Tombstones Go Digital; Nary a Sold

Want to leave a message for your relatives and friends from the grave? New technology allows for it through high-tech digital images powered by a solar cell. But it hasn't been received well by the public thus far.

The panel mounts to the front of the gravestone and pays tribute to the deceased in color pictures, words, music and even videos. It's all from a small memory chip inside a device that opens like the front cover of a book.

"I haven't sold any," said Doug Ellis of Riverview Monuments, who has been offering the so-called "serenity panel" system for about $2,000 since February.

Ellis, 54, said maybe 15 potential customers have spent time looking and listening to the gravestone player he displays in his store. One woman asked him to mail her pricing information. But nobody has been serious about buying one.

Despite poor sales numbers, this technology brings with it the chance to revolutionize the legacy that the deceased can leave behind.

"That is a big step, putting electronics on your headstone," Cheri Lucking said. "People are used to sandblasted, granite and marble and things like that."

Ways of honoring the dead are changing because of technology, Lucking said.

If Pavarotti was digitally alive today, we wonder what he'd sing.

[CNN]

Heavyweight Catfight to Take Place in Italy, with a $44 Million Purse

Women be shoppin! You know what else women be? Gossips. But remember, kids, be careful who you talk about, otherwise you can end up on the wrong side of a big-ass lawsuit:

Luciano Pavarotti's widow has sued two friends of the late tenor for $44 million, claiming their comments about her marriage were defamatory, her lawyer said Monday. Nicoletta Mantovani filed the lawsuit last month after warning that speculation about the state of her marriage to Pavarotti would not be tolerated, her lawyer said.

Pavarotti died September 6 of pancreatic cancer at age 71. Soon after, friends close to the tenor told Italian media that he had been unhappy in the marriage, and that Mantovani was fighting his grown daughters from an earlier marriage over his estate. "Since the comments did not cease -- and were, in fact, reiterated -- Mantovani had no choice but to file the lawsuit," lawyer Anna Maria Bernini said, confirming weekend reports in the small daily L'Informazione, based in Pavarotti's hometown of Modena. "She is doing it to protect her sense of respectability -- privately for the sake of her daughter and the memory of the maestro, publicly for her image and any future professional activity," Bernini said.

Other story highlights: if she wins, Mantovani plans to "donate" everything to "charity" (quotes very much mine). Also, from the Italian names are fun to say department, the two women sued: Franca Corfini Strata, wife of the singer's dietician, and Lidia La Marca, wife of conductor Leone Magiera.

[CNN]

TWID - Dog Days of August Edition

Seldom a day late but never a dollar short, This Week in Death brings you: An ocean of news rivaled only by the Midwest floods in volume. Don't worry, we promise not to flood your basement, only your inbox. Take one more trip with us down to the beach. For the last week of summer, get those floaties and beach balls inflated and your swim trunks on. Don't forget to bring a towel! Last one in is a rotting corpse!

" Life is for Living," says Coldplay. "Health is for Updates" says TWID...

Graham's Golden Ages Crumbling, Can Soon Ask God "How Do You Cram All That Me?"
Evangelist Billy Graham experienced a third intestinal bleed Wednesday, but doctors say he remains in fair condition. Physicians plan more definitive tests to determine the cause and source of the bleeds. Graham, 88, has been hospitalized since an initial bleed Saturday.Graham, who suffers from a variety of ailments including Parkinson's disease and age-related macular degeneration, has been largely confined to his home in recent years.
http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,294136,00.html

Pavaroti Departs Modena, Too Sick to Journey to Mecca?
Ailing Italian opera star Luciano Pavarotti has been discharged from hospital in northern Modena where he was admitted more than two weeks ago with a fever, the hospital said on Saturday. Pavarotti will "be able to continue to convalesce in the serenity of his family surroundings, where he can count on the close collaboration of the doctors of the Department of Oncology and Haematology," it said.
http://www.news24.com/News24/Entertainment/Celebrities/0,,2-1225-2108_2171113,00.html

Castro joins Tupac, Biggie, and Cobain as (Possibly) Posthumous Publisher
Fidel Castro signed a lengthy essay published Sunday saluting a Cuban political figure but the 81-year-old gave no hint of how he is feeling, even amid rampant rumors of his death. Castro has not been seen in public in over a year and has not even appeared in official photographs or video footage since taping an interview with Cuban state television June 5.
http://www.cnn.com/2007/WORLD/americas/08/26/cuba.castro.ap/index.html

Is it Because We Suck at Soccer?
Former Argentine soccer star Diego Maradona on Sunday said he hates the United States "with all my strength" during an appearance on Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez's weekly television show. The leftist soccer legend, like the fiercely anti-U.S. Chavez, is a close ally of Cuba's Fidel Castro.
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2007/08/19/AR2007081900996.html

Comatose Sharon: "Consider me an Object;" No Word on if He'll be Hanging Upside Down or Where he Will Swing
Former Israeli Prime Minister Ariel Sharon remains comatose and attached to a respirator nearly two years after a devastating stroke, a spokesman for Sheba Medical Center near Tel Aviv said Sunday. "There is no change in his condition," hospital spokesman David Weinberg said. Sharon, 79, was transferred to Sheba's long-term respiratory rehabilitation unit in July 2006 from Hadassah Hospital in Jerusalem, which treated him after his stroke in January of that year.
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2007/08/26/AR2007082600527.html

"Death is Point(s)less"...

Griffin's Crash Scene More Gruesome to Watch than Deuce Bigalow - Norbit Double Feature
Former Minnesota Timberwolves forward Eddie Griffin died last week when his sport utility vehicle collided with a freight train in a fiery crash, the Harris County medical examiner's office said Tuesday. Investigators used dental records to identify Griffin, 25, who was waived by the Timberwolves in March."The cause of death and manner of death, which also includes toxicology results, is pending," said Beverly Begay, chief investigator for the Harris County Medical Examiner's office.
http://sports.espn.go.com/nba/news/story?id=2985307

Too Many Brewskies for Brewster, Too Much Live for His Liver
Daniel Baugh Brewster, 83, a decorated Marine Corps veteran and former Democratic U.S. senator from Maryland whose career was shadowed by alcoholism and a charge of accepting an illegal gratuity, died Aug. 19 of liver cancer at his home in Owings Mills, Md. "He served his country in war and in peace. Although brought low by alcoholism, he overcame that illness to lead a successful and productive life," Steny Hoyer said in a statement.
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2007/08/20/AR2007082001813.html

A TWID Haiku: Beloved Poet, And World Famous Novelist. Say Goodnight Gracie.
Poet and short story writer Grace Paley, a literary eminence and old-fashioned rebel who described herself as a "combative pacifist," has died. She was 84. A published writer since the 1950s, Paley released only a handful of books over the next half century, mostly short stories and poems. Her fiction, although highly praised, competed for time with work, activism, family and friends. "None of it happened, and yet every word of it is true," she once said of her fiction.
http://www.cnn.com/2007/SHOWBIZ/books/08/23/obit.paley.ap/

This is the Sound of Settling: Death Cab for Betty
Betty Matas, the Queens woman who made national headlines in April when she and her husband took a cross-country taxi ride to their new retirement home in Sedona, Ariz., died on Monday in Cottonwood, Ariz. She was 75. Betty and Bob Matas hired a New York cabdriver, Douglas Guldeniz, to drive them the 2,500 miles to Sedona to spare their two cats a trip in an airplane cargo hold. Both of the Matases had spent their lives in the New York area, and neither had ever learned to drive.
http://www.nytimes.com/2007/08/23/nyregion/23matas.html

"Go Sox Go, Go Sox Go! Hey Chicago What Do You Say? Sox are Gonna Die Today!"
Charles Albert "Chuck" Comiskey II, grandson and namesake of the Chicago White Sox founder and a former front-office executive and co-owner during the "Go Go Sox" years in the 1950s, has died. He was 81. While his family name is one of the best-known in Chicago sports history, Comiskey left his own mark in helping to successfully remake the team en route to its first American League pennant in 40 years in 1959.
http://sports.espn.go.com/mlb/news/story?id=2993932


This Week Was Somebody's Birthday! Whose Birthday? Some Death Pool Entrants' Birthdays. How Old Are They? 1,2,3... And Never been Kissed By... Death

Happy Birthday to:
August 22: Ray Bradbury (87)
August 25: Sean Connery (77)
August 25: Van Johnson (91)
... And Many More!!!!!!!!

Back by popular demand, the Commissioner's Council proudly brings you "Skinny Dipping," a weekly glance at some of the goings-on in the Pool. Columns will feature a more in-depth look at some of the squads and picks. To comment on this feature, or suggest an idea for "Skinny Dipping," feel free to send an email our way.

Every week, TWID publishes the Top 5 leaders in the standings. Two numbers are listed alongside the team names: the points total, and the number of deaths recorded to date. While the winner of the pool is obviously the one who scores the most points, picking a high number of deaths should certainly be acknowledged. To date, Kraut's Picks, currently 3rd in points, has the highest number of points deaths, with 7. Following him with 6 deaths each are points leader El Esta Adead , Go to Hell (7th in points), Life's a Bitch (8th), and Mine are the Deadest (12th). That's right - the 1st-place team and 12th-place team have recorded the same amount of deaths. The difference is El Esta Adead's deaths include one solo shot for 20 and a pair of 15-pointers. Mine are the Deadest's largest score was 15, and the next-highest score was 7.5. Meanwhile a pair of teams with 4 deaths recorded are 4th and 5th in the standings. Points per death, as determined by popularity of the pick, obviously plays a huge role in the standings, something worth thinking about as DP 2007 heads into the fall stretch and DP 2008 preparations begin.

No points deaths this week means no change in the Top 5, who remain...

1. El Esta Adead - 76 points (6 deaths)
2. The Ex-Parrots - 58.5 points (5 deaths)
3. Kraut's Picks - 57.1 points (7 deaths)
4. Yiz-score - 54.3 points (4 deaths)
5. Die Hard - 46 points (4 deaths)


Will people continue to die? Will TWID continue to come up with funny headlines for them??? Tune in next week — same Death-time, same Death-channel!
The Commissioner's Council

TWID - Lemonade Day Edition

This Week in Death brings you: A welcome relief from the summer heat! Hop a fence with us and join in on the fun. Get your beach balls inflated and your swim trunks on. Jump in so we can catch you up on the veritable ocean of news you need to know to be an educated death pool competitor. Don't forget to bring a towel! There's still plenty of room for everyone, especially for the next few days. Last one in is a rotting corpse!

We bid farewell to three New York icons this week: Phil Rirruto (those are z's), who sanctified many cows in his career, though probably not among them was Leona Helmsley, a notoriously bitter miser, especially when compared to Brooke Astor, who by all accounts was a gregarious, generous GILF.

A toast: Here's to your Health Updates...

Manager and Wife Clash: Should He Stay or Should He Go?
Luciano Pavarotti has been given the go-ahead by doctors to leave the hospital where he was admitted last week with a fever, but he plans to remain for a few more days just to be sure, his wife said Tuesday. Manager Terri Robson had said in an e-mail to The Associated Press that Pavarotti, 71, would be leaving the hospital in Modena "imminently" after doctors had "happily given him the go-ahead to leave hospital and resume his summer holiday." Later in the day, however, the opera superstar's wife, Nicoletta Mantovani, told reporters outside the clinic that he had chosen to remain for a few more days because he feels more tranquil there than at home, the ANSA news agency reported.
http://www.forbes.com/feeds/ap/2007/08/14/ap4019801.html

Graham Growing Closer to God Every Day
Hospital officials say evangelist Billy Graham had an "excellent night" and is in fair condition today as he recovers from an intestinal bleed. The 88-year-old evangelist is being treated at Mission Health & Hospitals in Asheville, North Carolina. No date has been set for Graham's release, but family members say they hope his hospital stay will be brief. On his web site, Graham writes, "God doesn't want our relationship with Him to be like this, and He has provided us with everything we need to grow closer to Him every day."

http://www.abcnews.go.com/US/story?id=3500491&page=1

Johnson's Brain Back at Full Throttle, Anxious to Filbuster
South Dakota Sen. Tim Johnson will face his constituents for the first time since suffering a brain hemorrhage last December, making a long-awaited public appearance in his home state later this month. Johnson, a Democrat, will appear in Sioux Falls on Aug. 28, his office announced Thursday. He is expected to return to the Senate in September.
http://www.siouxcityjournal.com/articles/2007/08/17/news/south_dakota/88e7512da63424468625733a000cfb5e.txt

Why Is This Man Happy? Because He's 368 in Dog Years
For a minute I'm trying to remember whether I've come to see Jack LaLanne or Robin Williams. But I learn a lot from LaLanne - quick. First, he's 92, not 180. And this guy could bench-press me. With one hand. Turns out I'm the proverbial 98-pound weakling, facing down the 92-year-old he-man. "The Jack LaLanne Show" aired for 34 years. What kept them tuning in? LaLanne says he tried to get fans to think positively by peppering his fitness instruction with cheery aphorisms ("Train for life like an athletic event!"). He also made fitness fun—even bringing pets on the show. Clad in his trademark jumpsuit, LaLanne did crunches, then his dog, Happy, did tricks. "It kept the ratings up," he recalls.
http://www.mercurynews.com/opinion/ci_6646737?nclick_check=1

Sometimes, though, you're just toast. Death...

Grand Papa Roach Squished by the Foot of God
Max Roach, the master percussionist whose rhythmic innovations and improvisations defined bebop jazz during a wide-ranging career where he collaborated with artists from Duke Ellington to rapper Fab Five Freddy, has died after a long illness. He was 83. The self-taught musical prodigy died Wednesday night at an undisclosed hospital in Manhattan, said Cem Kurosman, spokesman for Blue Note Records, one of Roach's labels. What distinguished Roach from other drummers were his fast hands and ability to simultaneously maintain several rhythms. By layering different beats and varying the meter, Roach pushed jazz beyond the boundaries of standard 4/4 time. His dislocated beats helped define bebop.
http://www.cnn.com/2007/SHOWBIZ/Music/08/16/obit.roach.ap/index.html

Leave it to Deaver. Um...Deaver Left
Michael K. Deaver, who arranged some of Ronald Reagan's most memorable photographic backdrops for public consumption and privately gave the president blunt, sometimes contrarian advice, died yesterday at his home in Bethesda, Md. He was 69. The cause was pancreatic cancer, his family said. Mr. Deaver was widely known for creating photo ops that showed Reagan atop the Great Wall of China, at the cliffs of Normandy and filling sandbags to show concern after a Louisiana flood. And he played a central role in planning Reagan's funeral in 2004; the last visual was burial as the sun set over the Pacific Ocean.
http://www.nytimes.com/2007/08/19/washington/19deaver.html

Behind Every Good Woman's Death Is a Goodman
Carolyn Goodman, 91, the mother of one of three civil rights workers killed by the Ku Klux Klan in the renowned "Mississippi Burning" case, died Aug. 17, it was reported from New York. No cause of death was reported. Mrs. Goodman's son Andrew was killed June 21, 1964, in central Mississippi's Neshoba County, along with fellow civil rights workers Michael Schwerner and James Chaney. Carolyn Goodman was a psychologist who founded a program to help mothers leaving mental hospitals learn parenting skills. She set up the Andrew Goodman Foundation in 1966 to carry on her son's legacy.
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2007/08/17/AR2007081702213.html

Phake Peter Pan who Phone Pranked a Peck of Peculiar Phreaks has Passed
A blind genius known as the "Peter Pan of phone hackers" because he insisted on being five years old forever has died in Minneapolis at the age of 58. Joe Engressia, who legally changed his name to Joybubbles in 1991, played a pivotal role in the 1970s subculture of "phone phreaks" after discovering at a young age that he could make free phone calls by whistling tones, The New York Times reported Monday. The precursors of today's computer hackers, the reign of phone phreaks ended when digitalization replaced the tone-based system.
http://www.upi.com/NewsTrack/Top_News/2007/08/20/genius_phone_hacker_dead_at_58/4813/

This Week Was Somebody's Birthday! Whose Birthday? Some Death Pool Entrants' Birthdays. How Old Are They? 1,2,3... And Never been Kissed By... Death

Happy Birthday to:
August 14: Earl Weaver (77)
August 17: W. Mark Felt (94)
August 19: Bill Clinton (61)
... And Many More!!!!!!!!

Back by popular demand, the Commissioner's Council proudly brings you "Skinny Dipping," a weekly glance at some of the goings-on in the Pool. Columns will feature a more in-depth look at some of the squads and picks. To comment on this feature, or suggest an idea for "Skinny Dipping," feel free to send an email our way.

The last two weeks, Skinny Dipping has looked at age extremes and age breakdown by 10-year intervals. In this thrilling final installation of looking closer at dates of birth, we present a quick glance at a breakdown by the month of birth. Legend has it (or, possibly reported in many news outlets) that there are more births during summer than any other season. Well what about DP's 272 picks with known birth dates? (9 have known birth years but not dates, 2 have neither) Here's the breakdown --- January: 27; February: 24; March: 30; April: 19, May: 18; June: 18; July: 30; August: 21; September: 22; October: 29; November: 15; December: 19. That's 70 in the winter months, 67 in the spring, 69 in the summer, and 66 in the fall. So while the commonfolk may breed more in the heat of summer, it is clear that celebrities are more evenly proportioned. Oh, and since you were wondering: the most popular date of birth among the pool picks is July 4th, celebrated by an astonishing six people. Al Davis, the recently departed Leona Helmsley, Pauline Phillips, Alfredo Di Stéfano , George Steinbrenner, and Gloria Stuart all share a birthday with our nation. The rest of the pool is obviously less patriotic.

Three points-deaths this week, who's up for a change in the Top 5? We are! Kraut's Picks, a recent addition to the Top 5, has jumped two spots since we last checked in. The 5...

1. El Esta Adead - 76 points (6 deaths)
2. The Ex-Parrots - 58.5 points (5 deaths)
3. Kraut's Picks - 57.1 points (7 deaths)
4. Yiz-score - 54.3 points (4 deaths)
5. Die Hard - 46 points (3 deaths)


Come sail away, as next week our full boat returns...
The Commissioner's Council

TWID - Road Trip Edition

This Week in Death brings you: A welcome relief from the summer heat! Hop a fence with us and join in on the fun. Get your beach balls inflated and your swim trunks on. Jump in so we can catch you up on the veritable ocean of news you need to know to be an educated death pool competitor. Don't forget to bring a towel! There's plenty of room for everyone, especially during the next week and a half. Death Pool has just been handed an urgent news story and it needs all of you to stop what your doing and listen... Cannonball!


We may not have it all, but at least we have our Health Updates...

Don't Worry, Your Job'll Be Waiting for You When You Get Back. Get better, George! Get betteeeeeeeeer!!!!!
New York Yankees owner George Steinbrenner is in ailing health, according to a lengthy story about him in the upcoming issue of Portfolio magazine. "He doesn't look all right. In fact, he looks dreadful," reporter Franz Lidz writes in the story, which hits newsstands Aug. 15. "Steinbrenner's face, pale and swollen, has a curiously undefined look." Lidz recounts a visit to Steinbrenner's home with Tom McEwen, a longtime Steinbrenner friend, in which Steinbrenner answers a series of different questions, including inquiries about his wife, Joan, by saying, "Great to see ya, Tommy."
http://www.sportingnews.com/yourturn/viewtopic.php?t=249916

Biggs' iPod Playlist Update: Artist - The Strokes; Album - Is This It? Song: Alone, Together
Ronnie Biggs, one of the masterminds of Britain's Great Train Robbery in 1963, is making a renewed bid to be released from jail on compassionate grounds, his lawyers said on Friday. The 77-year-old, who is partially paralyzed and can barely speak after suffering several strokes, wants to spend his remaining years with his family.
http://iafrica.com/news/worldnews/343114.htm

Richie Fetus Enters Fourth Month of Involuntary Hunger Strike

Pregnant reality TV star Nicole Richie was reportedly rushed to hospital recently, fearing she was suffering a miscarriage. The 25-year-old noticed bleeding and worried she would lose her baby at the end of last month, just after she and rocker boyfriend Joel Madden returned to Los Angeles from a tour with his band Good Charlotte. However, doctors quickly assured the four-months pregnant Richie her baby is safe, but did encourage her to eat more to feed the unborn child. An insider tells American magazine Star, "Nicole was bleeding so much, it was really scary for her. "They found out she's suffering from both a hormonal and nutritional deficiency."
http://www.contactmusic.com/news.nsf/article/richie%20rushed%20to%20hospital_1040102

An Opera in Three Parts... Act I: Dramatic Hospitalization; Act II: Wondrous Recovery; Stay Tuned for Act III
Opera superstar Luciano Pavarotti, diagnosed with cancer last year, is doing better after being admitted to hospital two days ago, his wife said on Friday. Pavarotti, 71, regarded by many as the greatest tenor of his generation, was taken to hospital with a high fever in his home town of Modena on Wednesday. He is being treated in the hospital's cancer ward. "He is doing better, thank you," Pavarotti's wife, Nicoletta Mantovani, who is 34 years his junior, told reporters as she left the cancer ward on Friday morning.
http://www.cnn.com/2007/SHOWBIZ/Music/08/10/pavarotti.hospital.reut/index.html

And if you haven't got your health, what have you got? Death...

I'll Take Dead TV Legends for 800, Please: R __ S T I N P __ A C __
His birth name was Mervyn, but the world knew him as Merv Griffin. The 82-year-old died Sunday after being hospitalized earlier in the week for a recurrence of prostate cancer. Born in San Mateo, Calif., Griffin created two of the most popular game shows in syndicated history. "Wheel of Fortune" and "Jeopardy!" remain in production more than two decades after they began. He even wrote the theme music for "Jeopardy!" Beginning in the early 1960's, Griffin was a fixture on daytime TV. The 32-time Emmy nominee actually escorted 17 golden gals home for his work on "The Merv Griffin Show," according to the official website for Griffin's company, The Griffin Group.
http://www.abcnews.go.com/Entertainment/story?id=3471627&page=1

Hazlewood Walked Over by Renal Cancer, Given the Boot from Life
Lee Hazlewood, the reclusive songwriter and producer behind a slew of hits by Duane Eddy, Nancy Sinatra, Frank Sinatra, and Dean Martin in the 1950s and 1960s, including Ms. Sinatra's No. 1 smash "These Boots Are Made for Walkin'," died on Saturday in Henderson, Nev. He was 78. The cause was renal cancer, said his publicist, Perry Serpa.
http://www.nytimes.com/2007/08/07/obituaries/07hazlewood.htm

Wine Prolongs Lives; Heart Attacks End Them
Baron Elie Robert de Rothschild, who helped France's renowned Rothschild winemaking and banking dynasty recover from the ravages of World War II, died Monday while vacationing at his Austrian hunting lodge. He was 90. Rothschild had been on a hunting trip at his lodge near the Alpine village of Scharnitz outside Innsbruck when he suffered a fatal heart attack, police in the province of Tyrol said in a statement.
http://www.iht.com/articles/ap/2007/08/06/europe/EU-GEN-Austria-Obit-Rothschild.php

No Word Whether He Died In Order to Promote MGM's Upcoming "Death at a Funeral"
Frank Rosenfelt, who as chairman and CEO of MGM Studios helped green-light such classic movies as Network and Doctor Zhivago, has died. He was 85. Rosenfelt died Thursday at his Los Angeles home, his granddaughter, Stacey Lubliner, told The Associated Press on Tuesday. She did not know the cause of death. Rosenfelt, a lawyer, joined MGM in 1955 after spending five years in the legal department of RKO. He became MGM's general counsel in 1969 and was named studio chief after mogul Kirk Kerkorian bought MGM in 1972.
http://www.usatoday.com/life/people/2007-08-07-rosenfelt-obit_N.htm?csp=34

This Week Was Somebody's Birthday! Whose Birthday? Some Death Pool Entrants' Birthdays. How Old Are They? 1,2,3... And Never been Kissed By... Death
Happy Birthday to:
August 7: Walid Jumblatt (58)
August 8: Ronnie Biggs (78)
August 10: Doyle Brunson (74)
August 10: Tom Laughlin (76)
August 13: Fidel Castro (81)
August 13: Dan Fogelberg (56)
... And Many More!!!!!!!!

Back by popular demand, the Commissioner's Council proudly brings you "Skinny Dipping," a weekly glance at some of the goings-on in the Pool. Columns will feature a more in-depth look at some of the squads and picks. To comment on this feature, or suggest an idea for "Skinny Dipping," feel free to send an email our way.

Last week in this space, entrants' ages, maybe the most popular factor in deciding picks, was given a closer look. Since having an age is something everybody has in common, another look at the data is certainly appropriate. You might even learn a few new words in the process! As noted last week, the oldest pool pick is Ruby Muhammed, currently 110 years young, making her the lone supercentenarian (Age ≥ 110) in the pool. Joining her are 11 centenarians (Age ≥ 100), which means 4% of the pool is living life in triple digits. Of the remaining 269 with known birth years, as of today's date 59 entrants are nonagenarians, 79 are octogenarians, 67 are septugenarians, 28 are sexagenarians, 18 are quinquagenarians, 12 are quadragenarians, 3 are tricenarians, and 3 are vicenarians. As of today, the average age is 78.2; the median age is 81.

Reminding you that Death claimed 42,642 people on the road in 2006, we remain...

TWID - National Ice Cream Day Edition

This Week in Death brings you: Notes from instructional swim! Come on down to poolside as we review the basics of Death Pool. Feel free to try the crawl, back, breast or butterfly stroke from end to end as we catch you up on all the news you need to know to be an educated death pool competitor. And if you need a kick board, don't be embarrassed, we'll show you how to blow bubbles in the water. General swim returns shortly...

This week brought the passing of two of our most popular members: Charles Lane and Lady Bird Johnson... We'll miss you both very much, and don't worry; we are not fighting over the inheritance. We have divvied up the points fairly.

For better health updates, eat organic....

Diller in a Pickle; Tough to Get Out of it With Strained Back
ET has learned Phyllis Diller did not break her back as earlier reports indicated. She actually fractured a disk in her back while at home. She said it happened after she twisted and turned, and the resulting injury turned out to be a fractured disk in her back. She tells ET that she's going to try and take it easy and let everything heal.
http://www.etonline.com/celebrities/news/48962/

"It's Better to be Pissed Off, then Pissed On!" You know what I mean, Grylls! Um Bear, What Are You Doing in This Video???
"That is probably the most disgusting thing i have seen a hot guy do!" - Speedergurl
"He is my hero. For peeing on his shirt and wearing it on his head to keep cool. In the desert" - Randale87

"OMG HE DRANK HIS OWN PISS!!!! Well he did it in order to survive" - mskiedesfrusciante

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kotNQOYFxkw

No Word If Pavarotti is Fighting More Like Nala or Simba (or Kitna)
Luciano Pavarotti is "fighting like a lion" against his pancreatic cancer and is reacting well to radiotherapy, his wife told an Italian newspaper. "I can now say he is doing well," Nicoletta Mantovani said in an interview published Wednesday in the Italian daily La Stampa. "He's determined and results are encouraging," she said. "Despite the heavy treatment he has not lost weight, which by the way he would have liked, or his hair."
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2007/07/11/AR2007071100559.html

Flatley Mysteriously Flirting with Flat-lining?
Dance star Michael Flatley has enlisted a team of doctors find a cure for the mystery immune virus that left him fighting for his life last December (06). Flatley was taken ill while rehearsing for Celtic Tiger, his latest show. The mystery virus left him hospitalised for weeks, amid reports it might rob him of the ability to dance.
http://www.postchronicle.com/news/entertainment/tittletattle/article_21292104.shtml

You know what? Charles Lane and Lady Bird don't get all the death attention this week...

Should have Shagged Now; No More Shag Later
Longtime major league umpire Shag Crawford, patriarch of a family of prominent sports officials, died Wednesday. He was 90. Jerry Crawford said his father died at an assisted living facility in suburban Philadelphia. "For someone who was going to be 91 in August, he was in pretty good health for a long time," Crawford said by telephone. Jerry Crawford became a big league umpire in the mid-1970s, around the time his brother, Joey, became an NBA official.
http://sports.espn.go.com/mlb/news/story?id=2933577&campaign=rss&source=MLBHeadlines

Sadly, There Was No Fluffer on Hand to Keep Him Going
Jim Mitchell, who teamed with his brother, Artie, to build a legendary porn empire that included San Francisco's O'Farrell Theatre and several revolutionary skin flicks -- and who in 1991 shot his brother dead -- died Thursday night at his Sonoma County ranch home, family and coroner's officials said. He was 63. "He was sitting in his chair and doing something, I think watching TV, and he just, 'Ehhhh.' That was it. His heart quit him just like that," said Merle Lane, a relative by marriage.
http://www.mercurynews.com/breakingnews/ci_6368479?nclick_check=1

Kudzu Creator Crashes. Have to Wonder What the Last Thought Bubble Through His Head Was...
Doug Marlette, the North Carolina-born cartoonist who won a Pulitzer Prize and created the popular strip "Kudzu," was killed in a car accident Tuesday morning in Mississippi, authorities said. He was 57. Marlette was the passenger in the car, which struck a tree after skidding on a rain-slicked road, said John Garrison, the coroner in Mississippi's Marshall County.
http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20070710/ap_en_ot/obit_marlette;_ylt=AmImHQ_FMeyqQJQ8FffnKxNY24cA

Larry Can't Stave off Illness; Should've Tried Indiana Pace-maker
Larry Staverman, who was the first coach of the Indian Pacers when they started as an ABA franchise, died Wednesday after a long illness. He was 70. "By being our first coach, he was a believer in the franchise at a time when there were many doubters," Pacers CEO Donnie Walsh said in a statement. "That is something we recognize and hope our fans recognize. Our condolences go to his family and friends."
http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20070713/ap_on_sp_bk_ne/bkn_obit_staverman

Back with popular demand, the Commissioner's Council proudly brings you "Skinny Dipping," a weekly glance at some of the goings-on in the Pool. Columns will feature a more in-depth look at some of the squads and picks. To comment on this feature, or suggest an idea for "Skinny Dipping," feel free to send an email our way.

Last week also introduced the "Skinny Dipping Curse." Skinny Dipping boasted of the continued living of both Charles Lane and Lady Bird Johnson, only to see both perish. Who will skinny dipping curse this week? Find out... right now.

While most weeks this space will be used to take a look at some of the more trivia-related aspects of Death Pool, be it the entries in the Pool, or the names that appear on those entries, a week like this, with 22 point additions to 15 teams (7 teams double-dipped this week!), forces a look at the entire depth of the pool. 10 teams began the week with no points recorded; the passing of two popular picks, Charles Lane and Lady Bird Johnson, shrank that number by 4. Incredibly, three teams (Satan's Waiting Room , Grateful I'm Not Dead, and Hagler's Rolls) broke their shutout on Tuesday and got their second score on Wednesday. One team (Anybody But Me) only had Johnson. When the dust cleared, 6 teams remain points-less; in better news, they still have 168 3/8 days left to get on the board!

The Leaders Remain... No, wait! We have an adjustment! Repeat, an adjustment! With her 5.5 point increase this week, Go to Hell has now cracked the Top Sorry, Av S. Is My Hero - better luck this week.

1. El Esta Adead - 66 points (5 deaths)
2. The Ex-Parrots - 58.5 points (5 deaths)
3. Yiz-score - 50 points (3 deaths)
4. Die Hard - 46 points (3 deaths)
5. Go to Hell - 43 points (5 deaths)


Don't let the heat drag you down, cool down with a dip in the death pool... an instructional dip, of course.
The Commissioner's Council

TWID - All Star Break Edition

This Week in Death brings you: Notes from the game of pool! We've set up the balls in the rack and chalked up the cues. Join us as we go solids versus stripes, and catch you up on all the news you need to know to be a Fats Domino-like death pool competitor. Watch out for the 8-Ball, like death... it's an end. Unlike death, it doesn't give you any points.

If you don't have your health update, you have no update.

Some Lady Birds Weren't Meant to be Caged
Lady Bird Johnson, the former first lady, was released from the hospital Thursday and was resting comfortably at her home, a family spokesman said. Johnson, 94, was admitted to Seton Medical Center a week ago and treated for a low-grade fever. She remained at the hospital for observation after the fever subsided.
http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,287258,00.html

Richie Now Eating For One
In Touch Weekly magazine and TMZ.com are confirming rumors that "Simple Life" star Nicole Richie is pregnant. An unidentified friend says Richie was planning on withholding the news until she was at least three months pregnant.
http://www.13wham.com/news/national/story.aspx?content_id=1fa0ab6b-4770-4db9-96a3-658329239e11

Look Who Knows So Much? Just So Happens that Your Father Here Is Only Mostly Dead
Italian opera sensation Luciano Pavarotti will release a new album of classical religious music, despite battling cancer. The tenor has been diagnosed with pancreatic cancer and his weight has dropped dramatically since undergoing a recent operation to remove a tumour. But despite his ill health, the 71-year-old still plans to release an album of sacred songs. The news of the new project follows reports of Pavarotti's daughter claiming the singer "knows he's going to die soon" - a statement which has been disputed by Robson.
http://www.pr-inside.com/pavarotti-dampens-dying-rumours-with-r164632.htm

Notorious B.I.G.G.S.? Every Move He Makes, We'll Be Watching Him
Ronnie Biggs, one of the masterminds of Britain's Great Train Robbery in 1963, has been transferred to a lower security jail because of his ailing health and advancing years, media said Wednesday. The 77-year-old, who is partially paralysed and can barely speak after suffering several strokes, has been moved from Belmarsh high security jail in south-east London to a prison for elderly inmates in Norwich, eastern England. http://www.khaleejtimes.com/DisplayArticleNew.asp?xfile=data/theworld/2007/July/theworld_July114.xml&section=theworld&col=

What's that you say? Death Gordon is approaching?

Down and Out Is Beverly Sills
Beverly Sills, the Brooklyn-born opera diva who was a global icon of can-do American culture with her dazzling voice, bubbly personality and management moxie in the arts world, died Monday of cancer, her manager said. She was 78.
http://www.cnn.com/2007/SHOWBIZ/Music/07/02/obit.beverly.sills.ap/index.html

This Boots was Made for Walking, But That's Not What He'll Do
Boots Randolph, whose spirited saxophone playing on "Yakety Sax" endeared him to fans for years on Benny Hill's TV show, died Tuesday. He was 80. Randolph played regularly in Nashville nightclubs for 30 years, becoming a tourist draw for the city much like Wayne Newton in Las Vegas and Pete Fountain in New Orleans.
http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20070703/ap_en_mu/obit_randolph

Yabba Dabba Dead!
Will H. Schaefer, a composer whose music accompanied hit television shows such as "I Dream of Jeannie" and "The Flintstones," has died in California, a family friend said Wednesday. He was 78. The Wisconsin-native wrote background music, which is different from theme songs, for such TV shows as "The Flying Nun," "Hogan's Heroes," "The AristoCats," "The Jetsons," "The SpongeBob SquarePants Movie" and "The Tonight Show" with Johnny Carson.
http://www.variety.com/article/VR1117968075.html?categoryid=14&cs=1&nid=2568

Walker's Lung Cancer as Deadly as Dy-no-mite!
Former Providence great Jimmy Walker, the only player from a New England college to be selected with the first pick in the NBA draft, died Monday of lung cancer in Kansas City, Mo. He was 63. In three seasons at Providence, Walker averaged 25.2 points per game and scored a total of 2,045, a school record that stood for 38 years.
http://sports.espn.go.com/ncb/news/story?id=2925047

Shekhar-a's Truth-Telling Hips Laid to Rest
Former Prime Minister Chandra Shekhar died of cancer on Sunday in New Delhi at the age of 80, a hospital statement said. Chandra Shekhar, who headed a coalition government as India's 11th prime minister from 1990 to 1991, was a socialist politician from Uttar Pradesh.
http://in.today.reuters.com/news/NewsArticle.aspx?type=topNews&storyID=2007-07-08T124445Z_01_NOOTR_RTRMDNC_0_India-283699-1.xml

26 editions of TWID down, and this edition marks the first of 26 to go. To mark this occasion, the Commissioner's Council proudly introduces "Skinny Dipping," a weekly glance at some of the goings-on in the Pool. Columns will feature a more in-depth look at some of the squads and picks. To comment on this feature, or suggest an idea for "Skinny Dipping," feel free to send an email our way. Without further ado...

Entering 2007, it seemed like using a spot on the roster for Fidel Castro would be a wise choice. Halfway through the year, however, it's been looking like Milk. Castro, who came into the year in poor health, was selected by 17 of the 30 teams. Socialite Brooke Astor, who turned 105 recently, was the 2nd-most popular pick, appearing on 13 rosters. Fellow centenarian Charles Lane came in 3rd, with 12 rosters forecasting his demise. Rounding out the Top 5 are Albert Hofmann (a vibrant 101-year old) and subject of many a health update Lady Bird Johnson, each having been selected 10 times. What do they all have in common (besides, you know, being really old)? Well, halfway through the year, none of them have put points on the board. In fact, none of the 18 picks at the top of the frequency list have passed on. Maybe Agent Kay was right after all: A person is smart. People are dumb, panicky, dangerous animals and you know it... The most popular picks to be a source of points have been Kitty Carlisle and Maurice Papon, with each being selected by 5 people.

Don't forget to bring a scoring update!

1. El Esta Adead - 66 points (5 deaths)
2. The Ex-Parrots - 58.5 points (5 deaths)
3. Yiz-score - 50 points (3 deaths)
4. Die Hard - 46 points (3 deaths)
5. Av S. is My Hero - 41 points (3 deaths)


Don't let the heat drag you down, cool down with a dip in the death pool...
The Commissioner's Council