TWID- Memorial Day Edition

This Week in Death brings you: Notes from around the pool! We already stuck our toe in and the water is perfect... So come on in as we take you from the shallow to the deep end, and catch you up on all the news you need to know to be an educated death pool competitor. Stay tuned for this week's Special Feature: Top 5 death pool squads found at the bottom of TWID!

Goodbye Charles Nelson Reilly. Hello Twenty Points for the Ex-Parrots. We will never forget your persona as a wacky game show panelist and talk show guest. Your humor slayed us.

But there is health to deal with. And when there's a health, there's a TWID.

Hello... Newman. Organic Foods Welcomes Paul to Second Career
That iconic face on the bottles of organic dressings, popcorn, sauces and other items that grace the Newman's Own product line is resting a little easier these days. Actor Paul Newman has announced that he is leaving the Hollywood scene to focus on his life as an organic entrepreneur. Newman said that because he's no longer at the top of the game with acting, he's more than happy to leave it behind to focus on other projects.
http://www.ecorazzi.com/?p=2641

Shimon Spends One Night in Peres' Hospital Room. Night Vision Said to be Distracting
Sonia Peres' condition has improved, she regained consciousness and was taken off the respirator, the Sheba Medical Center in Tel Hashomer reported Friday.The son added that his father had spent the night at the hospital until Sonia's exact condition was made clear. "He is in touch with us the entire time and is worried about her."
http://www.ynetnews.com/articles/0,7340,L-3404483,00.html

Castro back to Eating Food. His Illness Stemmed from Hanging with Nicole Richie
Cuban leader Fidel Castro has yet to appear in public since falling ill last July. But this week he ended a long silence about his health, issuing a signed statement late Wednesday saying he was eating solid foods and had regained weight.
http://www.sptimes.com/2007/05/25/Worldandnation/Castro_recovers_healt.shtml

Kevorkian Back to Cavorting. It's a World Wide Suicide.
For nearly a decade, Dr. Jack Kevorkian waged a defiant campaign to help other people kill themselves. The retired pathologist left bodies at hospital emergency rooms and motels and videotaped a death that was broadcast on CBS' "60 Minutes." His actions prompted battles over assisted suicide in many states.
http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20070527/ap_on_re_us/kevorkian_s_release

Death is a part of life. And TWID...

Kaiser was on a Roll but was Tripped up by Pneumonia
Philip M. Kaiser, a former ambassador to Austria, Hungary and Senegal who during the Cuban Missile Crisis acted to deny the Soviet Union landing rights at airports where its planes might refuel, died Thursday. He was 93. Kaiser died of aspiration pneumonia at Sibley Hospital in Washington, his family said. He had been admitted three days earlier.
http://www.foxnews.com/wires/2007May24/0,4670,ObitKaiser,00.html

Chaney, Civil Rights Activist, Never Shot Anyone in the Face
Fannie Lee Chaney, a $28-a-week bakery worker who became a target of racial hatred herself after her son James Chaney and two other civil rights workers were killed by the Ku Klux Klan in Mississippi during the Freedom Summer of 1964, died on Tuesday in Willingboro, N.J. She was 84.
http://www.nytimes.com/2007/05/24/obituaries/24chaney.html?_r=1&ref=obituaries&oref=slogin

Why do Bad Things Happen to Good Porters?
Howard Porter had recovered from drug addiction and failed NBA dreams to become a mentor to young players and source of hope for troubled adults in the Twin Cities. His inspirational life ended with a mysterious death. A week after he was found severely beaten in an alley, Porter, one of the best basketball players in Villanova history, died Saturday night. He was 58.
http://sports.espn.go.com/ncb/news/story?id=2884248

Beck was a Loser, Baby, so Cancer Killed Him
James Beck, a Columbia University art historian who became well known as a critic of what he viewed as the ruinous conservation of world masterpieces, including Michelangelo's Sistine Chapel ceiling, died on Saturday in Manhattan. He was 77. The cause was cancer, according to Columbia's department of art history and archaeology.
http://www.nytimes.com/2007/05/29/arts/29beck.html?ex=1338091200&en=cd5b8b69f5d921f1&ei=5088&partner=rssnyt&emc=rss

As promised, THE TOP FIVE

1. El Esta Adead, 51 points (4 deaths)
2. Yiz-Score, 50 points (3 deaths)
3. Die Hard, 46 points (3 deaths)
4. The Ex-Parrots , 43.5 points (4 deaths)
5. Av S. is My Hero, 41 points (3 deaths)
   

And of course, in the Memorial Day Edition, we remember all the soldiers that have died protecting this country. If TWID could write a headline for each of them, it would.

The Commissioner's Council

TWID- Subway Series Edition

This Week in Death brings you: Notes from around the pool! We already stuck our toe in and the water is perfect... So come on in as we take you from the shallow to the deep end, and catch you up on all the news you need to know to be an educated death pool competitor.

Health is a wonderful thing, Health is a really cool thing, so get off your elth, let's do some health, health, health, health, health, heeeeeeealth.

Leaky Fawcett; Cancer Drips back After Three Months
Actress Farrah Fawcett has confirmed that doctors in Los Angeles have found another malignant polyp in the same area she had rectal cancer. The new cancer was found just three months after Fawcett was given the all clear, but luckily the cancer has not spread, said "Chasing Farrah" executive producer Craig Nevius.
http://www.themoneytimes.com/articles/20070520/farrah_fawcett_braces_for_cancer_battle-id-103893.html

His Illness Flails About as if Independent from his Body
Multi-Millionaire dancer Michael Flatley has been struck again by the same mystery virus that resulted in him being hospitalised last November. The Lord of The Dance creator, whose wife Niamh gave birth to their first child three weeks ago, is back on heavy medication but is determined not to let his ill health get him down. "I just have to be patient and accept that it is a long road to recovery," he said.
http://www.irishexaminer.com/irishexaminer/pages/story.aspx-qqqg=ireland-qqqm=ireland-qqqa=ireland-qqqid=33246-qqqx=1.asp

Maradona Defers World Cup Tour for Alcohol Cup Pour
The tour of Asia that Diego Maradona was to start next week was suspended due to the treatment that the former Argentine football star is undergoing to overcome his addiction to alcohol. Officials at the Thai Embassy in Buenos Aires told the news agency Telam on Monday that the trip to Indonesia, Vietnam, Singapore and Thailand will probably take place in late June.
http://www.earthtimes.org/articles/show/62538.html

Terkel Turns 95, Remains Stud
American original Studs Terkel, the author and oral historian who for decades gave a voice to working men and women, turned 95 Wednesday. But don't worry about his memory. He's sharp as a tack. In fact, he's the one doing the worrying -- about what he describes as the memory loss of a country he suggests may be more interested in the transgressions of celebrities than more substantive affairs such as the politics of the Bush administration, which he characterizes as a "burlesque show."
http://www.cnn.com/2007/SHOWBIZ/books/05/16/terkel.birthday.reut/index.html

That's right, I was testing you.... its death. And that's a magic number...

Tinky Winky Confirms Fallwell was in to Hurly-Burly
The Rev. Jerry Fallwell, the fundamentalist preacher who founded the Moral Majority and brought the language and passions of religious conservatives into the hurly-burly of American politics, died yesterday in Lynchburg, Va. He was 73.
http://www.nytimes.com/2007/05/16/obituaries/16falwell.html?_r=1&oref=slogin

Remains to be Seen Whether Heaven Left a Light on for Him
William Becker, who after enduring rundown, though not particularly cheap, motel rooms on a cross-country trip in 1960 got the idea for the Motel 6 chain, charging $6 a night for a spare but clean room, died April 2 at his ranch outside Kingman, Ariz. He was 85.
http://www.nytimes.com/2007/05/15/business/15becker.html?_r=2&ref=obituaries&oref=slogin&oref=slogin

King Enters Long Slumber, No Word on Ability to "Having a Dream"
Yolanda King, the Rev. Martin Luther King Jr.'s eldest child who pursued her father's dream of racial harmony through drama and motivational speaking, collapsed and died. She was 51. The family did not know the cause of death, but relatives think it might have been a heart problem, he said.
http://www.cnn.com/2007/US/05/16/obit.king.ap/index.html

"Am I Crazy or is that a Lot of Siblings? That's a Lot of Siblings."
Terry Ryan, author of the bestselling book, "The Prize Winner of Defiance, Ohio: How My Mother Raised 10 Kids on 25 Words or Less," died Wednesday at her home in San Francisco. She was 60. The cause of death was cancer, according to Pat Holt, her partner of nearly a quarter-century. She is survived by her nine siblings and their children.
http://sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/c/a/2007/05/17/BAGP0P3U2E115.DTL

There's no way you can stop... the School of Death!

The Commissioner's Council

TWID - Mother's Day Edition

This Week in Death brings you: Notes from around the pool! We already stuck our toe in and the water is perfect... So come on in as we take you from the shallow to the deep end, and catch you up on all the news you need to know to be an educated death pool competitor.

Mother's nurture you, so in their honor, we start this week with- Health!

Tammy Faye is Half-Bakked; Matter of Time
Tammy Faye Bakker, the disgraced televangelist whose reputations was rehabilitated, has penned a goodbye letter to her fans in which she says doctors have stopped treating her cancer. "The doctors have stopped trying to treat the cancer and so now it's up to God and my faith. And that's enough! But please continue to pray for the pain and sick stomach."
http://www.reuters.com/article/peopleNews/idUSN0927384020070509

Surprisingly, no Chapter Titled "Prepare a Death Pool Notice"
At age 90, actor Kirk Douglas has written his ninth, and he swears, final book. Featuring chapters like "Thinking About Death," "Dealing With Death," "Almost Dying," "Reading Obituaries" and "Sunset," the book is called, "Let's Face it."
http://ca.today.reuters.com/news/newsArticle.aspx?type=oddlyEnoughNews&storyID=2007-05-08T110647Z_01_N07379441_RTRIDST_0_LIFESTYLE-DOUGLAS-COL.XML

Diego, It Wasn't Us, We Promise You Have Been in our 'Health' Section Only
Argentine football hero Diego Maradona has vowed to get healthy after a stint in hospital suffering from alcohol-induced hepatitis. In a live televised interview, he also vowed to find out who spread the rumour that he had died while he was in treatment.
http://itn.co.uk/news/41a4547649f2026ef504b9c49fac365e.html

Huanging On: What is the Secret of the Ju's Longevity?
The Chinese government on Wednesday denied media reports that Vice Premier Huang Ju, one of the nine most powerful men in the Communist Party hierarchy, had died. "It is our understanding that news regarding comrade Huang Ju's death is totally unfounded," an official with the cabinet spokesman's office said by telephone.
http://www.boston.com/news/world/asia/articles/2007/05/09/china_denies_vice_premier_has_died/

Look Who Knows so Much. It just so Happens that Your Friend here is only Mostly Dead.
I believe Castro's masterminding his own slow fade. Of course Castro, a politician without parallel in recent history, may be dead already. Or not. In any case, we may not know when he actually does pass. Castro is likely using his death to his advantage: his final political gambit.
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/susan-braudy/is-fidel-castro-mastermin_b_47896.html

And then there was death...

Mendel Claims he Ordered a Zima, not Emphysema
Former U.S. Rep. Mendel J. Davis, who represented South Carolina's 1st District for nearly a decade during the 1970s, died Sunday. He was 64.Davis, the last Democrat to win the district that covers much of the coast, died of complications from emphysema.
http://www.myrtlebeachonline.com/575/story/67980.html

You're Right James Prince, it is Real Sad
Former two-division world champion Diego "Chico" Corrales, who lived as hard as he fought, died in a motorcycle crash Monday night in Las Vegas. "He crashed on a motorcycle. It don't look like he made it through this," manager James Prince told ESPN.com as he was arriving on the scene. "He's dead. It's real sad."
http://sports.espn.go.com/sports/boxing/news/story?id=2863505

Harrington Scared to Death; Takes Final Curtis-y
Curtis Harrington, who dived under his seat while watching his first horror film as a child, then went on to be a filmmaker known for his elegant, edgy cinematic forays into the macabre, died on Sunday at his home in the Hollywood Hills section of Los Angeles. He was 80.
http://www.nytimes.com/2007/05/10/movies/10harrington.html?_r=1&ref=obituaries&oref=slogin

Comonna Wanna Layou to Rest
King Malietoa Tanumafili II, one of the world's longest reigning monarchs, has died at a hospital in Samoa. He was 94. Malietoa Tanumafili had sat on the Samoan throne since the country gained independence from New Zealand in 1962.
http://www.theage.com.au/news/world/samoan-monarch-dies-at-94/2007/05/13/1178994992661.html

Prostate Cancer killed Yahweh who Killed the Angel of Death... Chad Gadya, Chad Gaaaaadya
Former cult leader Yahweh Ben Yahweh, who was linked to nearly two dozen gruesome killings in the 1980s and said to have ordered victims' ears cut off as proof they were killed, has died. Yahweh, who had been fighting prostate cancer, died in his sleep Monday night, attorney Jayne Weintraub said.
http://www.iht.com/articles/ap/2007/05/08/america/NA-GEN-US-Obit-Yahweh-Ben-Yahweh.php

That's all for TWID. "Because living is good, and dying... not as good"

The Commissioner's Council

TWID - Cinco De Mayo Edition

This Week in Death brings you: Notes from around the pool! We already stuck our toe in and the water is perfect... So come on in as we take you from the shallow to the deep end, and catch you up on all the news you need to know to be an educated death pool competitor.

We say goodbye to Tom Poston. We will always remember the time you sold a half a million break pads. But we solider on. Tom wouldn't have wanted it any other way.

In the beginning, God created health...

Johnson Pumped Up About Return
Sen. Tim Johnson returned to his residence outside Washington Friday, more than four months after he suffered a brain hemorrhage. Johnson since February has been receiving treatment at the National Rehabilitation Hospital in Washington. The attending physician at the hospital, Dr. Michael Yochelson, said Johnson continues to show significant progress.
http://www.kare11.com/news/news_article.aspx?storyid=252479

Mayday! Mayday! No Castro Sighting at May Day
Tuesday marked just the third time since leading the Cuban revolution in 1959 that Castro missed May Day, the country's International Worker's day festivities. Nine months without any public appearances has many of his supporters worried about his condition.
http://www.presstv.ir/detail.aspx?id=8385&sectionid=3510207

He's About One More Hospital Stay from "Thanks for Stopping by , Diego"
Argentine football legend Diego Maradona will enter a Buenos Aires mental health clinic for 13 days for treatment for alcohol abuse, his personal doctor Alfredo Cahe said on Thursday.Former Argentine captain Maradona, who has struggled with cocaine and alcohol abuse for years, was hospitalised for 22 days in April suffering from hepatitis linked to heavy drinking.
http://www.dnaindia.com/report.asp?NewsID=1094499

A week later, there was death...

Goat Wife Dies; Jim Breuer Sa-aaaa-dened
The best-known goat in Sudan has died months after being "married" to a man in the South Sudan capital, Juba, the BBC has learned. Local elders ordered a man found having sex with the goat, later called Rose, to "marry" her last February. Rose, black and white, is believed to have died after choking on a plastic bag she swallowed as she was eating scraps on the streets of Juba.
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/africa/6619983.stm

Boyd Brought Taste to New Generation
Edward F. Boyd, who as a young sales executive parlayed his assignment to promote Pepsi-Cola to fellow blacks into a war against white racism and black stereotypes, meanwhile selling oceans more soda, died on April 30 in Los Angeles, PepsiCo announced. He was 92.
http://www.nytimes.com/2007/05/06/business/06boyd.html?_r=1&ref=obituaries&oref=slogin

For the Honor of Grayskull...He was Schi-Rra!
Wally Schirra, one of the original astronauts in the Mercury 7 project, died Thursday at age 84, NASA officials said. Schirra died in California, the officials said. He was the fifth American in space and the third to orbit Earth. He was the only astronaut who flew in three of the nation's pioneering space programs: Mercury, Gemini and Apollo.
http://www.cnn.com/2007/TECH/space/05/03/schirra.obit/index.html

"ALVIN!!!" Batiste says Ba-bye
Alvin Batiste, a widely respected jazz clarinetist, composer and educator who played across the musical spectrum, from traditional to avant-garde styles, and was a prolific figure on the jazz festival circuit, died Sunday at his home in New Orleans after an apparent heart attack. He was 74.
http://www.latimes.com/news/obituaries/la-me-batiste7may07,1,1005149.story?coll=la-news-obituaries&ctrack=1&cset=true

Me? Deathpool. You? Dead
Gordon Scott, a handsome, muscular actor who portrayed Tarzan in the 1950s, died here on Monday. He was 80. "He was an absolutely wonderful Tarzan who played the character as an intelligent and nice man who carried himself well, much as my grandfather had originally written it," Mr. Burroughs's grandson Danton Burroughs told The Baltimore Sun.
http://www.nytimes.com/2007/05/05/arts/05scott.html?_r=1&ref=obituaries&oref=slogin

Livingly Yours,

The Commissioner's Council

TWID - International Dance Day Edition

This Week in Death brings you: Notes from around the pool! We already stuck our toe in and the water is perfect... So come on in as we take you from the shallow to the deep end, and catch you up on all the news you need to know to be an educated death pool competitor.

We at TWID are pro health-care. That's correct, we care about health...

He Lives Downstairs and It's Understood.... Castro in Charge of Me!
President Hugo Chavez said Sunday his friend and political ally Fidel Castro is "in charge" again nearly nine months after undergoing intestinal surgery. The Cuban leader has not been seen in public since before July 31, when he announced he had undergone surgery and provisionally ceded power to his younger brother Raul.
[CBS 4]

Not Simply a Lean Mean Gryllsing Machine
Bear Grylls has been plagued with back pain for over ten years - for which he only recently found an effective treatment. More worryingly, he also suffers from high levels of cholesterol, caused by a genetic disease which killed his father and grandfather - and which poses as much of a danger to him as his Boys' Own exploits.
[Daily Mail]

The Best bin Laden Plans of Mice and Men
A Taliban military commander says Osama bin Laden helped plan the deadly suicide car bombing outside Bagram Air Base targeting a "very important American official," apparently referring to Vice President Dick Cheney. Referring to bin Laden, Dadullah told the Arab-language network al-Jazeera, "Praise be to God he is still alive, and we have information about him and praise be to God he orchestrates plans in both Iraq and Afghanistan.

[CNN]

Red symbolizes? Death.

He Picked Avis, but God Still Picked Him Up
Warren E. Avis, a Michigan car dealership owner who, frustrated at waiting for taxis outside airports, founded a chain of car rental agencies and turned it into the nation's second biggest, died yesterday at his home in Ann Arbor, Mich. He was 92.
[New York Times]

... It's HERBIE Hancock
Josh Hancock, a relief pitcher who helped the team win the World Series last season, died early Sunday when his sport utility vehicle slammed into the back of a tow truck. "There's a big hole that's going to be there," St. Louis manager Tony La Russa said. "This is brutal to go through."
[ESPN]

Valenti's Death was Rated R for Strong Violent Content and Disturbing Images
Jack Valenti was not just Hollywood's top lobbyist. He was one of its biggest stars. The 85-year-old Valenti, who died Thursday of complications from a stroke in March, led the movie industry out of the prudishness of old Hollywood and into an age of freer expression with the creation of the film rating system that has endured nearly 40 years.
[Seattle Post-Intelligencer]

He Doesn't Do the Monster Mash; Ipso Facto It is Not a Smash
Bobby "Boris" Pickett, whose dead-on Boris Karloff impression propelled the Halloween anthem to the top of the charts in 1962, making him one of pop music's most enduring one-hit wonders, has died of leukemia. He was 69.
[CNN]

Pulitzer Prize Possessor Painfully Pulverized
Pulitzer Prize-winning journalist and author David Halberstam has died in a car accident in Menlo Park, California, near San Francisco, the San Mateo County coroner's office said Monday. The driver is a student at the Graduate School of Journalism at the University of California, Berkeley, where Halberstam had spoken Saturday about the craft of journalism, the Associated Press reported.
[CNN]

He was an Oscar Mayer Wiener and Everyone was in Love with Him
Harold Max Mayer, former chairman of Oscar Mayer and Company, who helped oversee the company's sale in 1981, died Friday at his home here. He was 90. He died in his sleep, according to Donnellan Family Funeral Services.
[New York Times]

Oh... What a Feeling, When We're Dying on the Ceiling

The Commissioner's Council

TWID - 4:20 Edition

This Week in Death brings you: Notes from around the pool! We already stuck our toe in and the water is perfect... So come on in as we take you from the shallow to the deep end, and catch you up on all the news you need to know to be an educated death pool competitor.

Fare thee well, Kitty Carlisle Hart. You were a champion of the arts in your life, and you gave in death as well... gave points; points to death pool competitors. Thank you for caring.

As always, priorities straight... Health!

One More Win for Wooden; Legacy Still Alive
John Wooden is resting at home after being released from a hospital. The 96-year-old former UCLA coach had been hospitalized since Sunday. Wooden's daughter reported he is "doing well" and he is thankful for people's thoughts, prayers, cards and notes.
[KTVU]

If the Article's Picture is not Lying, Maradona Needs to Quit More than Drinking
Argentine football player Diego Maradona has been transferred from hospital to a private psychiatric clinic in Buenos Aires for treatment for alcoholism. Maradona has spent much of the past month in hospital with acute toxic hepatitis related to alcohol abuse.
[TLT News]

Putting the Ah Man to Ahmadinejad; Assassination Necessary Claims Amit
Western countries must unite in an effort to assassinate Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, former head of the Mossad Meir Amit said on Wednesday night. "Even though in the past I have been opposed to assassinating Arab leaders, this case is different because it alone is the center of the nuclear issue."
[Jerusalem Post]

Knievel Kleaving to Kristianity; Evel no Longer Evil
Former motorcycle daredevil Evel Knievel recently took a leap of faith. Knievel spoke for about 20 minutes to more than 4,000 people who gathered inside the Crystal Cathedral for services on April 1, telling them how he'd been a sinner all his life and now things had changed.
Schuller said Knievel had called him a couple of weeks earlier, telling him, "Dr. Schuller, I've accepted Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior."
[Billings Gazette]

Still a Biggs Tossup. Would you Rather be the Biggs in a Vegetative State or the Biggs who is IN a Vegetative State?
Great Train Robber Ronnie Biggs has been told he will freed in Three years. But his lawyer believes the frail 77-year-old crook has only months to live anyway. "I'm very grateful to the Home Office for giving us this concession. But it's very likely Ronnie Biggs will die in jail long before that. He cannot walk, talk, eat or go to the toilet. He is in a vegetative state."
[ThePeople.co.uk]

And, Death; Dumb, Points-less death...

Yeltsin Goes the Way of Communism; Nation and Natasha Mourn Boris
Former President Boris Yeltsin, who engineered the final collapse of the Soviet Union and pushed Russia to embrace democracy and a market economy, has died, a Kremlin official said Monday. He was 76.
[MSNBC]

In the Movie Version She will be Known as Juanita Millender-McDowell
Rep. Juanita Millender-McDonald, a seven-term congresswoman from southern California, died late Saturday of cancer. Millender-McDonald, who was 68, died at her home in Carson, California. The congresswoman had asked for a four- to six-week leave of absence from the House last week to deal with her illness.
[CNN]

Walton Rolled Back; Bouncing Yellow Smiley Face Still at Large
Helen Robson Walton, widow of Wal-Mart founder Sam Walton, died Thursday evening at her home, the company said in a news release. She was 87. Walton was surrounded by family members when she died of natural causes, the company said. "We are so proud of our mother and the life she led," said Rob Walton, eldest son of Sam and Helen Walton and chairman of Wal-Mart Stores Inc.
[CNN]

Moose Passes. Midge to Lead Procession Past Chocklit Shoppe
Harry "Moose" Miller, who played in the first game in NBA history, passed away Wednesday night, according to the National Basketball Retired Players Association. He was 83. He died Wednesday in Latrobe, Pa. from kidney failure, according to the association.
[ESPN]

Parry, Parry, Thrust, Thrust, Good! O'Brien Dies, Rumored to be of Iocaine Powder
Parry O'Brien, who revolutionized shot-putting technique, won three Olympic medals (two gold) and became the first man to reach 59, 60, 61, 62 and 63 feet, died Saturday during a masters swimming race in Santa Clarita, Calif. He was 75 and lived in Rancho Belago, Calif., west of Palm Springs.
[New York Times]

Have a health or death tip? Have a thought to share about TWID? Want to compliment the font choice for the upcoming words "The Commissioner's Council?" Don't forget - our hotline is always open at Deathpool2007@gmail.com Representatives are standing by...

The Commissioner's Council

TWID - Jackie Robinson Edition

This Week in Death brings you: Notes from around the pool! We already stuck our toe in and the water is perfect... So come on in as we take you from the shallow to the deep end, and catch you up on all the news you need to know to be an educated death pool competitor

We thought about changing all the headlines to "42," but instead we will say: Rest in Peace Barry Nelson. We hardly knew ye. Send Jackie our Best. These people, however, are alive. For Now.

Successfully Fords the River; Morale is High
Former First Lady Betty Ford is back home recovering from an unspecified minor surgery she had at Eisenhower Medical Center last week. "Mrs. Ford is resting comfortably at her home," a statement issued Monday by her office read. "She is recovering well."
http://www.thedesertsun.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20070410/NEWS01/704100314/1006

Maradona Proving to be a Much More Unhealthy Diego than San
Diego Maradona has been readmitted to hospital after suffering a relapse following his recent health scare. The former Argentina captain left the hospital after two weeks' treatment for hepatitis brought on by an overindulgence in alcohol, cigars and food. However, he was rushed to the hospital in the early hours of Friday morning after suffering severe stomach pains.
http://www.metro.co.uk/sport/football/article.html?in_article_id=45174&in_page_id=43

Johnson to Pull a Costanza
Sen. Tim Johnson's Washington office is being made wheelchair-accessible in preparation for his return from rehabilitation for a brain hemorrhage. When he does return, Johnson is expected to use an electric scooter to get around. Capitol workers are widening aisles and doorways in his office, as well as the area around his desk, and Johnson's personal bathroom will be refurbished to make it easier for the senator to use.
http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,265543,00.html

There are No Big Comatoses and Little Comatoses. There are no Degrees of Comatose
An Israeli TV station reported late Thursday that there has been a slight improvement in former Prime Minister Ariel Sharon's condition. Sharon turned 79 last month, the second birthday he has passed while unconscious. Doctors have said for months that Sharon is not expected to recover.
http://www.iht.com/articles/ap/2007/04/12/africa/ME-GEN-Israel-Sharon.php

Losers Whine About their Best; Winners Go Home and Don't have Throat Cancer
Sean Connery has completed annual medical tests for potential throat cancer, and the Sunday Mail reports the beloved actor is "feeling fine." The Sunday Mail reports that Connery's brother in Scotland "also suffers from the condition and their father died from throat cancer at the age of 69."
http://people.monstersandcritics.com/news/article_1291746.php/Sean_Connery_checked_out_for_throat_cancer

There's no Headline; We Just Really Like His Daughter's Name
John Wooden was unable to leave the hospital Thursday because of a slightly elevated heart rate, his daughter Nan Muehlhausen said. Wooden was hospitalized Sunday after a bad reaction to a combination of medications.
http://www.dailynews.com/sports/ci_5656502

And now... it's Adam Carolla, playing the role of "Death"

Vonnegut Gone a Bit; He was a Funny Guest on the Daily Show
Kurt Vonnegut, whose absurdist visions and cynical outlook infused such books as "Slaughterhouse-Five" and "Cat's Cradle," has died. He was 84. Vonnegut had been hospitalized for several weeks after suffering brain injuries following a fall at his East Side Manhattan home.
http://www.cnn.com/2007/SHOWBIZ/books/04/12/obit.vonnegut/index.html

Bad Week for Hos, Nappy Haired or Otherwise
Legendary crooner Don Ho, who entertained tourists for decades wearing raspberry-tinted sunglasses and singing the catchy signature tune "Tiny Bubbles," has died. He was 76.
http://www.forbes.com/feeds/ap/2007/04/14/ap3613007.html

He Brought us Danny Devito and Tony Danza; He Sort of Had it Coming
Stan Daniels, an Emmy-winning TV writer and producer who worked on two of the most acclaimed comedies of the 1970s, "The Mary Tyler Moore Show" and "Taxi," has died. He was 72.
http://www.cnn.com/2007/SHOWBIZ/TV/04/11/obit.daniels.ap/index.html

He Let His Fingers Do More Than the Walking
Ed Charon, 71, a Christian pastor who attracted a degree of celebrity for his record-setting ability to rip apart dozens of 1,000-page telephone books within minutes, died April 8 at a hospital near his home in Sutherlin, Ore. He had an apparent heart attack. Rev. Charon achieved his fifth Guinness World Record last year when he halved 56 Portland, Ore., phone directories in three minutes. He trained fiercely, tearing at his peak more than 100 phone books a day to stay in shape.
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2007/04/10/AR2007041001689.html

This year better have the best May Flowers of all time...

The Commissioner's Council

TWID - Paschal Holiday Edition

This Week in Death brings you: Notes from around the pool! We already stuck our toe in and the water is perfect... So come on in as we take you from the shallow to the deep end, and catch you up on all the news you need to know to be an educated death pool competitor.

Rest in Peace Eddie Robinson. Lord, he was born a Grambling man... He may be dead, but these people are alive. Ladies and Gentleman, may we introduce: Health!

Ford Goes in For a Tune-up
Former first lady Betty Ford was recovering from unspecified surgery in a hospital Thursday, the office of the late President Gerald Ford said. The surgery occurred earlier in the week and she was "recovering well" at Eisenhower Medical Center, the statement said.
http://www.cnn.com/2007/POLITICS/04/05/betty.ford.ap/index.html

He Went to Sew His Royal Oats and Work at McDowells
Cambodian King Father Norodom Sihanouk returned home from China Sunday after spending nearly seven months overseas receiving routine medical treatment. Chinese doctors had advised him that he had beaten a second bout of colon cancer, but the ageing royal still suffers from a range of health problems including diabetes and high blood pressure.
http://news.monstersandcritics.com/asiapacific/news/article_1288588.php/Cambodian_King_Father_Sihanouk_returns_from_China

"Some of you may go before I do." He Actually Said That

Mormon church President Gordon Hinckley says he's in good health, despite what he calls "rumors to the contrary." The 96-year-old Hinckley told thousands attending the church's biannual conference in Salt Lake City that "Some of you may go before I do."
http://www.ktvb.com/news/localnews/stories/ktvbn-apr0207-gordon_hinckley.25eddbaf.html

Not Sick; Just Wanted a Shave, a Shower, and a Nice Suit
Sean Connery has shrugged off health-scare rumours to throw his weight behind Tartan Week. It had been wrongly claimed the veteran Bond star was ill when he didn't turn up at a Dressed to Kilt bash where he was supposed to be the guest of honour
http://www.dailyrecord.co.uk/news/tm_headline=health-scare---what-health-scare---&method=full&objectid=18860776&siteid=66633-name_page.html

And, Like That, Poof, He's Gone
Former World Cup winner Diego Maradona is due to leave hospital next week after 10 days of treatment for excessive alcohol consumption, a medical source said. "If all goes well he will be out next week," said Hector Pezzella, the director of the hospital where Maradona is staying.

http://www.wldcup.com/news/2007/04/20070408_41854_soccer_news.html

You know him as "Boney Finger." Please give a warm welcome to... Death!

Baker Passes; Butcher and Candlestick Maker Reportedly Inconsolable
Laurie Baker, a British architect whose chance meeting with Mahatma Gandhi in the 1940s started him on a lifelong career of designing low-cost and environmentally respectful houses in India, died on April 1 at the Hamlet, a home he designed himself, in Thiruvananthapuram, the capital of the state of Kerala. He was 90.
http://www.nytimes.com/2007/04/08/arts/08baker.html?ex=1333684800&en=8df21d234592ec5a&ei=5088&partner=rssnyt&emc=rss

Stingley Stung. First by Tatum, Then by Death
Darryl Stingley spent more than half his life in a wheelchair, a symbol of the violence of the NFL, where large bodies collide at high speeds on every play. He was only 26 when he clashed head-on with the Raiders' Jack Tatum during an exhibition at the Oakland Coliseum as they leaped for a pass. On Thursday, the after-effects of Stingley's grievous injury finally took his life at age 55.

http://sports.espn.go.com/nfl/news/story?id=2826562

St. John Dies in Storm of Brain Activity
Former Kiss guitarist Mark St. John died yesterday morning (April 5) from an apparent brain hemorrhage. He was 51.
http://www.billboard.com/bbcom/news/article_display.jsp?vnu_content_id=1003568453

Luigi Survives Battle with King Koopa but Dies of Old Age
Film-maker Luigi Comencini, one of the fathers of the popular comedy genre that marked the golden age of Italian postwar cinema, died on Friday aged 90, officials said.
http://www.signonsandiego.com/news/features/20070406-0557-italy-comencini-.html

TWID walked through the Sea of Reeds and got some water in our nose. We're okay, thanks for asking.

The Commissioner's Council

TWID - April Fool's Edition

Death Pool 2007 has concluded it's first annual March of the Living. And what a trip it has been. That's right, one month; zero deaths. For those scoring at home - it's March 1, Death 0. On to the highlights...

This Week in Death brings you: Notes from around the pool! We already stuck our toe in and the water is perfect... So come on in as we take you from the shallow to the deep end, and catch you up on all the news you need to know to be an educated death pool competitor.

Now, a little Health for you...

I Hope He is Also Being Merry, for Tomorrow He May Die
Argentine soccer hero Diego Maradona is being treated in a hospital in Buenos Aires for alcoholism and excessive eating and smoking.
http://www.suntimes.com/sports/320104,CST-SPT-swire30.article

Shwe Doesn't Sway; Stands Strong and Healthy
Although he has been suffering from an undisclosed form of ill health, Than Shwe stood steady and straight for almost an hour in the glaring morning sun as he spoke to about 500 invited dignitaries, diplomats and journalists.
http://www.chinapost.com.tw/latestnews/2007327/45112.htm

Brooke Astor Turns 105; Sleeps in Room Filled with Cotton Balls
"It is an amazing event," Mr. Kissinger said of Mrs. Astor's birthday. Over all, he said, "the major objective right now is to make sure that she is as comfortable as possible."
http://www.nytimes.com/2007/03/30/nyregion/30astor.html?_r=1&ref=nyregion&oref=slogin

In the spirit of the Ten Plagues, some Death...

He Was an Expert in Baseball and Carneal Knowledge
Hall of Fame broadcaster Herb Carneal, whose fluid and smooth baritone narrated Minnesota Twins games for the past 45 seasons, died Sunday morning of congestive heart failure.
http://sports.espn.go.com/mlb/news/story?id=2821291

Coleman Takes on New Persona as "Jewish Dead Guy"
Abe Coleman, 101, a Polish-born professional wrestler promoted as the "Hebrew Hercules" and "Jewish Tarzan" and credited in the 1930s with popularizing the drop-kick move, likened to a flying kick in the jaw, died March 28.
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2007/03/29/AR2007032902249.html

And the Heels Lost in the Tournament; Terrible Week for Ray.
Jason Ray, a North Carolina student who performed as a mascot for the school's basketball team, died three days after being struck by a car hours before an NCAA Tournament game. He was 21.
http://sports.espn.go.com/ncb/ncaatourney07/news/story?id=2813005

A Happy Passover to All. And in "kol dichfin yeysay v'yachol" style, All who are healthy, let them come and die.

We Remain,
The Commissioner's Council

TWID - Manic Monday Edition

Please note that This Week in Death will now be sent out on Monday. We apologize for the inconvenience and for depriving you of weekend reading material.

This Week in Death brings you: Notes from around the pool! We already stuck our toe in and the water is perfect... So come on in as we take you from the shallow to the deep end, and catch you up on all the news you need to know to be an educated death pool competitor.

No points received for three straight weeks. Did you guys stop trying? We here at TWID didn't... And now: Health.

Chavez Nurses Castro Back to Health; Lifetime Movie to Follow

Cuban leader Fidel Castro spent several days on the point of death, but is now out of his sickbed, his close friend and protege Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez said on Saturday.

http://www.news24.com/News24/World/News/0,9294,2-10-1462_2088655,00.html

Lionel Is No Sugar Daddy

The reason behind actress Nicole Richie's constant health problems on the sets of 'Simple Life' is hypoglycemia or low blood sugar. The actress, who had to be hospitalized for dehydration when she suddenly fell ill on the sets of the reality series, was recently diagnosed with hypoglycemia, a syndrome produced by a lower than normal amount of sugar in the blood.

http://story.malaysiasun.com/index.php/ct/9/cid/f825b92e19df636a/id/236153/cs/1/

Full Nelson Holding On

A spokeswoman of Nelson Mandela on Tuesday denied rumors that the former South African president and Nobel Peace Prize laureate was ill, or even dead.

http://english.people.com.cn/200703/21/eng20070321_359533.html

Diego Indulges In Too Many Mara-donuts

Diego Maradona is smoking too many cigars, putting on weight and is planning a trip to Switzerland to get himself back into shape, his doctor said. The former Argentina captain, who lost around 30 kilos after a stomach-stapling operation in 2005, has visibly put weight back on in the last few months.

http://www.eurosport.com/football/int-news/2006-2007/sport_sto1127976.shtml

"Great Balls of Fire" Keep Rolling

Jerry Lee Lewis is 71 going on 103. "I'm having a good time," he drawls in a garbled voice. "I'm livin' and I'm breathin.'"

http://www.dallasnews.com/sharedcontent/dws/ent/stories/DN-jerrylee_0325glGLWKND.264ae56.html

Without further ado, Death

A Christmas Carol with a Tragic Ending

Carol Richards, who teamed with Bing Crosby on the Christmas classic "Silver Bells," died of heart disease in a Vero Beach, Fla., hospital. She was 84.

http://www.upi.com/NewsTrack/Entertainment/Silver_Bells_singer_Carol_Richards_dies/20070323-111345-4307r/

Basically Every Jewish Grandfather, Minus the Success

The balding, bespectacled nebbish who gained cult status as the oddball Larry "Bud" Melman on David Letterman's late-night television shows has died after a long illness.

http://www.cnn.com/2007/SHOWBIZ/TV/03/21/obit.melman.ap/index.html

An Extra-Sad Ramadan This Year

Taha Yassin Ramadan, the former vice president under Saddam Hussein, was hanged just before dawn Tuesday, according to a source close to Iraq's High Tribunal.

http://www.cnn.com/2007/WORLD/meast/03/19/iraq.main/index.html

God Is, in Fact, a Cowboys Fan, and He Wanted Some Company

Wilford "Crazy Ray" Jones, the boisterous Dallas Cowboys fan who energized crowds for decades with his cowboy getup and sideline cheerleading, died Saturday. He was 76.

http://sports.espn.go.com/nfl/news/story?id=2802745

TWID is brought to you this week by Mr. Wash. Passover discounts apply.

The Commissioner's Council

TWID - Ides of March Edition

This Week in Death brings you: Notes from around the pool! We already stuck our toe in and the water is perfect... So come on in as we take you from the shallow to the deep end, and catch you up on all the news you need to know to be an educated death pool competitor.

No points received for two straight weeks. Did you guys stop trying? We here at TWID didn't... And now: Health.

Bush Can't Take the Heat; Should Exit Kitchen
Former President George H. W. Bush was taken to a local hospital Sunday after becoming dehydrated. Bush, 82, was playing golf in the 95-degree heat.
http://www.thedesertsun.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20070312/UPDATE02/70312010

At Least She won't be Distracted by that Bird Over There
According to a source speaking to In Touch, Nicole Richie is in fact now addicted to the prescription drug Adderall, which is used to treat ADD and is a powerful appetite suppressant. "She loves Adderall because she stays awake, and it makes her not want to eat," said the source.
http://www.entertainmentwise.com/news?id=29288

No One Can Resist His Shwe-tty Heart
One western diplomat in Rangoon said that Than Shwe, now in his late 70s, may be in need of a heart operation. This follows speculation from Burmese dissident sources that he might be suffering from cancer.
http://www.irrawaddy.org/aviewer.asp?a=6796&z=166

Two Hundred Percent Health Ratu-fied
The President, Ratu Josefa Iloilo, is in good health, contrary to concerns that at 86 years of age, it was time for him to return home, said his secretary. "I should know because I work with him everyday. If he was seriously ill, I may have had to consider a report to the Prime Minister's Office, but I haven't because his excellency is 200 per cent better than you and I put together."
http://www.fijitimes.com/story.aspx?id=58603

Without further ado, Death

Kuhn Signs Long Term Deal with the Angels
Bowie Kuhn, the bespectacled lawyer who oversaw baseball's transformation from sport to a business of free agents with multimillion-dollar contracts, died Thursday. He was 80.
http://sports.espn.go.com/mlb/news/story?id=2799887

Missing that Certain Jeni Se Qua
Richard Jeni, the critically acclaimed, Brooklyn-born comedian and actor whose career began with a nervous five-minute act in a Sheepshead Bay club, died at Cedars-Sinai Medical Center in California on March 10. He was 49 years old. The cause of death was an apparent self-inflicted gunshot wound to the face.
http://www.canarsiedigest.com/site/tab3.cfm?newsid=18084055&BRD=2384&PAG=461&dept_id=552849&rfi=6

Slightly More than a Feeling
Brad Delp, the lead singer of the 1970s and '80s rock band Boston was found dead at his home in southern New Hampshire on Friday, local police said. Delp, 55, apparently was home alone and there was no indication of foul play, Atkinson, New Hampshire, police said.
http://www.cnn.com/2007/SHOWBIZ/Music/03/09/delp.dead.reut/index.html

Cancer Sacked Ladd with a Folding Chair when the Referee Wasn't Looking
Ernie Ladd, the giant defensive lineman with the Kansas City Chiefs, Houston Oilers and San Diego Chargers, who was one of the biggest names in pro wrestling during the 70s, passed away from cancer. He was 68. Ladd had been battling colon cancer for the past three plus years.
http://www.bucyrustelegraphforum.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20070311/NEWS01/70311004/1002

People Don't Kill People, Annie get Your Guns Kills People
Betty Hutton, who played the brassy blond in about two dozen movies, including the musical "Annie Get Your Gun," has died, the executor of her estate said Tuesday. She was 86.
http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/n/a/2007/03/12/entertainment/e191738D59.DTL

TWID Feels the need to ask, "Et tu Brute?" We don't even know why we feel that need. We just do.

The Commissioner's Council

TWID - Spring Training Edition

The water is perfect... So come on in as we take you from the shallow to the deep end, and catch you up on all the news you need to know to be an educated death pool competitor.

There were zero points accumulated this week, but at least we have our health (notices)....

Tumor Plotting to Blow up Abdel-Rahman Landmarks

Sheik Omar Abdel-Rahman, the Egyptian cleric serving a life sentence for plotting to blow up New York City landmarks, is "nearing death." Abdel-Rahman, 68, is suffering from the effects of a tumor on his liver and his kidneys are in danger of failing, said Montasser al-Zayyat, a prominent attorney for Egyptian militants.
http://www.newsday.com/news/nationworld/world/ny-wosheik055118852mar05,0,4715276.story?coll=ny-worldnews-print

Richie Receives Fluids in Nic of Time

Nicole Richie reported feeling ill on the set of her reality series on Friday, and was quickly rushed to a nearby hospital where she was treated for dehydration.

First Boxer to Break Hip or Complain of Drafty Ring Loses

All of that Florida sun must be getting to Maine snowbird Roland Fortin. The 91-year-old has laid down a challenge to box fitness guru Jack LaLanne, who's 92.

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20070307/ap_on_fe_st/senior_boxing

Popper on the Hook; What a Way to Run Around

Blues Traveler singer and harmonica player John Popper was arrested after the vehicle he was riding in was clocked going 111 mph. Inside the black Mercedes SUV, officers found a cache of weapons and a small amount of marijuana, the Patrol said. A police dog searched the vehicle, finding numerous hidden compartments containing four rifles, nine handguns and a switchblade knife. Authorities also found a Taser and night vision goggles.

http://keyetv.com/entertainment/entertainment_story_067024506.html

So Much Quality Death to Report this Week...

Cap'n Couldn't make it Happen; Crunch and Hook Fear for Lives

He fought and triumphed over Hitler, Tojo, international Communism and a host of supervillains, but he could not dodge a sniper's bullet. Comic book hero Captain America is dead.

http://www.cnn.com/2007/SHOWBIZ/books/03/07/captain.america/index.html

Eagleton Soars off Endangered Species List, Plummets to Death

Missouri's political leaders in both parties summed up the legacy of Sen. Thomas F. Eagleton with the same word: statesman. Sen. Eagleton, a Democrat, died Sunday at St. Mary's Medical Center of "a combination of heart, respiratory and other problems that overwhelmed his weakened system," his family said.

http://www.stltoday.com/stltoday/news/stories.nsf/missouristatenews/story/AD9D8F788E573862862572940064A176?OpenDocument

She Made Sure to First use the Little Death Before the Big Death

Proper manners authority Marjabelle Young Stewart, the author of more than 20 books and ruler of the "White Gloves" and "Blue Blazers" children's etiquette empires, has died. She was 82.

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2007/03/04/AR2007030400325.html

Ooh, That Death so Scandalous and You Know Another Food-services Provider Can't Handle It

Food-services provider Sysco Inc. on Wednesday said founder John F. Baugh died on Monday. He was 91. His death comes 37 years after the company's initial public offering on March 3, 1970.

http://www.forbes.com/feeds/ap/2007/03/07/ap3494410.html

Rosengarden Beloved Amongst Friends for Coin Collecting, Magazine Archiving, and Sports Following

Bobby Rosengarden, the versatile jazz drummer and talk show bandleader who played bongos for Harry Belafonte and laid down a beat for Jimi Hendrix during a "Dick Cavett Show" performance, has died, his family confirmed Monday. He was 82.

http://www.bradenton.com/mld/bradenton/news/local/16840986.htm

Voulez Vukovich avec moi ce soir; Philadelphians Boo His Death

John Vukovich, the longest-serving coach in Philadelphia Phillies history and a member of their only World Series championship team in 1980, died Thursday. He was 59.

http://sports.espn.go.com/mlb/news/story?id=2791751

Wide World of Sports; Narrow World of Death

Andy Sidaris, the television sports pioneer who finished his career surrounded by scantily clad B-movie beauties, has died. He was 76. Known for his ebullient personality and creative approach to televised sports, Sidaris directed the first "Wide World of Sports" for ABC, a job he continued for the next 25 years.

http://sports.espn.go.com/sports/news/story?id=2792424&campaign=rss&source=ESPNHeadlines

Chinnock Dying in the Dark; Set to Perform for The Boss

Bill Chinnock, an instrumentalist, singer and songwriter who was a founding member of what later became. Bruce Springsteen's E Street Band, died Wednesday at his home. He was 59.

http://www.nytimes.com/2007/03/09/arts/music/09chinnock.html?_r=2&oref=slogin&oref=slogin

Death Happens. We Score It.

The Commissioner's Council