Ahoy! This Week in Death brin's you our latest nuggets o' treaaye. Below be all t' notes and news t' cover a half a fortnight's worth o' livin' and dyin'. There be more health than a hornpipe, and more death than land lubbers on ye high seas. How be Billy Graham this week? What's t' latest in Fidel Castro rumors? Which Music or TV bilge rat went t' Davy Jones' locker? Arr, One way t' find out, matey. Continue... If you dare...
Struck down by Yahweh took all t' booty this week from t' spoils o' James Oliver Rigney Jr , who we made walk t' plank. T' world may have known you as Swashbuckler Robert Jordan, but on t' high seas, you were always Little Jimmy Rigney. You had a beard t' make a pirate say "Arr.... " (aye, we recognize t' irony that everythin' makes us say arr)
Sick? Maybe. Scurvy? Aye. But they haven't kicked t' bucket. Well, blow me down. These people be alive
Hard to be at Death's Door When You're Too Sick to Leave Your Own House
Two senior Cuban officials said on Wednesday that Cuban leader Fidel Castro, absent from public view for more than a year, is recovering from an intestinal problem that required several operations. Cuban Culture Minister Abel Prieto said Castro was not at death's door and dismissed rumours in Miami of his demise as "wishful thinking" by exiled opponents. Prieto said he had no inside information on Castro's medical condition, but deduced from the 81-year-old leader's regular essays and columns that he is not dying.
[Reuters]
Run Run Finding it Difficult to Walk Walk, Focus Focus
Sir Run Run Shaw, accompanied by Hong Kong Chief Secretary Henry Tang, Thursday night showed up on TVB Jade, to present the annual Shaw Prize to four distinguished scientists. Walking with difficulty, Shaw seemed to be coping with deteriorating vision as well. When he presented the mathematical science award to Professor Robert Langlands of the Institute for Advanced Study in Princeton, New Jersey, he needed Tang to point him in the direction of the cameras.
[Forbes]
If They Don't Release Him Soon, He May have to Deal with O. J. as a Cellmate
Great Train Robber Ronnie Biggs's lawyer is asking for him to be freed early, it emerged yesterday. Biggs, 77, is terminally ill after a series of strokes. "As things stand, he is due for release in two years and we are asking for this date to be brought forward. He is a very old man who is dying. "He is partially paralysed, can barely walk, and has almost lost the power of speech. On compassionate grounds, he should be released to be with his family."
[Daily Record]
I Can't Believe Willie Would Disappoint All the Little Orpheums
Willie Nelson has canceled his Sept. 25 concert at the Orpheum Theatre, citing exhaustion. "We are incredibly sorry that we have to cancel this show, especially since we already postponed it once, but we wish Willie the best of health and will work hard to bring him back in the near future," said Dave Bernstein, the show's promoter. "This is highly unusual, and we sincerely appreciate the patience of all those folks that purchased tickets, as we know they are as disappointed as we are," Bernstein said.
[Sioux City Journal]
"She's Got Legs, Knows How to Use Them...Once That You Got Them, You Can Never Lose them"
Zsa Zsa Gabor, who is partially paralyzed from a 2002 car accident, was set to have surgery Tuesday for a severe infection in her legs. Gabor has been forced to use a wheelchair and walker since the auto accident, leading to infections in her legs. "She's been inactive for the last four years," John Blanchette, publicist for the 90-year-old actress said. The operation was scheduled at Cedars-Sinai Medical Center, said Blanchette.
[Yahoo!]
Yarrrgh mateys, ye've been boarded by death! We hope your voyage ends in t ' place o' pirates dreams... parrrrrradise!
Rowdy Roddy Roddick Was Piped Up for Causes
Anita Roddick, the crusading entrepreneur who used the Body Shop chain of cosmetics stores she founded to promote causes, died on Monday. She was 64. Ms. Roddick was one of Britain's most visible business executives. Working on behalf of numerous causes — the rain forest, debt relief for developing countries, indigenous farmers in impoverished nations, whales, voting rights, anti-sexism and anti-ageism, to name a few — Ms. Roddick believed that businesses could be run ethically, with what she called "moral leadership," and still turn a profit.
[New York Times]
OK, Brett, Your Turn: On September 15th, You Will _________
Actress and comedian Brett Somers, who amused game show fans with her quips on the "Match Game" in the 1970s, has died, her son said. She was 83. Somers died Saturday at her home in Westport of stomach and colon cancer, Adam Klugman said Monday. Hosted by Gene Rayburn, "Match Game" was the top game show during much of the 1970s. Contestants would try to match answers to nonsense questions with a panel of celebrities; much of the humor came from the racy quips and putdowns.
[CNN]
A Cold Front Descends on Joe Z. Pussycats Mourn
Joe Zawinul, the jazz keyboardist who soared to fame as one of the creators of jazz-rock fusion with the band Weather Report, has died, a hospital official said. He was 75. In 1970, Zawinul and saxophonist Wayne Shorter founded Weather Report and produced a series of albums including "Heavy Weather," "Black Market," "I Sing the Body Electric," and the Grammy-winning live recording "8:30." Zawinul died early Tuesday, a spokeswoman for Vienna's Wilhelmina Clinic said. He had been hospitalized since last month and suffered from a rare form of skin cancer, said Risa Zincke, his manager.
[Yahoo!]
Stepien: Cut a Hole in the Box. Alternatively, Trade Lots of Draft Picks and Fire Coaches
Former Cleveland Cavaliers owner Ted Stepien, whose propensity for trading away draft picks resulted in an NBA rule change, died Monday at his home in Willoughby Hills, Ohio. He was 82. He went through six coaches during that span, including four during the 1981-82 season - Don Delaney, Bob Kloppenburg, Chuck Daly and Bill Musselman. The team finished 15-67. Because of his habit of trading draft picks for mediocre players, the league passed the "Stepien Rule," which restricts teams from dealing future first-round selections in consecutive years. "I don't feel I failed," Stepien later said. "I rescued a bankrupt organization."
[Canadian Press]
Surprisingly, He Didn't Mention Being Proud of Narrating "Captain EO"
Percy Rodrigues, who played a neurosurgeon in the 1960s series "Peyton Place" at a time when blacks were just beginning to win roles as authority figures on television, has died. He was 89. Mr. Rodrigues died of kidney failure on Sept. 6 at his home in Indio, said his wife, Karen Cook-Rodrigues. The distinguished-looking actor with a booming voice played doctors, politicians and other authorities in dozens of movie and television appearances. Mr. Rodrigues, who also acted on Broadway, "respectfully fought for these more dignified roles," his wife told the Los Angeles Times. "He was most proud of that."
[Mercury News]
For yer birthday? A pirate's whistle o' a tune for ye' (sung to t' tune o' "Blow the Man Down"):
Ye know it be yer fault we're singin' this way,
Yo! Ho! It be yer fault!
1st mate: For had we not known it be Pirate Talk Day
All: We'd be a singin' Happy Birthday!
And so we be gather'd, yer chums and ye kin
All: "Thank ye, Mates fer lettin' us in."
1st mate: to celebrate with ye for a-nother year
All: Lift up yer mugs and give 'em a cheer!
The candles be meltin' all over the cake
All: Give 'em some time to blow them all out!
1st mate: Ye better start puffin' befur it's too late!
All: Now be th' time to blow them all out! Now be the time to blow them all out.
Happy Birthday to:
September 16: Lauren Bacall (83)
September 16: Peter Falk (80)
September 16: Phyllis A. Whitney (82)
September 18: Robert Blake (74)
... And Many More!!!!!!!!
Robert Jordan did many thin's in his life, but in death he does one more: boots Die Hard from t' Top 5, puttin' Struck Down by Yahweh thar instead. Hold down t' wind sails, Die Hard, we're almost in t' home stretch...
1. El Esta Adead - 76 points (6 deaths)
2. The Ex-Parrots - 62.3 points (6 deaths)
3. Kraut's Picks - 60.9 points (8 deaths)
4. Yiz-score - 54.3 points (4 deaths)
5. Struck Down by Yahweh - 53.6 points (6 deaths)
We're shovin' off buckos,
T' Commissioner's Council
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