TWID - September 11th Edition

This Week in Death brings you: This Week in Death! Below are all the notes and news to cover a week's worth of health and death. There are more health notices than a hospital, and more death than... well, a hospital. How is Billy Graham this week? What's the latest in baseless Fidel Castro rumors? Which Music or TV persona - whom I have never heard of - died? One way to find out...

We said goodbye to Luciano Pavarotti this week. But we said it in a beautiful, alto tone. Our condolences to Domingo and the other guy. We also wished farewell to Jane Wyman. Jane, Jane gone away, will not come again, another day

Health is part of a balanced breakfast...

Bin Laden' Beard Back in Black, Alive and Not Hearing Hell's Bells
Western intelligence agencies were last night studying a personal message from Osama bin Laden, in which he apparently tells Americans they must convert to Islam if they want the war in Iraq to end. A short excerpt of the video, shown yesterday on Al-Jazeera television, appears to show bin Laden in good health. Most noticeably, his beard appears trimmed and almost entirely black. In previous images, it is gray.
[The Scotsman]

Pleshette Rid of All Those Little Cancerous Lumps, Still Has Lovely Lady Humps. Her Humps Her Humps Her Humps.

Suzanne Pleshette is very much alive, and ever her saucy self. "I'm cancer-free, my (breasts) are great and ... I'm extremely, extremely rich," she responded to a question from The Associated Press, generating howls of laughter from a packed audience. Early into the panel discussion, Pleshette noted, "I could have dropped dead. There are three doctors who kept me alive, just for tonight."
[Yahoo!]

When Life Gives Willie Nelson Aid, He Makes Farm Aid
The four musical members of the Farm Aid board (Dave Matthews, John Mellencamp, Neil Young and Willie Nelson) closed out the night. Before launching into "Homegrown," Neil Young slyly said the song "used to be about one thing now it's about another." Translation: the song was written about the glory of growing your own marijuana, but it's now about the glory of organic food grown on family farms. Willie Nelson — who knows a thing or two about both subjects — sat in on guitar.
[Rolling Stone]

Death, on the other hand, is just part of breaking you. Fast...

As the Saying Goes: Sometimes Gillmor is Less...Alive
Ohio Rep. Paul Gillmor was found dead in his apartment Wednesday, a Republican leadership aide said. The aide said the body of the 68-year-old Republican was found by staff members who went to his apartment after he failed to show up for work. There was no immediate word on the cause of his death. Gillmor's office did not respond to a reporter's call.
[CNN]

Blood Clot Means One Thing: Jennifer is D-U-N-N, Dunn
Former Rep. Jennifer Dunn, who became the most powerful Republican woman in Washington state history during six terms representing Seattle's east-side suburbs, died Wednesday after developing a blood clot in her Virginia apartment, her family said. She was 66. Dunn was known for her work on tax issues, promoting women-owned businesses and sponsoring the Amber Alert bill for locating missing children.
[New York Times]

I Know You're the Big Money Expert. Oh I'm Sorry, I Forgot, You're Dead... I'm Sorry, That Was 100% Inappropriate...
Wall Street big shot Seth Tobias was mysteriously found dead yesterday in the swimming pool of his Florida mansion, police said. Tobias' wife found the well-regarded CNBC commentator's body about 1 a.m., floating facedown in his pool in an exclusive section of Jupiter, Fla., near Palm Beach. Cops said an autopsy would be performed to determine how the brash moneyman died. "It's unusual because of his age," Pascarella said of the 44-year-old.
[NY Daily News]

Female Elvis Has Left the Building
Janis Martin, who was billed as the Female Elvis in the 1950s, died Monday (Sept. 3) from complications of cancer. She was 67. Regarded as the first female rockabilly singer, Martin was discovered as a teenager by RCA executive Steve Sholes, and in 1956 she recorded in Nashville with Chet Atkins. Her first single, "Will You, Willyum," launched her pop music career and led to several high-profile TV appearances, but she retired within a few years to raise a family. At the time of her death, she was still a popular draw in Europe and had several rockabilly festival dates booked.
[Country Music Television]

Miyoshi Says Sayonarra, Will Be Mourned by Mitoad and Mibowzer
Miyoshi Umeki, 78, a Japanese-born singer and actress who became the first Asian performer to win an Academy Award -- for "Sayonara" (1957) -- and who played a housekeeper on the TV series "The Courtship of Eddie's Father," died Aug. 28 at the Licking Park Manor nursing home in Licking, Mo. She had cancer.
[Washington Post]

This Week Was Somebody's Birthday! Whose Birthday? Some Death Pool Entrants' Birthdays. How Old Are They? 1,2,3... And Never been Kissed By... Death
Happy Birthday to:
September 7: Michael E. DeBakey (99)
September 8: Sid Caesar (85)
September 9: Phyllis A. Whitney (104)
September 10: Arnold Palmer (78)
September 11: Bashar al-Assad (42)
... And Many More!!!!!!!!

Pavarotti's death this week helps the 2nd and 3rd-place teams close in on the leader, but there is no change in the Top 5, who remain...

1. El Esta Adead - 76 points (6 deaths)
2. The Ex-Parrots - 62.3 points (6 deaths)
3. Kraut's Picks - 60.9 points (8 deaths)
4. Yiz-score - 54.3 points (4 deaths)
5. Die Hard - 48.3 points (4 deaths)

TWID, Nutritious as always.. Now with more fiber!
The Commissioner's Council

TWID - Cleveland Day Edition

This Week in Death brings you: Another week of instructional swim! No need to protest, just come on down to poolside as we review the basics of Death Pool. Feel free to review the crawl, back, breast or butterfly stroke from end to end as we catch you up on all the news you need to know to be an educated death pool competitor. And if you still need a kick board, don't be embarrassed, we'll show you how to blow bubbles in the water. General swim returns next week...

And behind every shady deal, behind every dollar earned... there was God, keeping the books. "Three deposits this week: Tammy Faye Messner, Mohammad Zahir Shah, and Rollie Stiles. Night drop, like always..." Time to get God's stuff down to laundry. They better not over-starch his shirts.

The first health is the deepest, baby I know...

He's Wanted, WAAAAAAAANTED, Dead or Alive
Osama bin Laden, like Mark Twain, may complain that rumors of his demise have been greatly exaggerated. Assuming, of course, that he is still alive. Many believe him to have died. There has been no news of bin Laden in more than a year. But a new video released over this past weekend on an Islamist Internet Web site shows the chief of al-Qaida looking very much alive, much to the delight of his supporters and to the great consternation of many others.
http://www.upi.com/International_Intelligence/Analysis/2007/07/16/analysis_more_rumors_of_bin_ladens_death/4982/

Johnson's Stroke of Genius: Return to Floor as Strom Thurmond
South Dakota Sen. Tim Johnson hopes to be back on the floor of the U.S. Senate sometime in September, former Senate Democratic leader Tom Daschle said Monday. Johnson continues his recovery from a brain hemorrhage last December that required surgery and left him with stroke-like effects. He has limited use of his right arm and hand and lingering problems with speech and walking.
http://www.rapidcityjournal.com/articles/2007/07/16/news/top/doc469c2e5014f5a348726390.txt

Will Willie's Weed Turn Him Into a Half Nelson?
The Red-Headed Stranger might want to change his nickname to No-Show Nelson. Willie Nelson has postponed a show at Memorial Hall that had been scheduled for Tuesday, July 31. Nelson canceled a September 2002 show in Neosho with Wynnona Judd the day before the performance. "His official story was that the cancellation was due to health reasons," said Mark Norris, one of the promoters for that show with Joplin's Access Entertainment. "Willie is happy, and he is healthy and works harder than anyone I know," Elaine Schock told CMT. "It doesn't seem unreasonable to need or want a couple of weeks off, especially when your life is planned a year in advance."
http://www.joplinglobe.com/local/local_story_197200156.html

Pan-Am Games to Fidel: "No Pills for You!"
Fidel Castro has become so glued to the television set watching the Pan American Games unfolding in Brazil that he is forgetting to take his pills. In a column published Wednesday by Cuba's Communist Party newspaper Granma, the convalescing Cuban leader said he was so engrossed with the sports that he was even forgetting to eat.
http://www.cnn.com/2007/WORLD/americas/07/18/castro.games.reut/index.html?eref=rss_latest

But when it comes to being dead, she's first. That's how I know....

Despite All Her Age, She Still Worked with Rats in a Cage
Anne McLaren, a leading developmental biologist and expert on the embryo who in the 1950s conducted experiments on mice that were important in the development of human in vitro fertilization, died on July 7 in Britain. She was 80. Throughout her career, Dr. McLaren delved ever deeper into biological as well as ethical questions of reproduction and what she termed "everything involved in getting from one generation to the next."
http://www.nytimes.com/2007/07/23/science/23mclaren.html

Matchbox Man Unwell from Disease; Can't Avoid Bright Lights. That Must be Lonely
Jack Odell, a self-trained engineer whose daughter's mischievous habit of taking spiders to school in a matchbox prompted him to make her a tiny steamroller as a substitute — an invention that led to Matchbox Toys, maker of 3 billion Lilliputian vehicles in 12,000 models — died on July 7 in London. He was 87.By 1962, he told The New York Times in an interview, Matchbox was knocking out a million toy automobiles a week, more than the number of real ones made by all the world's major automakers combined. "In my obituary," Mr. Odell said in 1969 as quoted by The Daily Telegraph, "I want it said I was a damn good engineer."
http://www.nytimes.com/2007/07/17/world/europe/17odell.html?_r=2&oref=slogin&ref=obituaries&pagewanted=print&oref=slogin

The Graff Clearly Shows Her Performance is Dying
M. M. Graff, a self-trained master gardener who became a New York legend by nudging, nagging and scolding — but seldom sweet-talking — in her crusade to improve the city parks she loved almost as much as she loathed her given name, Mildred, died at her home in Brooklyn on July 9. She was 97.In an interview with The New York Times Magazine in 1967, Ms. Graff did concede that a garden might not have to be perfect to be nice. She quickly added, "It just does for me."
http://www.nytimes.com/2007/07/22/nyregion/22graff.html?ex=1342756800&en=d450e6e73d5b1716&ei=5088&partner=rssnyt&emc=rss

Everything Comes Down to Pooh
Shirley Slesinger Lasswell, who licensed rights to the Winnie the Pooh characters to Walt Disney in 1961, then later sued the company over disputed royalties, died Thursday. She was 84. She had been working on developing Pooh for television when she met Walt Disney, who wanted to create TV shows for the characters. She licensed Pooh to Disney in 1961. In 1991, Stephen Slesinger Inc. sued Disney, alleging the company miscalculated royalties due under that deal.
http://www.iht.com/articles/ap/2007/07/19/america/NA-GEN-US-Obit-Shirley-Slesinger-Lasswell.php

When The Other Guy called him the Other Guy, Well, That was the Straw that broke the Tenor's Head
The American operatic tenor Jerry Hadley noted for his bright lyric voice, lively acting and adventurous choice of repertory, died today in Poughkeepsie, N.Y. He was 55. Friends and colleagues said Mr. Hadley had suffered from severe depression and had had financial difficulties, troubled personal relationships and professional setbacks. He had been on life support at a Poughkeepsie hospital since July 10, when he shot himself in the head with an air rifle, causing severe brain damage, at a house in Clinton Corners, N.Y.
http://www.nytimes.com/2007/07/18/arts/music/18cnd-hadley.html

Back by popular demand, t he Commissioner's Council proudly brings you "Skinny Dipping," a weekly glance at some of the goings-on in the Pool. Columns will feature a more in-depth look at some of the squads and picks. To comment on this feature, or suggest an idea for "Skinny Dipping," feel free to send an email our way.

Surely you've noticed that after today, 204 days will have passed in the year, and assuming everybody else in the Pool survives the day (though there are certainly no guarantees - it's been busy around these parts the last few days!) the total number of point-scoring deaths to this point will be 26. 283 names were picked at the start of the year, meaning 9% of the Pool has passed on. At any rate, when the year began, the question was asked, "what would happen if every one of the 283 died? All points are awarded. Who would win?" The answer is Yiz-Score would, with 321.8 points, in no small part due to 11 solo shots. Behind Yiz-Score would be The Tomb Raiders (317.3), and rounding out the top 5, Beating a Dead Horse (298.6), The Rev. Isaac Bruce (293.8), and Acharei Mos Kedoshim Emor (291.6). These 5 are the leaders in the "maximum points potential category," meaning that they have the potential to score more points than than anyone else. How are they actually doing? Well, Yiz-Score is in 3rd, and Beating a Dead Horse is doing alright. Meanwhile, despite their huge potential point totals, the other three make up 50% of the teams stuck at zero. Guess Professor Dumbledore was right: It is our choices that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities.

Another week, another adjustment!... With a 20-point solo shot, Kraut's Picks knocks Go to Hell out of the Top 5 after a mere one-week stay. Sorry, Go to Hell. We hope your next visit to the Top 5 is long enough to allow you to unpack.

1. El Esta Adead - 66 points (5 deaths)
2. The Ex-Parrots - 58.5 points (5 deaths)
3. Yiz-score - 54.3 points (4 deaths)
4. Die Hard - 46 points (3 deaths)
5. Kraut's Picks - 44.8 points (5 deaths)


Don't let the heat drag you down, cool down with a dip in the death pool... an instructional dip, of course.
The Commissioner's Council

TWID - Puerto Rican Day Parade Edition

This Week in Death brings you: Notes from the game of pool! We've set up the balls in the rack and chalked up the cues. Join us as we go solids versus stripes, and catch you up on all the news you need to know to be a Fats Domino-like death pool competitor. Watch out for the 8-Ball, like death... it's an end. Unlike death, it doesn't give you any points.

That was for you The Death Eaters, I hope you enjoyed. This is for everyone:

Remission Accomplished! Bush Survives "Not Feeling Well in his Stomach"
U.S. President George W. Bush came down with a stomach ailment Friday at the G8 summit in Germany and is resting in his room. "I'm not sure if it's a stomach virus yet or something like that," Dan Bartlett, counsellor to the president told reporters. "He's just not feeling well in his stomach," Although ill, the president did meet for an hour with French President Nicolas Sarkozy, but the meeting took place in Bush's private room.
http://www.canada.com/topics/news/world/story.html?id=e521a95b-e042-49d1-89ca-137bc8122f4f&k=54270

Good News... She's Throwing up for Two!
Is Nicole Richie pregnant? That's the rumor swirling around the super-skinny reality show star, and she doesn't seem in any hurry to deny it.Richie recently underwent a series of tests, including blood and urine screenings, reports Life and Style, which reports that the tests "confirmed she is pregnant."
http://www.nbc11.com/msnbcentertainment1/13454133/detail.html

Johnson has the Magic; Back to Showtime in No Time
Sen. Tim Johnson, D-S.D., absent from the Senate since suffering a brain hemorrhage late last year, is likely to return in September, if not earlier, Majority Leader Harry Reid said Thursday. "He and his family and the doctors are trying to decide whether he will come back in September or July, but he's really doing quite well," Reid said.
http://news.bostonherald.com/politics/view.bg?articleid=1005350

Redgrave Avoids Dead Grave, Stays Active
At an age when many people begin to tap the breaks, Vanessa Redgrave, 70, appears to have her foot on the gas. This month, she tackles the triple crown of acting, sashaying from stage to TV to film, all the while making it look so easy.
http://usaweekend.com/07_issues/070610/070610whosnews_extra.html#redgrave

Bin Laden Been Laid Back? Hardly, says Taliban Commander
The brother of a Taliban commander killed by US forces has claimed that he received a letter of condolence from Osama Bin Laden, who was "alive, active and well". In a television interview today, Haji Mansour Dadullah said the al-Qaida leader had expressed sympathy for the death of his brother, Mullah Dadullah, who was killed by US forces last month. There are mixed views about whether Bin Laden has significant health problems, particularly with his kidneys. Some have claimed he is dependent on dialysis, others say this is not the case and he is in good health.
http://www.buzzle.com/articles/140531.html

"Bring Out your Dead..."

Clark Fought Segregation, Now Spends Eternity with Blackness of Death
Jim Clark, the former sheriff in Selma, Ala., whose violent, highly public attempts to maintain the status quo there in the Jim Crow era are widely believed to have contributed, however inadvertently, to the success of the voting rights movement, died Monday in Elba, Ala. He was 84 and had been living in a nursing home there.
http://www.nytimes.com/2007/06/07/us/07clark.html?_r=1&ref=obituaries&oref=slogin

Some Lady Gave it to him. She even Signed her Name on it... Ruuth. Marianne Ruuth.
Marianne Ruuth, an active member of the Hollywood Foreign Press Association for 49 years, died in Los Angeles June 2 following a lengthy Illness. She was 76. Ruuth published novels and celebrity biographies including bios on Stevie Wonder, Eddie Murphy, the Supremes, Nat King Cole, Bill Cosby, Sarah Vaughan and Oprah Winfrey. She also translated Swedish books into English including "Images (My Life In Pictures)" by Ingmar Bergman. She served as president of the HFPA from 1980 to 1982 and oversaw media relations for the organization for 12 years.
http://www.variety.com/article/VR1117966389.html?categoryid=16&cs=1&nid=2568

Abdulle Stricken; Is Straight Up Now. Oh Oh Oh.
Aden Abdulle Osman, Somalia's first president after independence from Italy, died Friday in neighboring Kenya after months of illness, his son said. He was 99. Born in 1908 near the Ethiopian border, in the town of Belet Weyne, Osman was elected president in 1960 after years of leading the Somali Youth League, a nationalist party that struggled for Somalia's independence.
http://www.iht.com/articles/ap/2007/06/08/africa/AF-GEN-Somalia-Obit-Osman.php

What's the Sound of One Rorty Passing?
Richard Rorty, whose inventive work on philosophy, politics, literary theory and more made him one of the world's most influential contemporary thinkers, died Friday in Palo Alto, Calif. He was 75.
http://www.nytimes.com/2007/06/11/obituaries/11rorty.html?ex=1339214400&en=74964b043eba78bd&ei=5088&partner=rssnyt&emc=rss

And now... our semi-occasional update on our points leaders:

1. El Esta Adead - 66 Points (5 deaths)
2. The Ex-Parrots - 58.5 Points (5 deaths)
3. Yiz-Score - 50 Points (3 deaths)
4. Die Hard - 46 Points (3 deaths)
5. Av S. is My Hero- 41 Points (3 deaths)

That's all folks,
The Commissioner's Council

TWID - International Dance Day Edition

This Week in Death brings you: Notes from around the pool! We already stuck our toe in and the water is perfect... So come on in as we take you from the shallow to the deep end, and catch you up on all the news you need to know to be an educated death pool competitor.

We at TWID are pro health-care. That's correct, we care about health...

He Lives Downstairs and It's Understood.... Castro in Charge of Me!
President Hugo Chavez said Sunday his friend and political ally Fidel Castro is "in charge" again nearly nine months after undergoing intestinal surgery. The Cuban leader has not been seen in public since before July 31, when he announced he had undergone surgery and provisionally ceded power to his younger brother Raul.
[CBS 4]

Not Simply a Lean Mean Gryllsing Machine
Bear Grylls has been plagued with back pain for over ten years - for which he only recently found an effective treatment. More worryingly, he also suffers from high levels of cholesterol, caused by a genetic disease which killed his father and grandfather - and which poses as much of a danger to him as his Boys' Own exploits.
[Daily Mail]

The Best bin Laden Plans of Mice and Men
A Taliban military commander says Osama bin Laden helped plan the deadly suicide car bombing outside Bagram Air Base targeting a "very important American official," apparently referring to Vice President Dick Cheney. Referring to bin Laden, Dadullah told the Arab-language network al-Jazeera, "Praise be to God he is still alive, and we have information about him and praise be to God he orchestrates plans in both Iraq and Afghanistan.

[CNN]

Red symbolizes? Death.

He Picked Avis, but God Still Picked Him Up
Warren E. Avis, a Michigan car dealership owner who, frustrated at waiting for taxis outside airports, founded a chain of car rental agencies and turned it into the nation's second biggest, died yesterday at his home in Ann Arbor, Mich. He was 92.
[New York Times]

... It's HERBIE Hancock
Josh Hancock, a relief pitcher who helped the team win the World Series last season, died early Sunday when his sport utility vehicle slammed into the back of a tow truck. "There's a big hole that's going to be there," St. Louis manager Tony La Russa said. "This is brutal to go through."
[ESPN]

Valenti's Death was Rated R for Strong Violent Content and Disturbing Images
Jack Valenti was not just Hollywood's top lobbyist. He was one of its biggest stars. The 85-year-old Valenti, who died Thursday of complications from a stroke in March, led the movie industry out of the prudishness of old Hollywood and into an age of freer expression with the creation of the film rating system that has endured nearly 40 years.
[Seattle Post-Intelligencer]

He Doesn't Do the Monster Mash; Ipso Facto It is Not a Smash
Bobby "Boris" Pickett, whose dead-on Boris Karloff impression propelled the Halloween anthem to the top of the charts in 1962, making him one of pop music's most enduring one-hit wonders, has died of leukemia. He was 69.
[CNN]

Pulitzer Prize Possessor Painfully Pulverized
Pulitzer Prize-winning journalist and author David Halberstam has died in a car accident in Menlo Park, California, near San Francisco, the San Mateo County coroner's office said Monday. The driver is a student at the Graduate School of Journalism at the University of California, Berkeley, where Halberstam had spoken Saturday about the craft of journalism, the Associated Press reported.
[CNN]

He was an Oscar Mayer Wiener and Everyone was in Love with Him
Harold Max Mayer, former chairman of Oscar Mayer and Company, who helped oversee the company's sale in 1981, died Friday at his home here. He was 90. He died in his sleep, according to Donnellan Family Funeral Services.
[New York Times]

Oh... What a Feeling, When We're Dying on the Ceiling

The Commissioner's Council