Monday, August 20, 2007

TWID - Lemonade Day Edition

This Week in Death brings you: A welcome relief from the summer heat! Hop a fence with us and join in on the fun. Get your beach balls inflated and your swim trunks on. Jump in so we can catch you up on the veritable ocean of news you need to know to be an educated death pool competitor. Don't forget to bring a towel! There's still plenty of room for everyone, especially for the next few days. Last one in is a rotting corpse!

We bid farewell to three New York icons this week: Phil Rirruto (those are z's), who sanctified many cows in his career, though probably not among them was Leona Helmsley, a notoriously bitter miser, especially when compared to Brooke Astor, who by all accounts was a gregarious, generous GILF.

A toast: Here's to your Health Updates...


Manager and Wife Clash: Should He Stay or Should He Go?
Luciano Pavarotti has been given the go-ahead by doctors to leave the hospital where he was admitted last week with a fever, but he plans to remain for a few more days just to be sure, his wife said Tuesday. Manager Terri Robson had said in an e-mail to The Associated Press that Pavarotti, 71, would be leaving the hospital in Modena "imminently" after doctors had "happily given him the go-ahead to leave hospital and resume his summer holiday." Later in the day, however, the opera superstar's wife, Nicoletta Mantovani, told reporters outside the clinic that he had chosen to remain for a few more days because he feels more tranquil there than at home, the ANSA news agency reported.
http://www.forbes.com/feeds/ap/2007/08/14/ap4019801.html

Graham Growing Closer to God Every Day
Hospital officials say evangelist Billy Graham had an "excellent night" and is in fair condition today as he recovers from an intestinal bleed. The 88-year-old evangelist is being treated at Mission Health & Hospitals in Asheville, North Carolina. No date has been set for Graham's release, but family members say they hope his hospital stay will be brief. On his web site, Graham writes, "God doesn't want our relationship with Him to be like this, and He has provided us with everything we need to grow closer to Him every day."
http://www.abcnews.go.com/US/story?id=3500491&page=1

Johnson's Brain Back at Full Throttle, Anxious to Filbuster

South Dakota Sen. Tim Johnson will face his constituents for the first time since suffering a brain hemorrhage last December, making a long-awaited public appearance in his home state later this month. Johnson, a Democrat, will appear in Sioux Falls on Aug. 28, his office announced Thursday. He is expected to return to the Senate in September.
http://www.siouxcityjournal.com/articles/2007/08/17/news/south_dakota/88e7512da63424468625733a000cfb5e.txt

Why Is This Man Happy? Because He's 368 in Dog Years
For a minute I'm trying to remember whether I've come to see Jack LaLanne or Robin Williams. But I learn a lot from LaLanne - quick. First, he's 92, not 180. And this guy could bench-press me. With one hand. Turns out I'm the proverbial 98-pound weakling, facing down the 92-year-old he-man. "The Jack LaLanne Show" aired for 34 years. What kept them tuning in? LaLanne says he tried to get fans to think positively by peppering his fitness instruction with cheery aphorisms ("Train for life like an athletic event!"). He also made fitness fun—even bringing pets on the show. Clad in his trademark jumpsuit, LaLanne did crunches, then his dog, Happy, did tricks. "It kept the ratings up," he recalls.
http://www.mercurynews.com/opinion/ci_6646737?nclick_check=1

Sometimes, though, you're just toast. Death...


Grand
Papa Roach Squished by the Foot of God
Max Roach, the master percussionist whose rhythmic innovations and improvisations defined bebop jazz during a wide-ranging career where he collaborated with artists from Duke Ellington to rapper Fab Five Freddy, has died after a long illness. He was 83. The self-taught musical prodigy died Wednesday night at an undisclosed hospital in Manhattan, said Cem Kurosman, spokesman for Blue Note Records, one of Roach's labels. What distinguished Roach from other drummers were his fast hands and ability to simultaneously maintain several rhythms. By layering different beats and varying the meter, Roach pushed jazz beyond the boundaries of standard 4/4 time. His dislocated beats helped define bebop.
http://www.cnn.com/2007/SHOWBIZ/Music/08/16/obit.roach.ap/index.html

Leave it to Deaver. Um...Deaver Left
Michael K. Deaver, who arranged some of Ronald Reagan's most memorable photographic backdrops for public consumption and privately gave the president blunt, sometimes contrarian advice, died yesterday at his home in Bethesda, Md. He was 69. The cause was pancreatic cancer, his family said. Mr. Deaver was widely known for creating photo ops that showed Reagan atop the Great Wall of China, at the cliffs of Normandy and filling sandbags to show concern after a Louisiana flood. And he played a central role in planning Reagan's funeral in 2004; the last visual was burial as the sun set over the Pacific Ocean.
http://www.nytimes.com/2007/08/19/washington/19deaver.html

Behind Every Good Woman's Death Is a Goodman
Carolyn Goodman, 91, the mother of one of three civil rights workers killed by the Ku Klux Klan in the renowned "Mississippi Burning" case, died Aug. 17, it was reported from New York. No cause of death was reported. Mrs. Goodman's son Andrew was killed June 21, 1964, in central Mississippi's Neshoba County, along with fellow civil rights workers Michael Schwerner and James Chaney. Carolyn Goodman was a psychologist who founded a program to help mothers leaving mental hospitals learn parenting skills. She set up the Andrew Goodman Foundation in 1966 to carry on her son's legacy.
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2007/08/17/AR2007081702213.html

Phake Peter Pan who Phone Pranked a Peck of Peculiar Phreaks has Passed

A blind genius known as the "Peter Pan of phone hackers" because he insisted on being five years old forever has died in Minneapolis at the age of 58. Joe Engressia, who legally changed his name to Joybubbles in 1991, played a pivotal role in the 1970s subculture of "phone phreaks" after discovering at a young age that he could make free phone calls by whistling tones, The New York Times reported Monday. The precursors of today's computer hackers, the reign of phone phreaks ended when digitalization replaced the tone-based system.
http://www.upi.com/NewsTrack/Top_News/2007/08/20/genius_phone_hacker_dead_at_58/4813/

This Week Was Somebody's Birthday! Whose Birthday? Some Death Pool Entrants' Birthdays. How Old Are They? 1,2,3... And Never been Kissed By... Death

Happy Birthday to:
August 14: Earl Weaver (77)
August 17: W. Mark Felt (94)
August 19: Bill Clinton (61)
... And Many More!!!!!!!!

Back by popular demand, the Commissioner's Council proudly brings you "Skinny Dipping," a weekly glance at some of the goings-on in the Pool. Columns will feature a more in-depth look at some of the squads and picks. To comment on this feature, or suggest an idea for "Skinny Dipping," feel free to send an email our way.

The last two weeks, Skinny Dipping has looked at age extremes and age breakdown by 10-year intervals. In this thrilling final installation of looking closer at dates of birth, we present a quick glance at a breakdown by the month of birth. Legend has it (or, possibly reported in many news outlets) that there are more births during summer than any other season. Well what about DP's 272 picks with known birth dates? (9 have known birth years but not dates, 2 have neither) Here's the breakdown --- January: 27; February: 24; March: 30; April: 19, May: 18; June: 18; July: 30; August: 21; September: 22; October: 29; November: 15; December: 19. That's 70 in the winter months, 67 in the spring, 69 in the summer, and 66 in the fall. So while the commonfolk may breed more in the heat of summer, it is clear that celebrities are more evenly proportioned. Oh, and since you were wondering: the most popular date of birth among the pool picks is July 4th, celebrated by an astonishing six people. Al Davis, the recently departed Leona Helmsley, Pauline Phillips, Alfredo Di Stéfano , George Steinbrenner, and Gloria Stuart all share a birthday with our nation. The rest of the pool is obviously less patriotic.

Three points-deaths this week, who's up for a change in the Top 5? We are! Kraut's Picks, a recent addition to the Top 5, has jumped two spots since we last checked in. The 5...

1. El Esta Adead - 76 points (6 deaths)
2. The Ex-Parrots - 58.5 points (5 deaths)
3. Kraut's Picks - 57.1 points (7 deaths)
4. Yiz-score - 54.3 points (4 deaths)
5. Die Hard - 46 points (3 deaths)


Come sail away, as next week our full boat returns...
The Commissioner's Council

Monday, August 13, 2007

TWID - Road Trip Edition

This Week in Death brings you: A welcome relief from the summer heat! Hop a fence with us and join in on the fun. Get your beach balls inflated and your swim trunks on. Jump in so we can catch you up on the veritable ocean of news you need to know to be an educated death pool competitor. Don't forget to bring a towel! There's plenty of room for everyone, especially during the next week and a half. Death Pool has just been handed an urgent news story and it needs all of you to stop what your doing and listen... Cannonball!


We may not have it all, but
at least we have our Health Updates...


Don't Worry, Your Job'll Be Waiting for You When You Get Back. Get better, George! Get betteeeeeeeeer!!!!!
New York Yankees owner George Steinbrenner is in ailing health, according to a lengthy story about him in the upcoming issue of Portfolio magazine.
"He doesn't look all right. In fact, he looks dreadful," reporter Franz Lidz writes in the story, which hits newsstands Aug. 15. "Steinbrenner's face, pale and swollen, has a curiously undefined look." Lidz recounts a visit to Steinbrenner's home with Tom McEwen, a longtime Steinbrenner friend, in which Steinbrenner answers a series of different questions, including inquiries about his wife, Joan, by saying, "Great to see ya, Tommy."
http://www.sportingnews.com/yourturn/viewtopic.php?t=249916

Biggs' iPod Playlist Update: Artist - The Strokes; Album - Is This It? Song: Alone, Together
Ronnie Biggs, one of the masterminds of Britain's Great Train Robbery in 1963, is making a renewed bid to be released from jail on compassionate grounds, his lawyers said on Friday. The 77-year-old, who is partially paralyzed and can barely speak after suffering several strokes, wants to spend his remaining years with his family.
http://iafrica.com/news/worldnews/343114.htm

Richie Fetus Enters Fourth Month of Involuntary Hunger Strike
Pregnant reality TV star Nicole Richie was reportedly rushed to hospital recently, fearing she was suffering a miscarriage. The 25-year-old noticed bleeding and worried she would lose her baby at the end of last month, just after she and rocker boyfriend Joel Madden returned to Los Angeles from a tour with his band Good Charlotte. However, doctors quickly assured the four-months pregnant Richie her baby is safe, but did encourage her to eat more to feed the unborn child. An insider tells American magazine Star, "Nicole was bleeding so much, it was really scary for her. "They found out she's suffering from both a hormonal and nutritional deficiency."
http://www.contactmusic.com/news.nsf/article/richie%20rushed%20to%20hospital_1040102


An Opera in Three Parts... Act I: Dramatic Hospitalization; Act II: Wondrous Recovery; Stay Tuned for Act III
Opera superstar Luciano Pavarotti, diagnosed with cancer last year, is doing better after being admitted to hospital two days ago, his wife said on Friday. Pavarotti, 71, regarded by many as the greatest tenor of his generation, was taken to hospital with a high fever in his home town of Modena on Wednesday. He is being treated in the hospital's cancer ward. "He is doing better, thank you," Pavarotti's wife, Nicoletta Mantovani, who is 34 years his junior, told reporters as she left the cancer ward on Friday morning.
http://www.cnn.com/2007/SHOWBIZ/Music/08/10/pavarotti.hospital.reut/index.html

And if you haven't got your health, what have you got? Death...


I'll Take Dead TV Legends for 800, Please:
R __ S T I N P __ A C __
His birth name was Mervyn, but the world knew him as Merv Griffin. The 82-year-old died Sunday after being hospitalized earlier in the week for a recurrence of prostate cancer. Born in San Mateo, Calif., Griffin created two of the most popular game shows in syndicated history. "Wheel of Fortune" and "Jeopardy!" remain in production more than two decades after they began. He even wrote the theme music for "Jeopardy!" Beginning in the early 1960's, Griffin was a fixture on daytime TV. The 32-time Emmy nominee actually escorted 17 golden gals home for his work on "The Merv Griffin Show," according to the official website for Griffin's company, The Griffin Group.
http://www.abcnews.go.com/Entertainment/story?id=3471627&page=1

Hazlewood Walked Over by Renal Cancer, Given the Boot from Life
Lee Hazlewood, the reclusive songwriter and producer behind a slew of hits by Duane Eddy, Nancy Sinatra, Frank Sinatra, and Dean Martin in the 1950s and 1960s, including Ms. Sinatra's No. 1 smash "These Boots Are Made for Walkin'," died on Saturday in Henderson, Nev. He was 78. The cause was renal cancer, said his publicist, Perry Serpa.
http://www.nytimes.com/2007/08/07/obituaries/07hazlewood.htm

Wine Prolongs Lives; Heart Attacks End Them

Baron Elie Robert de Rothschild, who helped France's renowned Rothschild winemaking and banking dynasty recover from the ravages of World War II, died Monday while vacationing at his Austrian hunting lodge. He was 90. Rothschild had been on a hunting trip at his lodge near the Alpine village of Scharnitz outside Innsbruck when he suffered a fatal heart attack, police in the province of Tyrol said in a statement.
http://www.iht.com/articles/ap/2007/08/06/europe/EU-GEN-Austria-Obit-Rothschild.php

No Word Whether He Died In Order to Promote MGM's Upcoming "Death at a Funeral"

Frank Rosenfelt, who as chairman and CEO of MGM Studios helped green-light such classic movies as Network and Doctor Zhivago, has died. He was 85. Rosenfelt died Thursday at his Los Angeles home, his granddaughter, Stacey Lubliner, told The Associated Press on Tuesday. She did not know the cause of death. Rosenfelt, a lawyer, joined MGM in 1955 after spending five years in the legal department of RKO. He became MGM's general counsel in 1969 and was named studio chief after mogul Kirk Kerkorian bought MGM in 1972.
http://www.usatoday.com/life/people/2007-08-07-rosenfelt-obit_N.htm?csp=34

This Week Was Somebody's Birthday! Whose Birthday? Some Death Pool Entrants' Birthdays. How Old Are They? 1,2,3... And Never been Kissed By... Death
Happy Birthday to:
August 7: Walid Jumblatt (58)
August 8: Ronnie Biggs (78)
August 10: Doyle Brunson (74)
August 10: Tom Laughlin (76)
August 13: Fidel Castro (81)
August 13: Dan Fogelberg (56)
... And Many More!!!!!!!!

Back by popular demand, the Commissioner's Council proudly brings you "Skinny Dipping," a weekly glance at some of the goings-on in the Pool. Columns will feature a more in-depth look at some of the squads and picks. To comment on this feature, or suggest an idea for "Skinny Dipping," feel free to send an email our way.

Last week in this space, entrants' ages, maybe the most popular factor in deciding picks, was given a closer look. Since having an age is something everybody has in common, another look at the data is certainly appropriate. You might even learn a few new words in the process! As noted last week, the oldest pool pick is Ruby Muhammed, currently 110 years young, making her the lone supercentenarian (Age ≥ 110) in the pool. Joining her are 11 centenarians (Age ≥ 100), which means 4% of the pool is living life in triple digits. Of the remaining 269 with known birth years, as of today's date 59 entrants are nonagenarians, 79 are octogenarians, 67 are septugenarians, 28 are sexagenarians, 18 are quinquagenarians, 12 are quadragenarians, 3 are tricenarians, and 3 are vicenarians. As of today, the average age is 78.2; the median age is 81.

Reminding you that Death claimed 42,642 people on the road in 2006, we remain...

Monday, August 6, 2007

TWID - National Underwear Day Edition

This Week in Death brings you: A post midnight run at the swimming pool! Hop a fence with us and join in on the fun. Get your beach balls inflated and your swim trunks on. Jump in so we can catch you up on the veritable ocean of news you need to know to be an educated death pool competitor. Don't forget to bring a towel! Oh, and put on some sunscreen, we don't want you to end up in here. Death Pool has just been handed an urgent news story and it needs all of you to stop what your doing and listen... Cannonball!

We lost two of our own this week: Bill Walsh, who invented the West Coast offense, and Oliver W. Hill, who would have fought for his right to do it.


A Health is a guy who can't get no love, but he's also known as a buster....

Notorious B.I.G.G.S. Better Hope for "Life after Death"
Great Train robber Ronnie Biggs was feared close to death in jail last night. Biggs, 77, is in a specially designed "nursing home" for elderly prisoners at Norwich jail. And the prison chaplain is on standby to administer the last rites. He has skin cancer, heart trouble and MRSA. A family friend said: "Ronnie is ready to go free at last. He has put up a brave fight but his health has deteriorated so badly lately that he can't go on."
http://www.people.co.uk/news/tm_headline=train-heist-biggs-nead-to-death&method=full&objectid=19573281&siteid=93463-name_page.html

Otto Has a Case of the Jim-my Legs. Well, Leg, Really
Hall of Fame center Jim Otto recently had his right leg amputated and is recovering in a hospital in Utah. Otto, 69, has had a litany of health problems. He has had prostate cancer, two major infections that nearly killed him and approximately 40 operations - mostly on his banged-up knees from playing football. "It's been, as you know with him, a tremendous fight," Al Davis said. "He's lived through it now for three years, day in and day out. But it finally came. He fought the amputation. He didn't want it. He fought it. But there was no other thing to do but to amputate."
http://www.usatoday.com/sports/football/2007-08-01-4141235890_x.htm

Think LaLanne's Age Is a Problem? You Don't Know Jack!
Decades before the obesity epidemic, Jack LaLanne took his exercise crusade to the airwaves, showing Americans, who were just becoming enamored of television, how they could stay active while they watched their favorite programs. Moderation remains his mantra. His healthy habits -- and a few good genes -- account for his longevity. What he stumbled upon as a teenager and built as an adult have helped him to age well.
http://www.orlandosentinel.com/features/food/orl-jacklalanne07jul31,0,6022683.story

Hole Singer Halved; She's Love-Sick
Rocker Courtney Love has alarmed fans with her skeletal figure. The once buxom singer wowed people with her figure when she lost 52 pounds earlier this year, thanks to a strict diet of protein shakes and minimal fish and vegetables. However, the singer seems to have taken her diet too far, for she's lost even more weight in the past few weeks, given her a gaunt look.
http://www.medindia.net/news/Loves-Skinny-Frame-Sparks-Health-Concerns-24502-1.htm

Living Till 150? Well, We've Heard You Can't Always Get What You Want
Rolling Stones guitarist Keith Richards is a well known rock 'n ' roll survivor, but his latest statement is pushing it somewhat. Keith told a magazine he wants to live till the age of 150. Keith, who had an operation on his brain last year after falling off a shrub, said that after a few tests the docs were surprised at the condition of his body."The doctors were amazed to see that the heart, liver, kidneys were all perfect," he said.
http://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/Bangalore_Times/Richards_to_roll_till_150_/articleshow/2255766.cms


Ryan Finds that Not Everything Goes in the Throat So Easily

A one-time Catholic priest who pleaded guilty to molesting a 6-year-old boy on Long Island slashed his throat the day before he was to go to jail. Barry Ryan, 59, survived the suicide attempt, said Suffolk County district attorney spokesman Robert Clifford. Ryan pleaded guilty in 2004 to sexual conduct against a child in the second degree for forcing the boy to perform oral sex the year before.
http://www.nypost.com/seven/08022007/news/regionalnews/molest_priest_cuts_his_throat_regionalnews_stefanie_cohen.htm

No, I don't want no death, a death is a guy who can't get no love from me...


Pottasch's Joy of Pepsi Didn't Stop Him from Making the Choice of a New Termination
Alan M. Pottasch, who became known as the "father of the Pepsi Generation" for leading the team that devised exuberant commercials in the 1960s and '70s that linked Pepsi-Cola to the likes of skydivers and skateboarders, died Friday in Los Angeles. He was 79 and lived in New Fairfield, Conn.
http://www.nytimes.com/2007/08/02/business/media/02pottasch.html?_r=1&ref=business&oref=slogin

Death to B5, Death Takes Bishop; At Least He'll Always Have Paris
Cardinal Jean-Marie Lustiger, a Jew who converted to Catholicism and rose through church hierarchy to become one of the most influential Roman Catholic figures in France, died Sunday, the Paris archbishop's office said. He was 80. Lustiger was archbishop of Paris for 24 years before stepping down in 2005 at the age of 78. He died in a medical center in Paris, the archbishop's office said.
http://www.oregonlive.com/newsflash/international/index.ssf?/base/international-24/1186345750165490.xml&storylist=international

Gabler Was a Textbook Case of Affecting the Accepted Norm-a
Norma Gabler, a Texas homemaker who recoiled at material in her children's textbooks and became the public face of a crusade with her husband to rid schoolbooks of content they considered anti-family, anti-American and anti-God, died on July 22 in Phoenix. She was 84. The Gablers had a two-barreled strategy: in addition to pressing issues of ideology, interpretation and philosophy, the Gablers ferreted out errors of fact. But the Gablers' most important battles concerned bigger issues, like making publishers define marriage as a lifelong union between a man and a woman.
http://www.nytimes.com/2007/08/01/education/01gabler.html?_r=1&ref=obituaries&oref=slogin

First Ingmar Bergman, then Michelangelo Antonioni... If We Were Roberto Benigni, We'd Stay Alert
Michelangelo Antonioni, one of Italy's most famous and influential filmmakers, has died at the age of 94, city officials in Rome say. Considered the cinematic father of modern angst and alienation, Antonioni had a career spanning six decades which included the Oscar-nominated "Blow-Up" and the internationally acclaimed "L'Avventura" (The Adventure).
http://www.cnn.com/2007/SHOWBIZ/Movies/07/31/antonioni.obit.reut/index.html

This Week Was Somebody's Birthday! Whose Birthday? Some Death Pool Entrants' Birthdays. How Old Are They? 1,2,3... And Never been Kissed By... Death
Happy Birthday to:
August 1: Sheldon Adelson (74)
August 2: Peter O'Toole (75)
August 2: Shimon Peres (84)
August 4: Barack Obama (46)
August 4: Anita Page (97)
August 4: Helen Thomas (87)
August 5: William H. Smith (102)
August 6: Dom Mintoff (91)

... And Many More!!!!!!!!

Back by popular demand, the Commissioner's Council proudly brings you "Skinny Dipping," a weekly glance at some of the goings-on in the Pool. Columns will feature a more in-depth look at some of the squads and picks. To comment on this feature, or suggest an idea for "Skinny Dipping," feel free to send an email our way.

With this week's TWID introducing the new birthday section, Skinny Dipping felt it would be a good time to analyze a key aspect of the pool: entrants' ages. Of the 281 entrants (out of 283, but you knew that already) with known birth years, 11 entered the 2007 year over the age of 100. The oldest pool member is currently 110: Ruby Muhammed, Mother of the Nation of Islam. The youngest? Former football player Maurice Clarett, currently 23 years young. The average age of the 281 is 77.5 years old. What about the 28 (so far) points deaths? Glad you asked. The oldest death to register points was Charles Lane, who passed away after 102 years and 165 days of life. The youngest has been Marcheline Bertrand, who passed on at the age of 56 years, 263 days. The average age of the 28 coming into 2007 is (or, more accurately, was) 84.2 years old.

We're going to sit on the passenger's side of our best friend's ride
The Commissioner's Council

Monday, July 30, 2007

TWID - National Cheesecake Day Edition

This Week in Death brings you: Our return to general swim! Get your beach balls inflated and your swim trunks on. Jump in so we can catch you up on the veritable ocean of news you need to know to be an educated death pool competitor. Don't forget to bring a towel! Oh, and put on some sunscreen, we don't want you to end up in here. Death Pool has just been handed an urgent news story and it needs all of you to stop what your doing and listen... Cannonball!

I'm a Health nut, and with no deaths this week, it's cashew to start...

Born Survivor Grylled over Whereabouts: Can't Bear Outdoors
Discovery Channel is re-evaluating one of its most popular series, "Man vs. Wild," after allegations surfaced that its survival-expert host was bunking in motels when he was supposed to be braving the great outdoors.The network issued a statement Monday in response to an investigation launched by British television network Channel 4, which carries the program under the title "Born Survivor: Bear Grylls." Channel 4 confirmed that host Bear Grylls had partaken of indoor accommodations on at least two occasions when his series had depicted him spending the night in the wild.
http://www.reuters.com/article/televisionNews/idUSN2439321520070724

ok, so this mite not in actual qualfy to be a real like health update but we thoght u should knpow whats up
Courtney Love is planning more corrective surgery to fix her "wonky" lips.In a bizarre posting on her MySpace page, the former Hole singer revealed she is still unhappy with her looks, despite having surgery to remove her breast implants and alter her cosmetically enhanced lips.Courtney wrote: "my mouth still looks wonky, i think i gott go back to paris tot he dr, hes nit a cosmetic surgeon he just fixes bad surgery and also cleft palates and serious s--- its nbot really vanity hes conservtive, wich we like, and this really isnt znyones business but im hating that id di that to my mouth back in the day and he didnt really take out enough the first time around i just wnt the mouth god gave me back, it was perfectly cute."
http://www.londonnet.co.uk/entertainment/2007/Jul/6596_20070725.php

Maradona Putting the Go, but not the Die, in Diego
After recovering from his alcohol addiction Argentine football legend Diego Maradona will return to the football field to participate with friends in a match of "showball" against Uruguay on the fifth of August in Santa Fe, Argentina. Maradona, who has a history of health problems related to drug and alcohol abuse, will return to the football field after being given the thumbs up. Maradona, who will turn 47 in October, has not been seen exercising since leaving the clinic more than two months ago. But he has already affirmed to the press that he will be in good shape for the match.
http://goal.com/en/Articolo.aspx?ContenutoId=364286

Munchkin Coroner Is "Really, Most Sincerely Alive," Will Leave Tiny Handprints in Hollywood Sidewalk
The Munchkins are finally getting their due. The 124 little people from the 1939 movie "Wizard of Oz" are slated to get a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame next year. That's good news to 91-year-old Meinhardt Raabe (RAH'-bee). He played the Munchkin coroner, who proclaimed the Wicked Witch of the East "really, most sincerely dead." He says he never tires of Munchkin fame. The four-foot-seven Raabe lives in Florida, but he says he'll be at the star dedication ceremony.
http://www.kbsd6.com/Global/story.asp?S=6817456

Oh, death, you slay me...

Failed to Heed Warning: Danger, Bill Robinson!
Bill Robinson, who played on Pittsburgh's 1979 World Series championship team and was working as the Los Angeles Dodgers' minor league hitting coordinator, died Sunday. He was 64. "Bill was a wonderful family man and a great baseball player, coach, manager and friend to everyone he met," Dodger general manager Ned Colletti said. "Even though he never played for the Dodgers, it was an honor that he chose to be a part of the organization. Everyone he came into contact with was better for having known him."
http://sports.espn.go.com/mlb/news/story?id=2954068

Death Imitates Art: Checkmate, Bergman
Swedish director Ingmar Bergman, an iconoclastic filmmaker widely regarded as one of the great masters of modern cinema, died Monday, the president of his foundation said. He was 89. "It's an unbelievable loss for Sweden, but even more so internationally," Astrid Soderbergh Widding, president of The Ingmar Bergman Foundation. He was "probably the greatest film artist, all things considered, since the invention of the motion picture camera," Woody Allen said in a 70th birthday tribute in 1988. "The Seventh Seal," released in 1957, riveted critics and audiences. An allegorical tale of the medieval Black Plague years, it contains one of cinema's most famous scenes -- a knight playing chess with the shrouded figure of Death.
http://www.cnn.com/2007/SHOWBIZ/Movies/07/30/bergman.obit.ap/index.html

Prosser's Demon Deacons Got the Best of Him
Skip Prosser, who led Wake Forest to its first basketball No. 1 ranking three seasons ago, died Thursday of an apparent heart attack, the university said. He was 56. Prosser was found slumped on his office couch and unresponsive by the director of basketball operations, Mike Muse, shortly after returning from his noon jog, the athletics director, Ron Wellman, said.
http://www.nytimes.com/2007/07/27/sports/ncaabasketball/27prosser.html?ref=obituaries

This Is a Story About a Woman Named Odile Crick, She Was Not Saved by Her Wristwatch
Odile Crick, an artist whose original sketch of the double helix of DNA, the genetic blueprint for life, became a symbol of modern molecular biology, died July 5 at her home in La Jolla, Calif. She was 86.The cause was cancer, said her stepson, Michael Crick, who said the family had not announced Mrs. Crick's death until last week.
http://www.nytimes.com/2007/07/30/science/30crick.html?_r=1&ref=obituaries&oref=slogin

No Tomorrow for Snyder, so Fire up a Colortini, Sit Back, Relax, and Watch Tom Snyder, now, as he Flies through the Air towards Heaven
Talk show host Tom Snyder, whose smoke-filled interviews were a staple of late night television, has died after a struggle with leukemia. He was 71. Known for his improvised, casual style and robust laughter, Snyder conducted a number of memorable interviews as host of NBC's "The Tomorrow Show." Among his guests were John Lennon, Charles Manson and Johnny Rotten of the Sex Pistols. His catch phrase for the show was: "Fire up a colortini, sit back, relax, and watch the pictures, now, as they fly through the air." Snyder smoked throughout his show, the cigarette cloud swirling around him during interviews.
http://www.cnn.com/2007/SHOWBIZ/TV/07/30/obit.snyder.ap/index.html

Back by popular demand, the Commissioner's Council proudly brings you "Skinny Dipping," a weekly glance at some of the goings-on in the Pool. Columns will feature a more in-depth look at some of the squads and picks. To comment on this feature, or suggest an idea for "Skinny Dipping," feel free to send an email our way.

Three weeks ago in this space, Skinny Dipping told you about the 5 most popular picks, 2 of whom have since passed on. But where's the skinny (pun intended) on the opposite end of this Death spectrum, the least-popular picks? Well, here's the deal: there were 165 picks (58% of the entire pool) that qualify as "solo shots"; a death by one of the 165 would reward its owner with 20 points. Why such a large number? For starters, 30 different people are bound to come up with many different names. In many cases, these picks are unique because they are either young, in good health, or both, and were only chosen due to total guesswork, or, in some cases, spiteful hope. In other cases, however, thorough research can produce rewarding picks. To wit: 11 of the 26 points-related deaths this year have been solo shots, providing 220 out of the 670 awarded points to this point.

After two weeks of borderline chaos - chaos! - in the Top 5, this week there were no changes and the leaders remain...

1. El Esta Adead - 66 points (5 deaths)
2. The Ex-Parrots - 58.5 points (5 deaths)
3. Yiz-score - 54.3 points (4 deaths)
4. Die Hard - 46 points (3 deaths)
5. Kraut's Picks - 44.8 points (5 deaths)


That's all for us. Don't forget to tip your waitress.
The Commissioner's Council

Monday, July 23, 2007

TWID - Cleveland Day Edition

This Week in Death brings you: Another week of instructional swim! No need to protest, just come on down to poolside as we review the basics of Death Pool. Feel free to review the crawl, back, breast or butterfly stroke from end to end as we catch you up on all the news you need to know to be an educated death pool competitor. And if you still need a kick board, don't be embarrassed, we'll show you how to blow bubbles in the water. General swim returns next week...

And behind every shady deal, behind every dollar earned... there was God, keeping the books. "Three deposits this week: Tammy Faye Messner, Mohammad Zahir Shah, and Rollie Stiles. Night drop, like always..." Time to get God's stuff down to laundry. They better not over-starch his shirts.


The first health is the deepest, baby I know...

He's Wanted, WAAAAAAAANTED, Dead or Alive
Osama bin Laden, like Mark Twain, may complain that rumors of his demise have been greatly exaggerated. Assuming, of course, that he is still alive. Many believe him to have died. There has been no news of bin Laden in more than a year. But a new video released over this past weekend on an Islamist Internet Web site shows the chief of al-Qaida looking very much alive, much to the delight of his supporters and to the great consternation of many others.
http://www.upi.com/International_Intelligence/Analysis/2007/07/16/analysis_more_rumors_of_bin_ladens_death/4982/

Johnson's Stroke of Genius: Return to Floor as Strom Thurmond
South Dakota Sen. Tim Johnson hopes to be back on the floor of the U.S. Senate sometime in September, former Senate Democratic leader Tom Daschle said Monday. Johnson continues his recovery from a brain hemorrhage last December that required surgery and left him with stroke-like effects. He has limited use of his right arm and hand and lingering problems with speech and walking.
http://www.rapidcityjournal.com/articles/2007/07/16/news/top/doc469c2e5014f5a348726390.txt

Will
Willie's Weed Turn Him Into a Half Nelson?

The Red-Headed Stranger might want to change his nickname to No-Show Nelson. Willie Nelson has postponed a show at Memorial Hall that had been scheduled for Tuesday, July 31. Nelson canceled a September 2002 show in Neosho with Wynnona Judd the day before the performance. "His official story was that the cancellation was due to health reasons," said Mark Norris, one of the promoters for that show with Joplin's Access Entertainment. "Willie is happy, and he is healthy and works harder than anyone I know," Elaine Schock told CMT. "It doesn't seem unreasonable to need or want a couple of weeks off, especially when your life is planned a year in advance."
http://www.joplinglobe.com/local/local_story_197200156.html

Pan-Am Games to Fidel: "No Pills for You!"
Fidel Castro has become so glued to the television set watching the Pan American Games unfolding in Brazil that he is forgetting to take his pills. In a column published Wednesday by Cuba's Communist Party newspaper Granma, the convalescing Cuban leader said he was so engrossed with the sports that he was even forgetting to eat.
http://www.cnn.com/2007/WORLD/americas/07/18/castro.games.reut/index.html?eref=rss_latest

But when it comes to being dead, she's first. That's how I know....

Despite All Her Age, She Still Worked with Rats in a Cage
Anne McLaren, a leading developmental biologist and expert on the embryo who in the 1950s conducted experiments on mice that were important in the development of human in vitro fertilization, died on July 7 in Britain. She was 80. Throughout her career, Dr. McLaren delved ever deeper into biological as well as ethical questions of reproduction and what she termed "everything involved in getting from one generation to the next."
http://www.nytimes.com/2007/07/23/science/23mclaren.html

Matchbox Man Unwell from Disease; Can't Avoid Bright Lights. That Must be Lonely
Jack Odell, a self-trained engineer whose daughter's mischievous habit of taking spiders to school in a matchbox prompted him to make her a tiny steamroller as a substitute — an invention that led to Matchbox Toys, maker of 3 billion Lilliputian vehicles in 12,000 models — died on July 7 in London. He was 87.By 1962, he told The New York Times in an interview, Matchbox was knocking out a million toy automobiles a week, more than the number of real ones made by all the world's major automakers combined. "In my obituary," Mr. Odell said in 1969 as quoted by The Daily Telegraph, "I want it said I was a damn good engineer."
http://www.nytimes.com/2007/07/17/world/europe/17odell.html?_r=2&oref=slogin&ref=obituaries&pagewanted=print&oref=slogin

The Graff Clearly Shows Her Performance is Dying
M. M. Graff, a self-trained master gardener who became a New York legend by nudging, nagging and scolding — but seldom sweet-talking — in her crusade to improve the city parks she loved almost as much as she loathed her given name, Mildred, died at her home in Brooklyn on July 9. She was 97.In an interview with The New York Times Magazine in 1967, Ms. Graff did concede that a garden might not have to be perfect to be nice. She quickly added, "It just does for me."
http://www.nytimes.com/2007/07/22/nyregion/22graff.html?ex=1342756800&en=d450e6e73d5b1716&ei=5088&partner=rssnyt&emc=rss

Everything Comes Down to Pooh
Shirley Slesinger Lasswell, who licensed rights to the Winnie the Pooh characters to Walt Disney in 1961, then later sued the company over disputed royalties, died Thursday. She was 84. She had been working on developing Pooh for television when she met Walt Disney, who wanted to create TV shows for the characters. She licensed Pooh to Disney in 1961. In 1991, Stephen Slesinger Inc. sued Disney, alleging the company miscalculated royalties due under that deal.
http://www.iht.com/articles/ap/2007/07/19/america/NA-GEN-US-Obit-Shirley-Slesinger-Lasswell.php

When The Other Guy called him the Other Guy, Well, That was the Straw that broke the Tenor's Head
The American operatic tenor Jerry Hadley noted for his bright lyric voice, lively acting and adventurous choice of repertory, died today in Poughkeepsie, N.Y. He was 55. Friends and colleagues said Mr. Hadley had suffered from severe depression and had had financial difficulties, troubled personal relationships and professional setbacks. He had been on life support at a Poughkeepsie hospital since July 10, when he shot himself in the head with an air rifle, causing severe brain damage, at a house in Clinton Corners, N.Y.
http://www.nytimes.com/2007/07/18/arts/music/18cnd-hadley.html

Back by popular demand, t he Commissioner's Council proudly brings you "Skinny Dipping," a weekly glance at some of the goings-on in the Pool. Columns will feature a more in-depth look at some of the squads and picks. To comment on this feature, or suggest an idea for "Skinny Dipping," feel free to send an email our way.

Surely you've noticed that after today, 204 days will have passed in the year, and assuming everybody else in the Pool survives the day (though there are certainly no guarantees - it's been busy around these parts the last few days!) the total number of point-scoring deaths to this point will be 26. 283 names were picked at the start of the year, meaning 9% of the Pool has passed on. At any rate, when the year began, the question was asked, "what would happen if every one of the 283 died? All points are awarded. Who would win?" The answer is Yiz-Score would, with 321.8 points, in no small part due to 11 solo shots. Behind Yiz-Score would be The Tomb Raiders (317.3), and rounding out the top 5, Beating a Dead Horse (298.6), The Rev. Isaac Bruce (293.8), and Acharei Mos Kedoshim Emor (291.6). These 5 are the leaders in the "maximum points potential category," meaning that they have the potential to score more points than than anyone else. How are they actually doing? Well, Yiz-Score is in 3rd, and Beating a Dead Horse is doing alright. Meanwhile, despite their huge potential point totals, the other three make up 50% of the teams stuck at zero. Guess Professor Dumbledore was right: It is our choices that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities.

Another week, another adjustment!... With a 20-point solo shot, Kraut's Picks knocks Go to Hell out of the Top 5 after a mere one-week stay. Sorry, Go to Hell. We hope your next visit to the Top 5 is long enough to allow you to unpack.

1. El Esta Adead - 66 points (5 deaths)
2. The Ex-Parrots - 58.5 points (5 deaths)
3. Yiz-score - 54.3 points (4 deaths)
4. Die Hard - 46 points (3 deaths)
5. Kraut's Picks - 44.8 points (5 deaths)


Don't let the heat drag you down, cool down with a dip in the death pool... an instructional dip, of course.
The Commissioner's Council

Monday, July 16, 2007

TWID - National Ice Cream Day Edition

This Week in Death brings you: Notes from instructional swim! Come on down to poolside as we review the basics of Death Pool. Feel free to try the crawl, back, breast or butterfly stroke from end to end as we catch you up on all the news you need to know to be an educated death pool competitor. And if you need a kick board, don't be embarrassed, we'll show you how to blow bubbles in the water. General swim returns shortly...

This week brought the passing of two of our most popular members: Charles Lane and Lady Bird Johnson... We'll miss you both very much, and don't worry; we are not fighting over the inheritance. We have divvied up the points fairly.

For better health updates, eat organic....


Diller in a Pickle; Tough to Get Out of it With Strained Back
ET has learned Phyllis Diller did not break her back as earlier reports indicated. She actually fractured a disk in her back while at home. She said it happened after she twisted and turned, and the resulting injury turned out to be a fractured disk in her back. She tells ET that she's going to try and take it easy and let everything heal.
http://www.etonline.com/celebrities/news/48962/

"It's Better to be Pissed Off, then Pissed On!" You know what I mean, Grylls! Um Bear, What Are You Doing in This Video???
"That is probably the most disgusting thing i have seen a hot guy do!" - Speedergurl
"He is my hero. For peeing on his shirt and wearing it on his head to keep cool. In the desert" - Randale87

"OMG HE DRANK HIS OWN PISS!!!! Well he did it in order to survive" - mskiedesfrusciante
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kotNQOYFxkw

No Word If Pavarotti is Fighting More Like Nala or Simba (or Kitna)
Luciano Pavarotti is "fighting like a lion" against his pancreatic cancer and is reacting well to radiotherapy, his wife told an Italian newspaper. "I can now say he is doing well," Nicoletta Mantovani said in an interview published Wednesday in the Italian daily La Stampa. "He's determined and results are encouraging," she said. "Despite the heavy treatment he has not lost weight, which by the way he would have liked, or his hair."
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2007/07/11/AR2007071100559.html

Flatley Mysteriously Flirting with Flat-lining?

Dance star Michael Flatley has enlisted a team of doctors find a cure for the mystery immune virus that left him fighting for his life last December (06). Flatley was taken ill while rehearsing for Celtic Tiger, his latest show. The mystery virus left him hospitalised for weeks, amid reports it might rob him of the ability to dance.
http://www.postchronicle.com/news/entertainment/tittletattle/article_21292104.shtml

You know what? Charles Lane and Lady Bird don't get all the death attention this week...

Should have Shagged Now; No More Shag Later
Longtime major league umpire Shag Crawford, patriarch of a family of prominent sports officials, died Wednesday. He was 90. Jerry Crawford said his father died at an assisted living facility in suburban Philadelphia. "For someone who was going to be 91 in August, he was in pretty good health for a long time," Crawford said by telephone. Jerry Crawford became a big league umpire in the mid-1970s, around the time his brother, Joey, became an NBA official.
http://sports.espn.go.com/mlb/news/story?id=2933577&campaign=rss&source=MLBHeadlines

Sadly, There Was No Fluffer on Hand to Keep Him Going
Jim Mitchell, who teamed with his brother, Artie, to build a legendary porn empire that included San Francisco's O'Farrell Theatre and several revolutionary skin flicks -- and who in 1991 shot his brother dead -- died Thursday night at his Sonoma County ranch home, family and coroner's officials said. He was 63. "He was sitting in his chair and doing something, I think watching TV, and he just, 'Ehhhh.' That was it. His heart quit him just like that," said Merle Lane, a relative by marriage.
http://www.mercurynews.com/breakingnews/ci_6368479?nclick_check=1

Kudzu Creator Crashes. Have to Wonder What the Last Thought Bubble Through His Head Was...
Doug Marlette, the North Carolina-born cartoonist who won a Pulitzer Prize and created the popular strip "Kudzu," was killed in a car accident Tuesday morning in Mississippi, authorities said. He was 57. Marlette was the passenger in the car, which struck a tree after skidding on a rain-slicked road, said John Garrison, the coroner in Mississippi's Marshall County.
http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20070710/ap_en_ot/obit_marlette;_ylt=AmImHQ_FMeyqQJQ8FffnKxNY24cA

Larry Can't Stave off Illness; Should've Tried Indiana Pace-maker
Larry Staverman, who was the first coach of the Indian Pacers when they started as an ABA franchise, died Wednesday after a long illness. He was 70. "By being our first coach, he was a believer in the franchise at a time when there were many doubters," Pacers CEO Donnie Walsh said in a statement. "That is something we recognize and hope our fans recognize. Our condolences go to his family and friends."
http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20070713/ap_on_sp_bk_ne/bkn_obit_staverman

Back with popular demand,
the Commissioner's Council proudly brings you "Skinny Dipping," a weekly glance at some of the goings-on in the Pool. Columns will feature a more in-depth look at some of the squads and picks. To comment on this feature, or suggest an idea for "Skinny Dipping," feel free to send an email our way.

Last week also introduced the "Skinny Dipping Curse." Skinny Dipping boasted of the continued living of both Charles Lane and Lady Bird Johnson, only to see both perish. Who will skinny dipping curse this week? Find out... right now.

While most weeks this space will be used to take a look at some of the more trivia-related aspects of Death Pool, be it the entries in the Pool, or the names that appear on those entries, a week like this, with 22 point additions to 15 teams (7 teams double-dipped this week!), forces a look at the entire depth of the pool. 10 teams began the week with no points recorded; the passing of two popular picks, Charles Lane and Lady Bird Johnson, shrank that number by 4. Incredibly, three teams (Satan's Waiting Room , Grateful I'm Not Dead, and Hagler's Rolls) broke their shutout on Tuesday and got their second score on Wednesday. One team (Anybody But Me) only had Johnson. When the dust cleared, 6 teams remain points-less; in better news, they still have 168 3/8 days left to get on the board!

The Leaders Remain... No, wait! We have an adjustment! Repeat, an adjustment! With her 5.5 point increase this week, Go to Hell has now cracked the Top Sorry, Av S. Is My Hero - better luck this week.

1. El Esta Adead - 66 points (5 deaths)
2. The Ex-Parrots - 58.5 points (5 deaths)
3. Yiz-score - 50 points (3 deaths)
4. Die Hard - 46 points (3 deaths)
5. Go to Hell - 43 points (5 deaths)


Don't let the heat drag you down, cool down with a dip in the death pool... an instructional dip, of course.
The Commissioner's Council

Monday, July 9, 2007

TWID - All Star Break Edition

This Week in Death brings you: Notes from the game of pool! We've set up the balls in the rack and chalked up the cues. Join us as we go solids versus stripes, and catch you up on all the news you need to know to be a Fats Domino-like death pool competitor. Watch out for the 8-Ball, like death... it's an end. Unlike death, it doesn't give you any points.

If you don't have your health update, you have no update.

Some Lady Birds Weren't Meant to be Caged
Lady Bird Johnson, the former first lady, was released from the hospital Thursday and was resting comfortably at her home, a family spokesman said. Johnson, 94, was admitted to Seton Medical Center a week ago and treated for a low-grade fever. She remained at the hospital for observation after the fever subsided.
http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,287258,00.html

Richie Now Eating For One
In Touch Weekly magazine and TMZ.com are confirming rumors that "Simple Life" star Nicole Richie is pregnant. An unidentified friend says Richie was planning on withholding the news until she was at least three months pregnant.
http://www.13wham.com/news/national/story.aspx?content_id=1fa0ab6b-4770-4db9-96a3-658329239e11

Look Who Knows So Much? Just So Happens that Your Father Here Is Only Mostly Dead
Italian opera sensation Luciano Pavarotti will release a new album of classical religious music, despite battling cancer. The tenor has been diagnosed with pancreatic cancer and his weight has dropped dramatically since undergoing a recent operation to remove a tumour. But despite his ill health, the 71-year-old still plans to release an album of sacred songs. The news of the new project follows reports of Pavarotti's daughter claiming the singer "knows he's going to die soon" - a statement which has been disputed by Robson.
http://www.pr-inside.com/pavarotti-dampens-dying-rumours-with-r164632.htm

Notorious B.I.G.G.S.? Every Move He Makes, We'll Be Watching Him
Ronnie Biggs, one of the masterminds of Britain's Great Train Robbery in 1963, has been transferred to a lower security jail because of his ailing health and advancing years, media said Wednesday. The 77-year-old, who is partially paralysed and can barely speak after suffering several strokes, has been moved from Belmarsh high security jail in south-east London to a prison for elderly inmates in Norwich, eastern England. http://www.khaleejtimes.com/DisplayArticleNew.asp?xfile=data/theworld/2007/July/theworld_July114.xml&section=theworld&col=

What's that you say? Death Gordon is approaching?

Down and Out Is Beverly Sills
Beverly Sills, the Brooklyn-born opera diva who was a global icon of can-do American culture with her dazzling voice, bubbly personality and management moxie in the arts world, died Monday of cancer, her manager said. She was 78.
http://www.cnn.com/2007/SHOWBIZ/Music/07/02/obit.beverly.sills.ap/index.html

This Boots was Made for Walking, But That's Not What He'll Do
Boots Randolph, whose spirited saxophone playing on "Yakety Sax" endeared him to fans for years on Benny Hill's TV show, died Tuesday. He was 80. Randolph played regularly in Nashville nightclubs for 30 years, becoming a tourist draw for the city much like Wayne Newton in Las Vegas and Pete Fountain in New Orleans.
http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20070703/ap_en_mu/obit_randolph

Yabba Dabba Dead!
Will H. Schaefer, a composer whose music accompanied hit television shows such as "I Dream of Jeannie" and "The Flintstones," has died in California, a family friend said Wednesday. He was 78. The Wisconsin-native wrote background music, which is different from theme songs, for such TV shows as "The Flying Nun," "Hogan's Heroes," "The AristoCats," "The Jetsons," "The SpongeBob SquarePants Movie" and "The Tonight Show" with Johnny Carson.
http://www.variety.com/article/VR1117968075.html?categoryid=14&cs=1&nid=2568

Walker's Lung Cancer as Deadly as Dy-no-mite!
Former Providence great Jimmy Walker, the only player from a New England college to be selected with the first pick in the NBA draft, died Monday of lung cancer in Kansas City, Mo. He was 63. In three seasons at Providence, Walker averaged 25.2 points per game and scored a total of 2,045, a school record that stood for 38 years.
http://sports.espn.go.com/ncb/news/story?id=2925047

Shekhar-a's Truth-Telling Hips Laid to Rest
Former Prime Minister Chandra Shekhar died of cancer on Sunday in New Delhi at the age of 80, a hospital statement said. Chandra Shekhar, who headed a coalition government as India's 11th prime minister from 1990 to 1991, was a socialist politician from Uttar Pradesh.
http://in.today.reuters.com/news/NewsArticle.aspx?type=topNews&storyID=2007-07-08T124445Z_01_NOOTR_RTRMDNC_0_India-283699-1.xml

26 editions of TWID down, and this edition marks the first of 26 to go. To mark this occasion, the Commissioner's Council proudly introduces "Skinny Dipping," a weekly glance at some of the goings-on in the Pool. Columns will feature a more in-depth look at some of the squads and picks. To comment on this feature, or suggest an idea for "Skinny Dipping," feel free to send an email our way. Without further ado...

Entering 2007, it seemed like using a spot on the roster for Fidel Castro would be a wise choice. Halfway through the year, however, it's been looking like Milk. Castro, who came into the year in poor health, was selected by 17 of the 30 teams. Socialite Brooke Astor, who turned 105 recently, was the 2nd-most popular pick, appearing on 13 rosters. Fellow centenarian Charles Lane came in 3rd, with 12 rosters forecasting his demise. Rounding out the Top 5 are Albert Hofmann (a vibrant 101-year old) and subject of many a health update Lady Bird Johnson, each having been selected 10 times. What do they all have in common (besides, you know, being really old)? Well, halfway through the year, none of them have put points on the board. In fact, none of the 18 picks at the top of the frequency list have passed on. Maybe Agent Kay was right after all: A person is smart. People are dumb, panicky, dangerous animals and you know it... The most popular picks to be a source of points have been Kitty Carlisle and Maurice Papon, with each being selected by 5 people.

Don't forget to bring a scoring update!

1. El Esta Adead - 66 points (5 deaths)
2. The Ex-Parrots - 58.5 points (5 deaths)
3. Yiz-score - 50 points (3 deaths)
4. Die Hard - 46 points (3 deaths)
5. Av S. is My Hero - 41 points (3 deaths)


Don't let the heat drag you down, cool down with a dip in the death pool...
The Commissioner's Council

Monday, July 2, 2007

TWID - Independence Day Edition

This Week in Death brings you: Notes from the game of pool! We've set up the balls in the rack and chalked up the cues. Join us as we go solids versus stripes, and catch you up on all the news you need to know to be a Fats Domino-like death pool competitor. Watch out for the 8-Ball, like death... it's an end. Unlike death, it doesn't give you any points.

Health is a wonderful thing. Health is a really good thing. Get off your ealth, let's do some health...

More Cowbell Reduces Fever. Healthy Enough Not to Be in Gold Plated Diapers
Former first lady Lady Bird Johnson, 94, left an Austin, Texas, hospital on Thursday following six days of tests and observation. The widow of late President Lyndon Johnson was suffering from a low-grade fever when she was admitted on June 22 to Seton Medical Center in Austin.
http://www.reuters.com/article/domesticNews/idUSN2831205320070628

A Big No No: Zsa Zsa Has Boo Boo
During Friday's hearing, Zsa Zsa Gabor was absent due to a leg infection. It occurred when she slipped and fell while trying to get out of bed without assistance. "She has got a strong antibiotic for the infection," says Prince Frederic. "We hope the infection is going to go away. If it doesn't, she has to go to the hospital."
http://www.etonline.com/celebrities/news/48817/

Bush's Christmas List: I Wanna Pony, a Nintendo Wii, and the Death of a Dictator

President Bush on Thursday openly anticipated the death of ailing Cuban President Fidel Castro, picturing it as an opportunity to bring freedom to the Caribbean island after nearly half a century of iron-fisted rule by the fiery communist leader."One day, the good Lord will take Fidel Castro away," Bush said.
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2007/06/28/AR2007062801321.html?hpid=moreheadlines

The Second Line on the Headstone is "Until I Turned 90. Being Old Sucks."
When Brooke Astor dies, she wants the world to know "I had a wonderful life." The 105-year-old doyenne of New York society has chosen those words for her headstone, according to a published report. Astor is in frail but stable health, people who have seen her told the Daily News yesterday.
http://www.nydailynews.com/gossip/2007/06/25/2007-06-25_socialite_astors_wonderful_life_is_set_i.html

Until death do us part...

Claiborne Unveils New Flat Line

Liz Claiborne, founder of the fashion house that bears her name, died today at the age of 78. Claiborne, who retired from the day-to-day operations in 1989, founded the fashion house in 1976. The goal was to create a collection of fashions aimed at the growing number of women entering the workforce.
http://cbs2.com/topstories/topstories_story_178145336.html

Siegel Gives Death Two Thumbs Down
Surrounded by family and friends, ABC's beaming and insightful movie critic Joel Siegel has died in New York, after a long and remarkably courageous struggle with cancer, at the age of 63.
http://abcnews.go.com/GMA/story?id=3324632&page=1

Survived American Hurls: Atomic or Otherwise
Former Prime Minister Kiichi Miyazawa, whose career stretched from Japan's defeat in World War II through the 1990s "lost decade" of economic stagnation, died on Thursday at the age of 87, his office said. For some, Miyazawa's most enduring image was captured in 1992 when he cradled the head of U.S. President George Bush in his lap after Bush collapsed at a state banquet in Tokyo.
http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/20070628/wl_nm/japan_miyazawa_death_dc_2

Everyone Mourned because They Assumed They Were Supposed to Get the Sadness
J.B. Handelsman, who applied his dry wit to subjects ranging from politics to popular culture while creating nearly 1,000 New Yorker magazine cartoons, has died of lung cancer. Handelsman, 85, died June 20 at his home in Southampton, N.Y., The New Yorker said Tuesday.


With the coming of July we have reached the halfway point of the Death Pool. In the immortal (no pun intended. Screw it. Pun very much intended.) word of John Bon Jovi "Whoooooooooooooooa we're halfway there, whooooooooooooooa living on a prayer." A prayer of health, death notices, and scoring updates. In honor of the halfway point, we reproduce for you: The Full Standings.

1. El Esta Adead- 66 points (5 deaths)
2. The Ex-Parrots- 58.5 points (5 deaths)
3. Yiz-score- 50 points (3 deaths)
4. Die Hard- 46 points (3 deaths)
5. Av S. is My Hero- 41 points (3 deaths)
6. Go to Hell- 37.5 points (3 deaths)
7. Future Corpses of America- 35 points (2 deaths)
8. Mine are the Deadest- 28.5 points (3 deaths)
9. Life's a Bitch- 25 points (2 deaths)
10. Hey Hey Hey Goodbye- 21 (2 deaths)
11. Beating a Dead Horse- 20 points (1 death)
11. Fatal Swimming Pool- 20 points (1 death)
13. Hagler's Picks - 15 points (1 death)
13. Kraut's Picks- 15 points (1 death)
13. Struck Down by Yahweh- 15 points (1 death)
13. The Death Eaters- 15 points (1 death)
17. Grave Danger- 13.5 points (2 deaths)
18. The Morgue the Merrier- 6 points (1 death)
18. Death is Funny- 6 points (1 death)
18. The Deathtrum- 6 points (1 death)
21. Satan's Waiting Room- 0 points
21. Grateful I'm not Dead- 0 points
21. No Research, Just Guts- 0 points
21. Hagler's Rolls- 0 points
21. Achrei Mos Kedoshim Emor- 0 points
21. Do not Resuscitate- 0 points
21. The Rev. Isaac Bruce- 0 points
21. My Twenty People- 0 points
21. The Tomb Raiders- 0 points
21. Anybody But Me- 0 points

Second Half Projections? Double Your Current Score.
That's Death. Taxes also a guarantee...
The Commissioner's Council