Monday, March 26, 2007

TWID - Manic Monday Edition

Please note that This Week in Death will now be sent out on Monday. We apologize for the inconvenience and for depriving you of weekend reading material.

This Week in Death brings you: Notes from around the pool! We already stuck our toe in and the water is perfect... So come on in as we take you from the shallow to the deep end, and catch you up on all the news you need to know to be an educated death pool competitor.

No points received for three straight weeks. Did you guys stop trying? We here at TWID didn't... And now: Health.

Chavez Nurses Castro Back to Health; Lifetime Movie to Follow
Cuban leader Fidel Castro spent several days on the point of death, but is now out of his sickbed, his close friend and protege Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez said on Saturday.

Lionel Is No Sugar Daddy
The reason behind actress Nicole Richie's constant health problems on the sets of 'Simple Life' is hypoglycemia or low blood sugar. The actress, who had to be hospitalized for dehydration when she suddenly fell ill on the sets of the reality series, was recently diagnosed with hypoglycemia, a syndrome produced by a lower than normal amount of sugar in the blood.

Full Nelson Holding On
A spokeswoman of Nelson Mandela on Tuesday denied rumors that the former South African president and Nobel Peace Prize laureate was ill, or even dead.

Diego Indulges In Too Many Mara-donuts
Diego Maradona is smoking too many cigars, putting on weight and is planning a trip to Switzerland to get himself back into shape, his doctor said. The former Argentina captain, who lost around 30 kilos after a stomach-stapling operation in 2005, has visibly put weight back on in the last few months.

"Great Balls of Fire" Keep Rolling
Jerry Lee Lewis is 71 going on 103. "I'm having a good time," he drawls in a garbled voice. "I'm livin' and I'm breathin.'"

Without further ado, Death

A Christmas Carol with a Tragic Ending
Carol Richards, who teamed with Bing Crosby on the Christmas classic "Silver Bells," died of heart disease in a Vero Beach, Fla., hospital. She was 84.

Basically Every Jewish Grandfather, Minus the Success
The balding, bespectacled nebbish who gained cult status as the oddball Larry "Bud" Melman on David Letterman's late-night television shows has died after a long illness.

An Extra-Sad Ramadan This Year
Taha Yassin Ramadan, the former vice president under Saddam Hussein, was hanged just before dawn Tuesday, according to a source close to Iraq's High Tribunal.

God Is, in Fact, a Cowboys Fan, and He Wanted Some Company
Wilford "Crazy Ray" Jones, the boisterous Dallas Cowboys fan who energized crowds for decades with his cowboy getup and sideline cheerleading, died Saturday. He was 76.

TWID is brought to you this week by Mr. Wash. Passover discounts apply.
The Commissioner's Council

Friday, March 16, 2007

TWID - Ides of March Edition

This Week in Death brings you: Notes from around the pool! We already stuck our toe in and the water is perfect... So come on in as we take you from the shallow to the deep end, and catch you up on all the news you need to know to be an educated death pool competitor.

No points received for two straight weeks. Did you guys stop trying? We here at TWID didn't... And now: Health.

Bush Can't Take the Heat; Should Exit Kitchen
Former President George H. W. Bush was taken to a local hospital Sunday after becoming dehydrated. Bush, 82, was playing golf in the 95-degree heat.

At Least She won't be Distracted by that Bird Over There
According to a source speaking to In Touch, Nicole Richie is in fact now addicted to the prescription drug Adderall, which is used to treat ADD and is a powerful appetite suppressant. "She loves Adderall because she stays awake, and it makes her not want to eat," said the source.

No One Can Resist His Shwe-tty Heart
One western diplomat in Rangoon said that Than Shwe, now in his late 70s, may be in need of a heart operation. This follows speculation from Burmese dissident sources that he might be suffering from cancer.

Two Hundred Percent Health Ratu-fied
The President, Ratu Josefa Iloilo, is in good health, contrary to concerns that at 86 years of age, it was time for him to return home, said his secretary. "I should know because I work with him everyday. If he was seriously ill, I may have had to consider a report to the Prime Minister's Office, but I haven't because his excellency is 200 per cent better than you and I put together."

Without further ado, Death

Kuhn Signs Long Term Deal with the Angels
Bowie Kuhn, the bespectacled lawyer who oversaw baseball's transformation from sport to a business of free agents with multimillion-dollar contracts, died Thursday. He was 80.

Missing that Certain Jeni Se Qua
Richard Jeni, the critically acclaimed, Brooklyn-born comedian and actor whose career began with a nervous five-minute act in a Sheepshead Bay club, died at Cedars-Sinai Medical Center in California on March 10. He was 49 years old. The cause of death was an apparent self-inflicted gunshot wound to the face.

Slightly More than a Feeling
Brad Delp, the lead singer of the 1970s and '80s rock band Boston was found dead at his home in southern New Hampshire on Friday, local police said. Delp, 55, apparently was home alone and there was no indication of foul play, Atkinson, New Hampshire, police said.

Cancer Sacked Ladd with a Folding Chair when the Referee Wasn't Looking
Ernie Ladd, the giant defensive lineman with the Kansas City Chiefs, Houston Oilers and San Diego Chargers, who was one of the biggest names in pro wrestling during the 70s, passed away from cancer. He was 68. Ladd had been battling colon cancer for the past three plus years.

People Don't Kill People, Annie get Your Guns Kills People
Betty Hutton, who played the brassy blond in about two dozen movies, including the musical "Annie Get Your Gun," has died, the executor of her estate said Tuesday. She was 86.

TWID Feels the need to ask, "Et tu Brute?" We don't even know why we feel that need. We just do.

The Commissioner's Council

Friday, March 9, 2007

TWID - Spring Training Edition

The water is perfect... So come on in as we take you from the shallow to the deep end, and catch you up on all the news you need to know to be an educated death pool competitor.

There were zero points accumulated this week, but at least we have our health (notices)....
Tumor Plotting to Blow up Abdel-Rahman Landmarks
Sheik Omar Abdel-Rahman, the Egyptian cleric serving a life sentence for plotting to blow up New York City landmarks, is "nearing death." Abdel-Rahman, 68, is suffering from the effects of a tumor on his liver and his kidneys are in danger of failing, said Montasser al-Zayyat, a prominent attorney for Egyptian militants.,0,4715276.story?coll=ny-worldnews-print
Richie Receives Fluids in Nic of Time

Nicole Richie reported feeling ill on the set of her reality series on Friday, and was quickly rushed to a nearby hospital where she was treated for dehydration.

First Boxer to Break Hip or Complain of Drafty Ring Loses

All of that Florida sun must be getting to Maine snowbird Roland Fortin. The 91-year-old has laid down a challenge to box fitness guru Jack LaLanne, who's 92.

Popper on the Hook; What a Way to Run Around

Blues Traveler singer and harmonica player John Popper was arrested after the vehicle he was riding in was clocked going 111 mph. Inside the black Mercedes SUV, officers found a cache of weapons and a small amount of marijuana, the Patrol said. A police dog searched the vehicle, finding numerous hidden compartments containing four rifles, nine handguns and a switchblade knife. Authorities also found a Taser and night vision goggles.

So Much Quality Death to Report this Week...
Cap'n Couldn't make it Happen; Crunch and Hook Fear for Lives
He fought and triumphed over Hitler, Tojo, international Communism and a host of supervillains, but he could not dodge a sniper's bullet. Comic book hero Captain America is dead.
Eagleton Soars off Endangered Species List, Plummets to Death
Missouri's political leaders in both parties summed up the legacy of Sen. Thomas F. Eagleton with the same word: statesman. Sen. Eagleton, a Democrat, died Sunday at St. Mary's Medical Center of "a combination of heart, respiratory and other problems that overwhelmed his weakened system," his family said.
She Made Sure to First use the Little Death Before the Big Death
Proper manners authority Marjabelle Young Stewart, the author of more than 20 books and ruler of the "White Gloves" and "Blue Blazers" children's etiquette empires, has died. She was 82.
Ooh, That Death so Scandalous and You Know Another Food-services Provider Can't Handle It
Food-services provider Sysco Inc. on Wednesday said founder John F. Baugh died on Monday. He was 91. His death comes 37 years after the company's initial public offering on March 3, 1970.
Rosengarden Beloved Amongst Friends for Coin Collecting, Magazine Archiving, and Sports Following
Bobby Rosengarden, the versatile jazz drummer and talk show bandleader who played bongos for Harry Belafonte and laid down a beat for Jimi Hendrix during a "Dick Cavett Show" performance, has died, his family confirmed Monday. He was 82.
Voulez Vukovich avec moi ce soir; Philadelphians Boo His Death
John Vukovich, the longest-serving coach in Philadelphia Phillies history and a member of their only World Series championship team in 1980, died Thursday. He was 59.
Wide World of Sports; Narrow World of Death
Andy Sidaris, the television sports pioneer who finished his career surrounded by scantily clad B-movie beauties, has died. He was 76. Known for his ebullient personality and creative approach to televised sports, Sidaris directed the first "Wide World of Sports" for ABC, a job he continued for the next 25 years.
Chinnock Dying in the Dark; Set to Perform for The Boss
Bill Chinnock, an instrumentalist, singer and songwriter who was a founding member of what later became. Bruce Springsteen's E Street Band, died Wednesday at his home. He was 59.
Death Happens. We Score It.
The Commissioner's Council

Friday, March 2, 2007

TWID - Purim Edition

This Week in Death brings you: Notes from around the pool! We dive in for the 200 meter crawl event and we take you from the shallow to the deep end, and catch you up on all the news you need to know to be an educated death pool competitor.

Points this week were awarded for the successful deaths of Lamar Lundy and Bruce Bennett. To them, we bid adieu. On to the Health Notices...

Hef renewed for 82nd season
Hugh Hefner has no plans to fade away. Not when there's a new generation to woo and new women to love. All on display to viewers of the cable show that's become a hit. "The Girls Next Door" is about to start its third season on E!'s cold in here. There must be Mr. Noodle in the atmosphere
The late inventor of instant noodles was symbolically blasted off into space at a funeral ceremony attended by thousands in Osaka, western Japan. The event was a tribute to Momofuku Ando's creation of Space Ram, a noodle soup that works at zero gravity.

And now: Death! In points-less form...

Nice guy with heart of lion and the intelligence of a wily fox laid to rest; animal kingdom mourns loss
Clem Labine, a relief pitcher who threw two of baseball's most significant shutouts in his role as a part-time starter and pitched for two Dodgers World Series teams in the 1950s, died Friday. He was 80.

Here's hoping the name of the historian who documents his history is Kennedy
Arthur M. Schlesinger Jr., the historian whose more than 20 books shaped discussions for two generations about America's past, and who himself was a provocative, unabashedly liberal partisan, most notably in serving in the Kennedy White House, died last night in Manhattan. He was 89.

Still slotted as the Running Back of choice to rush for 1,000 yards in 2007
Denver Broncos reserve tailback Damien Nash collapsed and died Saturday night after an appearance in a charity basketball game in St. Louis.

Coffin is 1-1/2 inches by 3/4 inch
Walker Edmiston, an actor who was the voice of many cartoon and puppet characters, including Ernie the Keebler elf in TV commercials, has died. He was 81.

Death and Taxes... TWIT to Follow. We Remain...

The Commissioner's Council