On compassionate grounds, he should be released to be with his family."
[Daily Record]

I Can't Believe Willie Would Disappoint All the Little Orpheums
Willie Nelson has canceled his Sept. 25 concert at the Orpheum Theatre, citing exhaustion. "We are incredibly sorry that we have to cancel this show, especially since we already postponed it once, but we wish Willie the best of health and will work hard to bring him back in the near future," said Dave Bernstein, the show's promoter. "This is highly unusual, and we sincerely appreciate the patience of all those folks that purchased tickets, as we know they are as disappointed as we are," Bernstein said.
[Sioux City Journal]

"She's Got Legs, Knows How to Use Them...Once That You Got Them, You Can Never Lose them"
Zsa Zsa Gabor, who is partially paralyzed from a 2002 car accident, was set to have surgery Tuesday for a severe infection in her legs. Gabor has been forced to use a wheelchair and walker since the auto accident, leading to infections in her legs. "She's been inactive for the last four years," John Blanchette, publicist for the 90-year-old actress said. The operation was scheduled at Cedars-Sinai Medical Center, said Blanchette.
[Yahoo!]

Yarrrgh mateys, ye've been boarded by death! We hope your voyage ends in t ' place o' pirates dreams... parrrrrradise!

Rowdy Roddy Roddick Was Piped Up for Causes
Anita Roddick, the crusading entrepreneur who used the Body Shop chain of cosmetics stores she founded to promote causes, died on Monday. She was 64. Ms. Roddick was one of Britain's most visible business executives. Working on behalf of numerous causes — the rain forest, debt relief for developing countries, indigenous farmers in impoverished nations, whales, voting rights, anti-sexism and anti-ageism, to name a few — Ms. Roddick believed that businesses could be run ethically, with what she called "moral leadership," and still turn a profit.
[New York Times]

OK, Brett, Your Turn: On September 15th, You Will _________
Actress and comedian Brett Somers, who amused game show fans with her quips on the "Match Game" in the 1970s, has died, her son said. She was 83. Somers died Saturday at her home in Westport of stomach and colon cancer, Adam Klugman said Monday. Hosted by Gene Rayburn, "Match Game" was the top game show during much of the 1970s. Contestants would try to match answers to nonsense questions with a panel of celebrities; much of the humor came from the racy quips and putdowns.
[CNN]

A Cold Front Descends on Joe Z. Pussycats Mourn
Joe Zawinul, the jazz keyboardist who soared to fame as one of the creators of jazz-rock fusion with the band Weather Report, has died, a hospital official said. He was 75. In 1970, Zawinul and saxophonist Wayne Shorter founded Weather Report and produced a series of albums including "Heavy Weather," "Black Market," "I Sing the Body Electric," and the Grammy-winning live recording "8:30." Zawinul died early Tuesday, a spokeswoman for Vienna's Wilhelmina Clinic said. He had been hospitalized since last month and suffered from a rare form of skin cancer, said Risa Zincke, his manager.
[Yahoo!]

Stepien: Cut a Hole in the Box. Alternatively, Trade Lots of Draft Picks and Fire Coaches
Former Cleveland Cavaliers owner Ted Stepien, whose propensity for trading away draft picks resulted in an NBA rule change, died Monday at his home in Willoughby Hills, Ohio. He was 82. He went through six coaches during that span, including four during the 1981-82 season - Don Delaney, Bob Kloppenburg, Chuck Daly and Bill Musselman. The team finished 15-67. Because of his habit of trading draft picks for mediocre players, the league passed the "Stepien Rule," which restricts teams from dealing future first-round selections in consecutive years. "I don't feel I failed," Stepien later said. "I rescued a bankrupt organization."
[Canadian Press]

Surprisingly, He Didn't Mention Being Proud of Narrating "Captain EO"
Percy Rodrigues, who played a neurosurgeon in the 1960s series "Peyton Place" at a time when blacks were just beginning to win roles as authority figures on television, has died. He was 89. Mr. Rodrigues died of kidney failure on Sept. 6 at his home in Indio, said his wife, Karen Cook-Rodrigues. The distinguished-looking actor with a booming voice played doctors, politicians and other authorities in dozens of movie and television appearances. Mr. Rodrigues, who also acted on Broadway, "respectfully fought for these more dignified roles," his wife told the Los Angeles Times. "He was most proud of that."
[Mercury News]

For yer birthday? A pirate's whistle o' a tune for ye' (sung to t' tune o' "Blow the Man Down"):

Ye know it be yer fault we're singin' this way,
Yo! Ho! It be yer fault!
1st mate: For had we not known it be Pirate Talk Day
All: We'd be a singin' Happy Birthday!

And so we be gather'd, yer chums and ye kin
All: "Thank ye, Mates fer lettin' us in."
1st mate: to celebrate with ye for a-nother year
All: Lift up yer mugs and give 'em a cheer!

The candles be meltin' all over the cake
All: Give 'em some time to blow them all out!
1st mate: Ye better start puffin' befur it's too late!
All: Now be th' time to blow them all out! Now be the time to blow them all out.

Happy Birthday to:
September 16: Lauren Bacall (83)
September 16: Peter Falk (80)
September 16: Phyllis A. Whitney (82)
September 18: Robert Blake (74)
... And Many More!!!!!!!!

Robert Jordan did many thin's in his life, but in death he does one more: boots Die Hard from t' Top 5, puttin' Struck Down by Yahweh thar instead. Hold down t' wind sails, Die Hard, we're almost in t' home stretch...

1. El Esta Adead - 76 points (6 deaths)
2. The Ex-Parrots - 62.3 points (6 deaths)
3. Kraut's Picks - 60.9 points (8 deaths)
4. Yiz-score - 54.3 points (4 deaths)
5. Struck Down by Yahweh - 53.6 points (6 deaths)

We're shovin' off buckos,
T' Commissioner's Council

TWID - Labor Day Edition

This Week in Death brings you: This Week in Death! Below are all the notes and news to cover a week's worth of health and death. There are more health notices than a hospital, and more death than... well, a hospital. How is Billy Graham this week? What's the latest in baseless Fidel Castro rumors? Which Music or TV persona - whom I have never heard of - died? One way to find out...

Life was points-less this week. As always, health comes first. Eddie Vedder said it best, "Is something wrong, she said. Well of course there is. You're still alive, she said..."

Tim-ber! Johnson Falls Back Into Senate Seat
Sen. Tim Johnson, a Democrat who has been recovering from brain surgery since December, plans to return to his Senate office on September 5, his office said on Wednesday. Johnson will be in his home state of South Dakota for the next few days before returning to Washington and he "plans to be in his Senate office and on the Senate floor on Wednesday, September 5th," according to his office.
[Reuters]

Back to Home, Back to Home. Billy's Got his Lunch Packed Up and His Boots Tied Tight, I Hope He Doesn't Get in a Fight. Seriously, It Would Kill Him
Evangelist Billy Graham may be able to return home this week from the hospital where he has been treated for more than a week for intestinal bleeding, doctors said Wednesday. Graham, 88, is continuing his program of exercise, physical therapy and full meals to rebuild his strength, said Merrill Gregory, a spokeswoman for Mission Health & Hospitals in Asheville.
[Washington Post]

Much Like Lindsay Lohan, Bouteflika Tired of Rumors Starting, Tired of Being Followed. Why Can't We Just Let Him Live?
President Abdelaziz Bouteflika said Tuesday he was upset vis-à-vis the rumours on "his health deterioration". While visiting Sheikh Yossef Al Qaradaoui in Ain Naadja military hospital, the President seemed as if complaining as he was telling him: "I wish I could visit you the day you've been sent to hospital, but I decided to postpone the visit to avoid speculations about my alleged illness."
[El Khabar]

Fidel Fit? Finding Facts Feels Futile
There is no reason to believe that Cuban President Fidel Castro's life is in danger as he convalesces, Culture Minister Abel Prieto said late on Friday. The statement came amid a wave of rumours, especially among the Cuban-American community in Florida, that Cuba's long-time communist leader, who has not been seen in public since undergoing surgery over a year ago, is either dead or on his deathbed. "I have no element that leads me to believe that the life of Fidel is in danger," Prieto told reporters.
[iafrica.com]

Death? Eddie Vedder said it best, "I'm gone, Long gone, This time I'm letting go of it all, So long, This time I'm gone"

Gardner's Heart Shaken; Won't Stir
John Gardner, a prolific British thriller writer who wrote more novels about Bond — James Bond — than Ian Fleming did, died on Aug. 3 after collapsing near his home in Basingstoke, England. He was 80. The cause was heart failure, said his daughter Alexis Walmsley. Mr. Gardner wrote four dozen books in a career of more than 40 years. He was best known for the 14 Bond novels he wrote in the 1980s and '90s, which officially continued the work of Bond's creator, Fleming.
[New York Times]

No Use Crying Over Shattered Kristal; Hilly is Cold, Buried, Gone, Bye
Hilly Kristal, who founded CBGB, the Bowery bar that became the cradle of punk and art-rock in New York in the 1970s and served as the inspiration for musician-friendly rock dives throughout the world, died in Manhattan on Tuesday. He was 75. From its opening in late 1973, when Mr. Kristal, a lover of acoustic music, gave the club its name, an abbreviation of the kinds of music he originally intended to feature there — country, bluegrass and blues, CBGB presented thousands of bands within its eternally crumbling, flyer-encrusted walls.
[New York Times]

Richard - A Jewell of a Man. A Gem of a Person. A Diamond in the Rough. A Sapph--- OK, We're Good Now. Sorry About That
Richard A. Jewell, whose transformation from heroic security guard to Olympic bombing suspect and back again came to symbolize the excesses of law enforcement and the news media, died Wednesday at his home in Woodbury, Ga. He was 44. Mr. Jewell died of natural causes and that he had battled serious medical problems since learning he had diabetes in February.
[New York Times]

♫ No.... one... dies like Gaston ♫
Gaston Thorn, former prime minister of Luxembourg and president of the European Commission, died Sunday. He was 78. A longtime politician and businessman, Mr. Thorn led the government in the tiny Grand Duchy of Luxembourg from 1974 to 1979. He was known as a strong advocate of European integration.
[New York Times]

Nautilus's Mr. Jones Tells Fairy Tales and Stares at (and Marries) Beautiful Women
Arthur Jones, a wild-animal enthusiast, filmmaker and entrepreneur whose Nautilus fitness machines helped to transform the fitness industry and the way ordinary people exercise, died on Tuesday at his home in Ocala, Fla. He was 80. Mr. Jones died of natural causes, his son William Edgar Jones said. Mr. Jones was a rough-and-tumble character who had six wives, a nearly lifelong smoking habit and an affection for exotic animals like rattlesnakes and crocodiles, which he kept at his farm, the younger Mr. Jones said.
[New York Times]

This Week Was Somebody's Birthday! Whose Birthday? Some Death Pool Entrants' Birthdays. How Old Are They? 1,2,3... And Never been Kissed By... Death
Happy Birthday to:
August 30: Rich Cronin (32)
September 2: Meinhardt Raabe (92)
... And Many More!!!!!!!!

No points deaths this week means no change in the Top 5, who remain...

1. El Esta Adead - 76 points (6 deaths)
2. The Ex-Parrots - 58.5 points (5 deaths)
3. Kraut's Picks - 57.1 points (7 deaths)
4. Yiz-score - 54.3 points (4 deaths)
5. Die Hard - 46 points (4 deaths)

Eddie Vedder said it best again, "Can't find a better TWID"...
The Commissioner's Council

TWID - Dog Days of August Edition

Seldom a day late but never a dollar short, This Week in Death brings you: An ocean of news rivaled only by the Midwest floods in volume. Don't worry, we promise not to flood your basement, only your inbox. Take one more trip with us down to the beach. For the last week of summer, get those floaties and beach balls inflated and your swim trunks on. Don't forget to bring a towel! Last one in is a rotting corpse!

" Life is for Living," says Coldplay. "Health is for Updates" says TWID...

Graham's Golden Ages Crumbling, Can Soon Ask God "How Do You Cram All That Me?"
Evangelist Billy Graham experienced a third intestinal bleed Wednesday, but doctors say he remains in fair condition. Physicians plan more definitive tests to determine the cause and source of the bleeds. Graham, 88, has been hospitalized since an initial bleed Saturday.Graham, who suffers from a variety of ailments including Parkinson's disease and age-related macular degeneration, has been largely confined to his home in recent years.
http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,294136,00.html

Pavaroti Departs Modena, Too Sick to Journey to Mecca?
Ailing Italian opera star Luciano Pavarotti has been discharged from hospital in northern Modena where he was admitted more than two weeks ago with a fever, the hospital said on Saturday. Pavarotti will "be able to continue to convalesce in the serenity of his family surroundings, where he can count on the close collaboration of the doctors of the Department of Oncology and Haematology," it said.
http://www.news24.com/News24/Entertainment/Celebrities/0,,2-1225-2108_2171113,00.html

Castro joins Tupac, Biggie, and Cobain as (Possibly) Posthumous Publisher
Fidel Castro signed a lengthy essay published Sunday saluting a Cuban political figure but the 81-year-old gave no hint of how he is feeling, even amid rampant rumors of his death. Castro has not been seen in public in over a year and has not even appeared in official photographs or video footage since taping an interview with Cuban state television June 5.
http://www.cnn.com/2007/WORLD/americas/08/26/cuba.castro.ap/index.html

Is it Because We Suck at Soccer?
Former Argentine soccer star Diego Maradona on Sunday said he hates the United States "with all my strength" during an appearance on Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez's weekly television show. The leftist soccer legend, like the fiercely anti-U.S. Chavez, is a close ally of Cuba's Fidel Castro.
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2007/08/19/AR2007081900996.html

Comatose Sharon: "Consider me an Object;" No Word on if He'll be Hanging Upside Down or Where he Will Swing
Former Israeli Prime Minister Ariel Sharon remains comatose and attached to a respirator nearly two years after a devastating stroke, a spokesman for Sheba Medical Center near Tel Aviv said Sunday. "There is no change in his condition," hospital spokesman David Weinberg said. Sharon, 79, was transferred to Sheba's long-term respiratory rehabilitation unit in July 2006 from Hadassah Hospital in Jerusalem, which treated him after his stroke in January of that year.
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2007/08/26/AR2007082600527.html

"Death is Point(s)less"...

Griffin's Crash Scene More Gruesome to Watch than Deuce Bigalow - Norbit Double Feature
Former Minnesota Timberwolves forward Eddie Griffin died last week when his sport utility vehicle collided with a freight train in a fiery crash, the Harris County medical examiner's office said Tuesday. Investigators used dental records to identify Griffin, 25, who was waived by the Timberwolves in March."The cause of death and manner of death, which also includes toxicology results, is pending," said Beverly Begay, chief investigator for the Harris County Medical Examiner's office.
http://sports.espn.go.com/nba/news/story?id=2985307

Too Many Brewskies for Brewster, Too Much Live for His Liver
Daniel Baugh Brewster, 83, a decorated Marine Corps veteran and former Democratic U.S. senator from Maryland whose career was shadowed by alcoholism and a charge of accepting an illegal gratuity, died Aug. 19 of liver cancer at his home in Owings Mills, Md. "He served his country in war and in peace. Although brought low by alcoholism, he overcame that illness to lead a successful and productive life," Steny Hoyer said in a statement.
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2007/08/20/AR2007082001813.html

A TWID Haiku: Beloved Poet, And World Famous Novelist. Say Goodnight Gracie.
Poet and short story writer Grace Paley, a literary eminence and old-fashioned rebel who described herself as a "combative pacifist," has died. She was 84. A published writer since the 1950s, Paley released only a handful of books over the next half century, mostly short stories and poems. Her fiction, although highly praised, competed for time with work, activism, family and friends. "None of it happened, and yet every word of it is true," she once said of her fiction.
http://www.cnn.com/2007/SHOWBIZ/books/08/23/obit.paley.ap/

This is the Sound of Settling: Death Cab for Betty
Betty Matas, the Queens woman who made national headlines in April when she and her husband took a cross-country taxi ride to their new retirement home in Sedona, Ariz., died on Monday in Cottonwood, Ariz. She was 75. Betty and Bob Matas hired a New York cabdriver, Douglas Guldeniz, to drive them the 2,500 miles to Sedona to spare their two cats a trip in an airplane cargo hold. Both of the Matases had spent their lives in the New York area, and neither had ever learned to drive.
http://www.nytimes.com/2007/08/23/nyregion/23matas.html

"Go Sox Go, Go Sox Go! Hey Chicago What Do You Say? Sox are Gonna Die Today!"
Charles Albert "Chuck" Comiskey II, grandson and namesake of the Chicago White Sox founder and a former front-office executive and co-owner during the "Go Go Sox" years in the 1950s, has died. He was 81. While his family name is one of the best-known in Chicago sports history, Comiskey left his own mark in helping to successfully remake the team en route to its first American League pennant in 40 years in 1959.
http://sports.espn.go.com/mlb/news/story?id=2993932


This Week Was Somebody's Birthday! Whose Birthday? Some Death Pool Entrants' Birthdays. How Old Are They? 1,2,3... And Never been Kissed By... Death

Happy Birthday to:
August 22: Ray Bradbury (87)
August 25: Sean Connery (77)
August 25: Van Johnson (91)
... And Many More!!!!!!!!

Back by popular demand, the Commissioner's Council proudly brings you "Skinny Dipping," a weekly glance at some of the goings-on in the Pool. Columns will feature a more in-depth look at some of the squads and picks. To comment on this feature, or suggest an idea for "Skinny Dipping," feel free to send an email our way.

Every week, TWID publishes the Top 5 leaders in the standings. Two numbers are listed alongside the team names: the points total, and the number of deaths recorded to date. While the winner of the pool is obviously the one who scores the most points, picking a high number of deaths should certainly be acknowledged. To date, Kraut's Picks, currently 3rd in points, has the highest number of points deaths, with 7. Following him with 6 deaths each are points leader El Esta Adead , Go to Hell (7th in points), Life's a Bitch (8th), and Mine are the Deadest (12th). That's right - the 1st-place team and 12th-place team have recorded the same amount of deaths. The difference is El Esta Adead's deaths include one solo shot for 20 and a pair of 15-pointers. Mine are the Deadest's largest score was 15, and the next-highest score was 7.5. Meanwhile a pair of teams with 4 deaths recorded are 4th and 5th in the standings. Points per death, as determined by popularity of the pick, obviously plays a huge role in the standings, something worth thinking about as DP 2007 heads into the fall stretch and DP 2008 preparations begin.

No points deaths this week means no change in the Top 5, who remain...

1. El Esta Adead - 76 points (6 deaths)
2. The Ex-Parrots - 58.5 points (5 deaths)
3. Kraut's Picks - 57.1 points (7 deaths)
4. Yiz-score - 54.3 points (4 deaths)
5. Die Hard - 46 points (4 deaths)


Will people continue to die? Will TWID continue to come up with funny headlines for them??? Tune in next week — same Death-time, same Death-channel!
The Commissioner's Council

TWID - Cleveland Day Edition

This Week in Death brings you: Another week of instructional swim! No need to protest, just come on down to poolside as we review the basics of Death Pool. Feel free to review the crawl, back, breast or butterfly stroke from end to end as we catch you up on all the news you need to know to be an educated death pool competitor. And if you still need a kick board, don't be embarrassed, we'll show you how to blow bubbles in the water. General swim returns next week...

And behind every shady deal, behind every dollar earned... there was God, keeping the books. "Three deposits this week: Tammy Faye Messner, Mohammad Zahir Shah, and Rollie Stiles. Night drop, like always..." Time to get God's stuff down to laundry. They better not over-starch his shirts.

The first health is the deepest, baby I know...

He's Wanted, WAAAAAAAANTED, Dead or Alive
Osama bin Laden, like Mark Twain, may complain that rumors of his demise have been greatly exaggerated. Assuming, of course, that he is still alive. Many believe him to have died. There has been no news of bin Laden in more than a year. But a new video released over this past weekend on an Islamist Internet Web site shows the chief of al-Qaida looking very much alive, much to the delight of his supporters and to the great consternation of many others.
http://www.upi.com/International_Intelligence/Analysis/2007/07/16/analysis_more_rumors_of_bin_ladens_death/4982/

Johnson's Stroke of Genius: Return to Floor as Strom Thurmond
South Dakota Sen. Tim Johnson hopes to be back on the floor of the U.S. Senate sometime in September, former Senate Democratic leader Tom Daschle said Monday. Johnson continues his recovery from a brain hemorrhage last December that required surgery and left him with stroke-like effects. He has limited use of his right arm and hand and lingering problems with speech and walking.
http://www.rapidcityjournal.com/articles/2007/07/16/news/top/doc469c2e5014f5a348726390.txt

Will Willie's Weed Turn Him Into a Half Nelson?
The Red-Headed Stranger might want to change his nickname to No-Show Nelson. Willie Nelson has postponed a show at Memorial Hall that had been scheduled for Tuesday, July 31. Nelson canceled a September 2002 show in Neosho with Wynnona Judd the day before the performance. "His official story was that the cancellation was due to health reasons," said Mark Norris, one of the promoters for that show with Joplin's Access Entertainment. "Willie is happy, and he is healthy and works harder than anyone I know," Elaine Schock told CMT. "It doesn't seem unreasonable to need or want a couple of weeks off, especially when your life is planned a year in advance."
http://www.joplinglobe.com/local/local_story_197200156.html

Pan-Am Games to Fidel: "No Pills for You!"
Fidel Castro has become so glued to the television set watching the Pan American Games unfolding in Brazil that he is forgetting to take his pills. In a column published Wednesday by Cuba's Communist Party newspaper Granma, the convalescing Cuban leader said he was so engrossed with the sports that he was even forgetting to eat.
http://www.cnn.com/2007/WORLD/americas/07/18/castro.games.reut/index.html?eref=rss_latest

But when it comes to being dead, she's first. That's how I know....

Despite All Her Age, She Still Worked with Rats in a Cage
Anne McLaren, a leading developmental biologist and expert on the embryo who in the 1950s conducted experiments on mice that were important in the development of human in vitro fertilization, died on July 7 in Britain. She was 80. Throughout her career, Dr. McLaren delved ever deeper into biological as well as ethical questions of reproduction and what she termed "everything involved in getting from one generation to the next."
http://www.nytimes.com/2007/07/23/science/23mclaren.html

Matchbox Man Unwell from Disease; Can't Avoid Bright Lights. That Must be Lonely
Jack Odell, a self-trained engineer whose daughter's mischievous habit of taking spiders to school in a matchbox prompted him to make her a tiny steamroller as a substitute — an invention that led to Matchbox Toys, maker of 3 billion Lilliputian vehicles in 12,000 models — died on July 7 in London. He was 87.By 1962, he told The New York Times in an interview, Matchbox was knocking out a million toy automobiles a week, more than the number of real ones made by all the world's major automakers combined. "In my obituary," Mr. Odell said in 1969 as quoted by The Daily Telegraph, "I want it said I was a damn good engineer."
http://www.nytimes.com/2007/07/17/world/europe/17odell.html?_r=2&oref=slogin&ref=obituaries&pagewanted=print&oref=slogin

The Graff Clearly Shows Her Performance is Dying
M. M. Graff, a self-trained master gardener who became a New York legend by nudging, nagging and scolding — but seldom sweet-talking — in her crusade to improve the city parks she loved almost as much as she loathed her given name, Mildred, died at her home in Brooklyn on July 9. She was 97.In an interview with The New York Times Magazine in 1967, Ms. Graff did concede that a garden might not have to be perfect to be nice. She quickly added, "It just does for me."
http://www.nytimes.com/2007/07/22/nyregion/22graff.html?ex=1342756800&en=d450e6e73d5b1716&ei=5088&partner=rssnyt&emc=rss

Everything Comes Down to Pooh
Shirley Slesinger Lasswell, who licensed rights to the Winnie the Pooh characters to Walt Disney in 1961, then later sued the company over disputed royalties, died Thursday. She was 84. She had been working on developing Pooh for television when she met Walt Disney, who wanted to create TV shows for the characters. She licensed Pooh to Disney in 1961. In 1991, Stephen Slesinger Inc. sued Disney, alleging the company miscalculated royalties due under that deal.
http://www.iht.com/articles/ap/2007/07/19/america/NA-GEN-US-Obit-Shirley-Slesinger-Lasswell.php

When The Other Guy called him the Other Guy, Well, That was the Straw that broke the Tenor's Head
The American operatic tenor Jerry Hadley noted for his bright lyric voice, lively acting and adventurous choice of repertory, died today in Poughkeepsie, N.Y. He was 55. Friends and colleagues said Mr. Hadley had suffered from severe depression and had had financial difficulties, troubled personal relationships and professional setbacks. He had been on life support at a Poughkeepsie hospital since July 10, when he shot himself in the head with an air rifle, causing severe brain damage, at a house in Clinton Corners, N.Y.
http://www.nytimes.com/2007/07/18/arts/music/18cnd-hadley.html

Back by popular demand, t he Commissioner's Council proudly brings you "Skinny Dipping," a weekly glance at some of the goings-on in the Pool. Columns will feature a more in-depth look at some of the squads and picks. To comment on this feature, or suggest an idea for "Skinny Dipping," feel free to send an email our way.

Surely you've noticed that after today, 204 days will have passed in the year, and assuming everybody else in the Pool survives the day (though there are certainly no guarantees - it's been busy around these parts the last few days!) the total number of point-scoring deaths to this point will be 26. 283 names were picked at the start of the year, meaning 9% of the Pool has passed on. At any rate, when the year began, the question was asked, "what would happen if every one of the 283 died? All points are awarded. Who would win?" The answer is Yiz-Score would, with 321.8 points, in no small part due to 11 solo shots. Behind Yiz-Score would be The Tomb Raiders (317.3), and rounding out the top 5, Beating a Dead Horse (298.6), The Rev. Isaac Bruce (293.8), and Acharei Mos Kedoshim Emor (291.6). These 5 are the leaders in the "maximum points potential category," meaning that they have the potential to score more points than than anyone else. How are they actually doing? Well, Yiz-Score is in 3rd, and Beating a Dead Horse is doing alright. Meanwhile, despite their huge potential point totals, the other three make up 50% of the teams stuck at zero. Guess Professor Dumbledore was right: It is our choices that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities.

Another week, another adjustment!... With a 20-point solo shot, Kraut's Picks knocks Go to Hell out of the Top 5 after a mere one-week stay. Sorry, Go to Hell. We hope your next visit to the Top 5 is long enough to allow you to unpack.

1. El Esta Adead - 66 points (5 deaths)
2. The Ex-Parrots - 58.5 points (5 deaths)
3. Yiz-score - 54.3 points (4 deaths)
4. Die Hard - 46 points (3 deaths)
5. Kraut's Picks - 44.8 points (5 deaths)


Don't let the heat drag you down, cool down with a dip in the death pool... an instructional dip, of course.
The Commissioner's Council

TWID - Independence Day Edition

This Week in Death brings you: Notes from the game of pool! We've set up the balls in the rack and chalked up the cues. Join us as we go solids versus stripes, and catch you up on all the news you need to know to be a Fats Domino-like death pool competitor. Watch out for the 8-Ball, like death... it's an end. Unlike death, it doesn't give you any points.

Health is a wonderful thing. Health is a really good thing. Get off your ealth, let's do some health...

More Cowbell Reduces Fever. Healthy Enough Not to Be in Gold Plated Diapers
Former first lady Lady Bird Johnson, 94, left an Austin, Texas, hospital on Thursday following six days of tests and observation. The widow of late President Lyndon Johnson was suffering from a low-grade fever when she was admitted on June 22 to Seton Medical Center in Austin.
http://www.reuters.com/article/domesticNews/idUSN2831205320070628

A Big No No: Zsa Zsa Has Boo Boo
During Friday's hearing, Zsa Zsa Gabor was absent due to a leg infection. It occurred when she slipped and fell while trying to get out of bed without assistance. "She has got a strong antibiotic for the infection," says Prince Frederic. "We hope the infection is going to go away. If it doesn't, she has to go to the hospital."
http://www.etonline.com/celebrities/news/48817/

Bush's Christmas List: I Wanna Pony, a Nintendo Wii, and the Death of a Dictator

President Bush on Thursday openly anticipated the death of ailing Cuban President Fidel Castro, picturing it as an opportunity to bring freedom to the Caribbean island after nearly half a century of iron-fisted rule by the fiery communist leader."One day, the good Lord will take Fidel Castro away," Bush said.
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2007/06/28/AR2007062801321.html?hpid=moreheadlines

The Second Line on the Headstone is "Until I Turned 90. Being Old Sucks."
When Brooke Astor dies, she wants the world to know "I had a wonderful life." The 105-year-old doyenne of New York society has chosen those words for her headstone, according to a published report. Astor is in frail but stable health, people who have seen her told the Daily News yesterday.
http://www.nydailynews.com/gossip/2007/06/25/2007-06-25_socialite_astors_wonderful_life_is_set_i.html

Until death do us part...

Claiborne Unveils New Flat Line

Liz Claiborne, founder of the fashion house that bears her name, died today at the age of 78. Claiborne, who retired from the day-to-day operations in 1989, founded the fashion house in 1976. The goal was to create a collection of fashions aimed at the growing number of women entering the workforce.
http://cbs2.com/topstories/topstories_story_178145336.html

Siegel Gives Death Two Thumbs Down
Surrounded by family and friends, ABC's beaming and insightful movie critic Joel Siegel has died in New York, after a long and remarkably courageous struggle with cancer, at the age of 63.
http://abcnews.go.com/GMA/story?id=3324632&page=1

Survived American Hurls: Atomic or Otherwise
Former Prime Minister Kiichi Miyazawa, whose career stretched from Japan's defeat in World War II through the 1990s "lost decade" of economic stagnation, died on Thursday at the age of 87, his office said. For some, Miyazawa's most enduring image was captured in 1992 when he cradled the head of U.S. President George Bush in his lap after Bush collapsed at a state banquet in Tokyo.
http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/20070628/wl_nm/japan_miyazawa_death_dc_2

Everyone Mourned because They Assumed They Were Supposed to Get the Sadness

J.B. Handelsman, who applied his dry wit to subjects ranging from politics to popular culture while creating nearly 1,000 New Yorker magazine cartoons, has died of lung cancer. Handelsman, 85, died June 20 at his home in Southampton, N.Y., The New Yorker said Tuesday.

http://www.usatoday.com/life/television/news/2007-06-26-handelsman_N.htm

With the coming of July we have reached the halfway point of the Death Pool. In the immortal (no pun intended. Screw it. Pun very much intended.) word of John Bon Jovi "Whoooooooooooooooa we're halfway there, whooooooooooooooa living on a prayer." A prayer of health, death notices, and scoring updates. In honor of the halfway point, we reproduce for you: The Full Standings.

1. El Esta Adead- 66 points (5 deaths)
2. The Ex-Parrots- 58.5 points (5 deaths)
3. Yiz-score- 50 points (3 deaths)
4. Die Hard- 46 points (3 deaths)
5. Av S. is My Hero- 41 points (3 deaths)
6. Go to Hell- 37.5 points (3 deaths)
7. Future Corpses of America- 35 points (2 deaths)
8. Mine are the Deadest- 28.5 points (3 deaths)
9. Life's a Bitch- 25 points (2 deaths)
10. Hey Hey Hey Goodbye- 21 (2 deaths)
11. Beating a Dead Horse- 20 points (1 death)
11. Fatal Swimming Pool- 20 points (1 death)
13. Hagler's Picks - 15 points (1 death)
13. Kraut's Picks- 15 points (1 death)
13. Struck Down by Yahweh- 15 points (1 death)
13. The Death Eaters- 15 points (1 death)
17. Grave Danger- 13.5 points (2 deaths)
18. The Morgue the Merrier- 6 points (1 death)
18. Death is Funny- 6 points (1 death)
18. The Deathtrum- 6 points (1 death)
21. Satan's Waiting Room- 0 points
21. Grateful I'm not Dead- 0 points
21. No Research, Just Guts- 0 points
21. Hagler's Rolls- 0 points
21. Achrei Mos Kedoshim Emor- 0 points
21. Do not Resuscitate- 0 points
21. The Rev. Isaac Bruce- 0 points
21. My Twenty People- 0 points
21. The Tomb Raiders- 0 points
21. Anybody But Me- 0 points

Second Half Projections? Double Your Current Score.

That's Death. Taxes also a guarantee...

The Commissioner's Council

TWID - Father's Day Edition

This Week in Death brings you: Notes from the game of pool! We've set up the balls in the rack and chalked up the cues. Join us as we go solids versus stripes, and catch you up on all the news you need to know to be a Fats Domino-like death pool competitor. Watch out for the 8-Ball, like death... it's an end. Unlike death, it doesn't give you any points.

TWID says goodbye to Kurt Waldheim. Sorry to be Kurt but he can go Wald his Heim.

Not-So-Dead Kennedys
Eunice Kennedy Shriver has regained her speaking ability after recently suffering multiple strokes, the governor said Sunday during a speech in Beverly Hills. Shriver's condition was initially severe enough that her family was told "she would never speak again," Schwarzenegger said of his 85-year-old mother-in-law, according to a recording provided by the governor's office.
http://www.sacbee.com/111/story/217581.html

Rick Peterson Brought in to Help Develop Curveball, Slider
Venezuelan President Hugo Chávez declared Wednesday that his convalescing ally Fidel Castro has "recovered his fastball" and was in fine form during a six-hour surprise visit. State TV reported the pair shared an "emotional" meeting Tuesday, discussing Venezuela-Cuba relations, climate change and a socialist-leaning regional pact they created.
http://www.usatoday.com/news/world/2007-06-13-chavez_N.htm

First They Rocket Ismail, Next They Plan to Qadry Him
A rocket-propelled grenade hit the home of Prime Minister Ismail Haniyeh of Hamas on Tuesday, in what Hamas said was an attempted assassination. The house was damaged, but Haniyeh and his family were not harmed.
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2007/06/12/AR2007061200012.html

Be Careful Which Direction the Doctor Sends You
Actress Farrah Fawcett has secretly jetted off to Germany in an effort to end her cancer nightmare. After battling the disease last year and getting the all-clear, the former Charlie's Angels star was devastated to learn the cancer had returned last month. And now she's hoping revolutionary new treatment in Germany can help her beat the disease once and for all.
http://www.pr-inside.com/farrah-flies-to-germany-for-cancer-r153961.htm

All's Fair in Love and Smoking
Singer/actress Courtney Love is finding it difficult to kick the butt. The 42-year-old who recently decided to quit smoking after being warned by her doctor, revealed that she is going through 'hell' trying to kick her smoking habit. "I`m going through hell trying to cut back on smoking," People quoted Love as saying. The rocker insisted that her attempt to break the habit was like fighting a 'mini war'.
http://www.zeenews.com/znnew/articles.asp?rep=2&aid=377393&ssid=2&sid=ENT

And then there was Death...

Nobody Beats the Wiz. Except Cancer... Cancer Actually Does Beat the Wiz
Don Herbert, who as television's "Mr. Wizard" introduced generations of young viewers to the joys of science, died Tuesday. He was 89. Herbert, who had bone cancer, died at his suburban Bell Canyon home, said his son-in-law, Tom Nikosey.
http://www.cnn.com/2007/SHOWBIZ/TV/06/12/obit.mr.wizard.ap/index.html

God to Billy: Look Man, She Came on to Me, You Know How She Gets

Ruth Graham, who surrendered dreams of missionary work in Tibet to marry a suitor who became the world's most renowned evangelist, died Thursday. She was 87. Graham died at 5:05 p.m. at her home at Little Piney Cove, surrounded by her husband and all five of their children, said a statement released by Larry Ross, Billy Graham's spokesman.
http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20070614/ap_on_re_us/obit_ruth_graham

I Think I'd Really Like to Be a Fashion Planner. Why Limit Myself to just One Suit When I Can Design a Fashion Line?
Gianfranco Ferre, the Italian designer known as the "architect of fashion" for his structured, sculpted shapes and for his groundbreaking tenure at Christian Dior, died Sunday, a hospital said. He was 62. Ferre was taken to the San Raffaele hospital in Milan, Italy, on Friday after suffering a massive brain hemorrhage. The hospital, in a statement authorized by Ferre's family, said he died on Sunday.
http://www.cnn.com/2007/WORLD/europe/06/17/designer.dead.ap/index.html

Can't Imagine He Volunteered for This
Ray Mears, the Tennessee basketball coach who presided over the "Ernie and Bernie show" during his 15 seasons guiding the Volunteers, died Monday. He was 80. Mears, the winningest men's coach in school history, had been in declining health for some time, university spokesman John Painter said.
http://sports.espn.go.com/ncb/news/story?id=2900848

TWID is not only a place of death. And I don't just mean our health updates. It is also a place of birth. And with the Father's Day Edition of TWID, a new weekly segment has been born: "The TWID Totals" - a weekly look at the ins and outs of the Death pool scoring system. As the saying goes, why monitor death when you don't know who's winning? The Standings...

1. El Esta Adead - 66 Points (5 deaths)
2. The Ex-Parrots - 58.5 Points (5 deaths)
3. Yiz-Score - 50 Points (3 deaths)
4. Die Hard - 46 Points (3 deaths)
5. Av S. is My Hero- 41 Points (3 deaths)

Dibs. Death.

The Commissioner's Council

TWID - Tonga National Day Edition

Sometimes a day late but never a dollar short, This Week in Death brings you: Notes from around the pool! We already stuck our toe in and the water is perfect... So come on in as we take you from the shallow to the deep end, and catch you up on all the news you need to know to be an educated death pool competitor.

This week we said farewell to two politicians from different walks off life, Huang Ju and Craig Thomas, who are now seeking office in the great political system in the sky. Extra points were awarded for their swagger.

But first, without further ado, Health.

Hugo's The Boss: Castro Appears on TV with President Chavez
Talking at length, grinning for cameras and cracking jokes, Fidel Castro appeared stronger and more vibrant Sunday in the first TV images of the ailing Cuban leader in four months.
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2007/06/03/AR2007060301106.html

Bakker Not Giving Up; Butcher and Candlestick Maker Continue Vigil
Cancer-stricken Tammy Faye Messner said she's not afraid of death, and that she has to fight excruciating pain every day. The televangelist once known as Tammy Faye Bakker is down to 62 pounds and told the TV show "Entertainment Tonight" that she's embracing her inevitable demise.
http://www.nypost.com/seven/05312007/news/regionalnews/ready_for_death_regionalnews_david_k__li.htm

With Death Already Slaying a Senator This Week, Johnson Free to Move On
Signs of Senator Tim Johnson's recovery are becoming more public after his emergency brain surgery more than five months ago. Several statements about public policy and politics have come out of his office in the last few weeks, and even though the Senator hasn't talked publicly since last December he continues to make public comments on issues through press releases and e-mails.
http://www.keloland.com/News/EyeonKELOLAND/NewsDetail6403.cfm?Id=0,57488

Waldheim Overcome by Monday Night Fever
Former Austrian president Kurt Waldheim, who is 88, was recovering Wednesday in hospital from a fever, a spokeswoman said. "His medical condition has improved greatly," since he was hospitalized late Monday, spokeswoman Karin Fehringer said. She said he was in observation in the intensive care unit as a precaution.
http://www.ejpress.org/article/17183

Death is a part of life. And TWID...

Yost Flies Off Into the Sunset... Really, Really Slowly
Ed Yost, who fastened two propane tanks to what essentially looked like a lawn chair, attached that contraption to a 40-foot-diameter orange-striped nylon balloon and sailed above the Nebraska plain on a brisk fall day in 1960, becoming "the father of modern hot-air ballooning," died May 27 at his home in Vadito, N.M. He was 87.
http://www.nytimes.com/2007/06/04/us/04yost.html

Checkered Flag Showed That He Was On His Last Lap
For Bill France Jr., it was never about fame or fortune. Everything he did -- helping build Daytona International Speedway, moving the annual awards banquet to New York City and negotiating the first billion-dollar TV contract -- he did with NASCAR's best interests at heart. Diagnosed with cancer in 1999, France had been in poor health for much of the last decade. He died Monday at his Daytona Beach, Fla., home. He was 74.
http://sportsillustrated.cnn.com/2007/racing/06/04/france/index.html?cnn=yes

Art Imitates Art: Chaos Reigns Supreme
Jörg Immendorff, a German painter best known for crowded scenes depicting an acidic, often autobiographical comedy of art, politics and history, died on Monday at his home in Düsseldorf. He was 61.
http://www.nytimes.com/2007/05/31/obituaries/31immendorff.html


Every Time a Yankee Dies an Angel Gets Its Wings
Clete Boyer, the third baseman for the Major League Baseball champion New York Yankees teams of the 1960s who made an art form of diving stops and throws from his knees, died Monday. He was 70. Boyer died in an Atlanta hospital from complications of a brain hemorrhage, son-in-law Todd Gladden said.
http://www.iht.com/articles/ap/2007/06/04/sports/NA-SPT-BBL-Obit-Clete-Boyer.php

Until next week at your regularly scheduled time, we remain,

The Commissioner's Council