This Proves it. There is Life After Death

Death, while physically bad, need not be so financially. Forbes's list of top earning dead celebrities is out and once again, Elvis Presley tops the list. Elvis Presley is the New England Patriots of money earning dead celebrities. And yes, by that I mean that he illegally, secretly videotapes other dead celebrities.

The top five:

1. Elvis Presley
2. John Lennon
3. Charles Schultz
4. George Harrison
5. Albert Einstein

What does this mean for you? The Arizona Daily Star has an idea:

Now this should make you feel like a slacker: Elvis Presley earned $49 million in the last 12 months.

While dead.

You know what should make Elvis feel like a slacker though? I breathe a lot better than he does.

[Forbes]
[Arizona Daily Star]

Knowing is Half the Battle

"Well, it's the age old question. Do you want to know how and when you're going to die or would you rather not know?"
"And what is the professional consensus?"
"Oh, you don't want to know. Knowing makes it ten times worse..."

It seems like an epic disagreement... Saturday Night Live vs. Time Magazine, who writes this month:

When asked to contemplate the occasion of their own demise, people become happier than usual, instead of sadder, according to a new study in the November issue of Psychological Science.

Wow, I guess Tuesdays With Morrie was right, after all...

[Saturday Night Live Jet Blue Sketch]
[Time]

Simonetta, You're Alive to me, Simonetta...

Hey, at least she didn't die in a car crash with Mark Paul Gosselaar and Stephanie from Full House. I think this is why you don't take sides against the family.

First, she was killed in a bomb blast as Apollonia, the Sicilian wife of Al Pacino, in the 1972 film "The Godfather." Then in 2006 she was pronounced dead of cancer at the age of 51 in Internet reports that persist to this day. But Italian actress Simonetta Stefanelli, who was 17 when she captivated audiences with her dark Mediterranean looks in the gangster classic, said reports of her premature death are, to borrow a phrase, greatly exaggerated.

[Newsday]

TWID - Halloween Edition

This Week in Death brings you: Notes and news covering a week's worth of health and the absence of health. How are the Cambodian and Fijian leaders doing? Will that affect peace in the middle east? What does Keith Richards have in common with World Series MVP Mike Lowell? Is it true that two food pioneers from the 1960s died this week, and neither of them was Clarence Birdseye? Who discovered Dolly Parton? The answers to these questions, and to life itself, are answered below. We're back with this week's stellar Halloween edition of This Week in Death!

Stock up on candy, because these people can still Trick-or-Treat, but Sihanouk, at least, does not want your candy...

Jerry Lee Lewis Too Old to Dance, Still has a "Whole Lotta Shakin' Going On..." in his Hands, Mostly.
Jerry Lee Lewis showed he's still got some life in him at 72, though he's lost a step or two since his last Bridge School appearance in 2005. He's still a serious boogie-woogie piano player, however, and the closing "Great Balls of Fire" and "Whole Lotta Shakin' Going On" brought the crowd to its feet, but his voice quavered noticeably during his country crooning and he wasn't doing the piano gymnastics he's been known for over the past 50 years.
[Mercury News]

Cambodia's Sihanouk Turns 85. Remains Bitter, Bitter Old Man
Cambodia's retired but still revered King Norodom Sihanouk said he wants no gifts, correspondence or other fanfare for his 85th birthday. Sihanouk is asking people, including members of the royal family, to heed his words "to not call on him, to not dispatch to him messages of greetings and congratulations, even on the occasion of his birthday,'' the statement said. Sihanouk hopes to avoid "gifts, fruits, cakes, culinary dishes and other things.'' Sihanouk's request also applies to Christmas, the international Jan. 1 New Year and Cambodia's traditional Khmer New Year, celebrated in April, the statement said.
[The Star]

Keith Richards was Erratic. If You Forgot How Much Coke He has Done, This is News
Rolling Stones guitarist Keith Richards made an erratic appearance at last night's Scream Awards, sparking new concerns for his health. The musician, who takes daily medication to prevent seizures after brain surgery last year, struggled to stay upright and slurred his way through his acceptance speech. He said: "Thank you all fans for voting me in, you know. It's a first - it's not my land, usually, to do this sort of stuff, but due to enormous public pressure... I've got to say thank you very, very much and also to Johnny - who insisted that I play his father."
[Daily Mail]

Fiji Finished? Iloilo's Health not Ratu-fied
A Fiji human rights commissioner is concerned about whether the country's president is fit to be able to make his own decisions. The interim prime minister and the president's secretary maintain that President Ratu Josefa Iloilo's ill health and old age do not hamper his ability to do his job. But Shamima Ali dismisses this and says there is concern that the president is unfit to make decisions and fulfill his role. President Iloilo made no comment last year when the military commander purported to be the president for a month after the coup.
[Radio New Zealand]

Halloween costumes? They'll be going as ghouls. Except Peg bracken. She'll be going as a slutty ghoul...

If You Weren't a Porter Fan yet, It's Never to Late to Jump On His Band Wagoner
Porter Wagoner, a Grand Ole Opry institution and member of the Country Music Hall of Fame, died Sunday. Known as the Thin Man From West Plains, he was 80 and had been hospitalized sinceOct. 15. Wagoner was an early cast member of ABC's Ozark Jubilee (1955-56), but he left the show in 1956 and moved to Nashville, where he was invited to join the Grand Ole Opry cast the next year. Hosting The Porter Wagoner Show was a tall, thin, close-cropped young man whose solemn seriousness contrasted markedly with his sometimes silly exuberance of later years, but his voice and demeanor made him the perfect salesman for the company's products.
[Country Music Television]

Every Time the Bells Ring in the Commercial, DeDomenico Gets His Wings
Vincent M. DeDomenico Sr., who with his brothers invented Rice-A-Roni, one of the classic kitchen helpers of the 1960s, died Thursday at his home in Napa, Calif. He was 92. The DeDomenicos invented their signature product in 1958 after watching a sister-in-law mix a can of Swanson's chicken broth with rice and vermicelli. As a brand, Rice-A-Roni traded heavily on the city of its origin, calling itself "The San Francisco Treat," weaving the images of cable cars and their bells into its television advertising.
[New York Times]

Killing Joke's Bassist Suffers Ironic, Humorless Death. Quoth the Raven: Nevermore
Paul Raven, bassist with post-punk band Killing Joke, has died of a suspected heart attack aged 46. Killing Joke had hits including Love Like Blood and Pandemonium, and were covered by Metallica and Foo Fighters. Bandmates Jaz Coleman and Geordie Walker described Raven as "possibly the funniest man on planet Earth and a brother to us all".
[BBC]

Bracken Knocked Down a Peg. No Longer Needs to Worry about Making Dinner
Peg Bracken, an advertising copywriter who nearly half a century ago parlayed her irreverent wit — and her passionate dislike of a traditional womanly duty — into a subversive best seller, "The I Hate to Cook Book," died on Saturday at her home in Portland, Ore. She was 89. "Some women, it is said, like to cook," Ms. Bracken's book began. "This book is not for them." In Ms. Bracken's culinary canon, ingredients should be cheap, common and above all convenient. Canned soups loomed large in her recipes. So did alcohol, though in many cases her instructions called for it to bypass the cooking process entirely and proceed straight down the cook's throat.
[New York Times]

Stern Collection for Women, Bringing His Sum to Wife
Hans Stern, a poor Jewish immigrant from Germany who used Brazilian precious stones to build a global jewelry empire, died here on Friday. He was 85. In 1945, he founded H. Stern here as a gemstone trading business, to harvest the potential he saw in marketing Brazilian gems — a trade then practically nonexistent. Today, 170 stores are franchised in
26 countries.
[New York Times]

This Week Was Somebody's Birthday! Whose Birthday? Some Death Pool Entrants' Birthdays. How Old Are They? 1,2,3... And Never been Kissed By... Death
Happy Birthday to:
October 26: Shelley Morrison (71)
October 28: Mahmoud Ahmadinejad (51)
October 29: Maurice Clarett (24)
... And Many More!!!!!!!!

It's called the top 5 for a reason. That reason? They have the 5 highest scores in Death Pool.
1. El Esta Adead - 76 points (6 deaths)
2. Yiz-score - 74.3 points (5 deaths)
3. The Ex-Parrots - 62.3 points (6 deaths)
4. Kraut's Picks - 60.9 points (8 deaths)
5. Life's a Bitch - 53.9 points (8 deaths)

Sorry, if we spooked you, it's just us...
The Commissioner's Council

Dividing Up The Estate of Dead Celebs

Questions about who inherits the estate of a dead celebrities are not new controversies. Those who die leaving no natural heirs create issues that only the courts could tackle.

With some nudging from the Screen Actors Guild and the [Marilyn] Monroe estate, the California Senate drafted clarifying legislation. Senate Bill No. 771, affectionately known as the Dead Celebrities Bill, passed without objection and was signed by Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger earlier this month.

New York’s Legislature tabled a bill similar to California’s Dead Celebrities Bill this spring and it is expected to be reintroduced this fall. A coalition that includes Al Pacino and Jackie Robinson’s widow is among the bill’s supporters.

Here's hoping that this bill is met with strong support. We wouldn't want to see it die.

[New York Times]

TWID - United Nation's Day Edition

This Week in Death brings you: Notes and news covering a week's worth of health and death. How Old is Ruby Mohammad, you ask? What's the latest on Ted Kennedy blocked artery? Is it true that Big Moe really died? Did someone actually fall off a roof? These questions and more answered below, in this week's edition of This Week in Death!

We'll miss two people who we lost with points this week: Deborah Kerr took her Golden Globes to Dirt-Colored Earth and Joey Bishop went from hanging with the Rat Pack to hanging with a pack of rats. We will miss you both. As always - we start with health news...

These People are at least healthier than those in the next section...

"We Meant: As Fit as a Really Sick, Weak, and Old Young Person," His Doctors Later Explained
"Iran," President Shimon Peres said, "is an imperialist state and it is no secret that they want to take over the Muslim world, the Middle East and anywhere else they can reach." The president also rejected rumors about his health. Peres said he was feeling well and added that his doctors said he was as fit as a young person.
[Jerusalem Post]

Ruby May Not be as Tarnished as Believed, This Could Effect Appraisal
Ruby Muhammad (born March 20, 1897 or March 20, 1907) is the Mother of the Nation of Islam. In 2007, research by supercentenarian tracker Filipe Prista Lucas indicated that Ruby Muhammad was most likely 'only' 100 years old (born in 1907), based on an April 1910 census listing of 3 years old.
[Wikipedia]

Next Question. Dear Billy Graham: You've Long Been Diagnosed with an Incurable Disease. Can You Give me Any Reason Not to Take Your Life Right Now? -- God
DEAR BILLY GRAHAM: I've just been diagnosed with an incurable disease that will leave me weaker and in more and more pain as the months go by. Can you give me any reason not to take my own life right now? — D.G. DEAR D.G.: The greatest burden you could ever place on your family would be for you to take your own life. Their confusion, hurt and guilt would be almost endless (no matter what you told them), for they would constantly wonder what they could have done to prevent such a terrible act and why you chose to reject their love and concern so decisively.
[Kansas City Star]

Kennedy Out of General Hospital, Back to Bold and Beautiful Self. These are the Days of His Life
Sen. Ted Kennedy is resting in his family's Hyannisport compound after he was released from Massachusetts General Hospital following surgery to clear blockage in a major neck artery. His office said he'll rest there for a few days before returning to the Senate. The blockage in his left carotid artery was discovered during a routine physical and MRI on Kennedy's back, which was injured in a 1964 plane crash.
[Boston Now]

These people are not healthy. They are dead.

McGee Takes It To The House; Lands Dead in the Coffin Corner.
Max McGee, the free-spirited Green Bay packers receiver who became part of Super Bowl lore after a night on the town, died when he fell while clearing leaves from the roof of his home. He was 75. "I just lost my best friend," former teammate Paul Hornung [said], "He shouldn't have been up there. He knew better than that." McGee caught the first touchdown pass in Super Bowl history in 1967. He didn't plan to play in the title game against the Chiefs because he violated the team curfew and spent the night before partying. "When it's third-and-10," McGee once said, "you can take the milk drinkers and I'll take the whiskey drinkers every time."
[ESPN]

For Big Moe, Cough Syrup Was the Nighttime, Snuffing, Snorting, Guzzling So You Can Sleep Forever Medicine
Big Moe, a Houston rapper whose 2002 album reached No. 3 on Billboard's hip hop charts, has died. Big Moe, whose real name was Kenneth Moore, was 33. Bryan McLeod, a spokesman for the county public hospital system did not release a cause of death, but numerous hip hop Web sites said the obese rapper suffered a heart attack. Big Moe was a member of the late DJ Screw's rap collective the Screwed Up Click. DJ Screw died of a heart attack in 2000 after a reported overdose of codeine-laced cough syrup. The titles of Big Moe's first two albums made reference to it. His first album was called "City of Syrup" and his most successful offering was 2002's "Purple World," for the color most often associated with the drug.
[Click2Houston.com]

Kar·ma /ˈkɑrmə/ [kahr-muh]–noun: (def.) fate; destiny. (example) When the Indians Lose to the Red Sox, One Week After Bellecourt Dies
Vernon Bellecourt, an Ojibwa Indian who waged a long campaign for native rights, most visible in battling the use of Indian nicknames by sports teams, died Oct. 13 in Minneapolis. He was 75. It was as president of the National Coalition on Racism in Sports and Media that Mr. Bellecourt achieved his greatest visibility. When teams with names like the Indians, the Redskins or the Chiefs appeared in high-profile contests, he was often there to protest. He was arrested twice for burning an effigy of the Cleveland Indians' mascot, Chief Wahoo, and protested the Washington Redskins at the Super Bowl.
[New York Times]

Life to Death, It's an 82 Year Trip, as the Crowe Flies
Adm. William J. Crowe Jr., who as chairman of the Joint Chief of Staffs in the Reagan administration signed an agreement with Soviet military leaders that helped reduce tensions between the superpowers, died yesterday in Bethesda, Md. He was 82. Admiral Crowe [said] the pact showed how far "the courage of our political leaders has brought us toward developing a more sustainable larger relationship."In his four years as chairman of the Joint Chiefs, Admiral Crowe brought a deft diplomatic touch to a number of difficult situations.
[New York Times]

He Photographed Dr. King, But Still Took Pictures in Black and White
Ernest C. Withers, a photographer whose voluminous catalog of arresting black-and-white images illustrates a history of life in the segregated South in the 1950s and '60s, from the civil rights movement to the Beale Street music scene, died on Monday in Memphis. He was 85. Mr. Withers worked as a freelance photographer at a time when events of the day were not just newsworthy but historic occasions. He photographed the Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. resting at the Lorraine Motel in Memphis after the March Against Fear in 1966, and riding one of the first desegregated buses in Montgomery, Ala., in 1956, along with the Rev. Ralph David Abernathy.
[New York Times]

This Week Was Somebody's Birthday! Whose Birthday? Some Death Pool Entrants' Birthdays. How Old Are They? 1,2,3... And Never been Kissed By... Death
Happy Birthday to:
October 16: Suzanne Somers (61)
October 17: Robert Jordan (59)
October 17: Evel Knievel (69)
October 18: Chuck Berry (81)
October 18: Jesse Helms (86)
October 21: Whitey Ford (79)
October 22: Annette Funicello (65)
... And Many More!!!!!!!!

Joey Bishop accomplished many things in his life, and in death he can add one more: putting Life's a Bitch in the Top 5, booting Struck Down by Yahweh. Deborah Kerr on the other hand, helped last week's #4 move up to #2 and cut the leader's margin to the smallest its been in months . The Top 5...
1. El Esta Adead - 76 points (6 deaths)
2. Yiz-score - 74.3 points (5 deaths)
3. The Ex-Parrots - 62.3 points (6 deaths)
4. Kraut's Picks - 60.9 points (8 deaths)
5. Life's a Bitch - 53.9 points (8 deaths)

We are alive and kicking,
The Commissioner's Council

TWID - White Cane Safety Day Edition

This Week in Death brings you: This Week in Death! Below are all the notes and news to cover a week's worth of health and death. There are more health notices than the sight-less can read, and more death than blind people on freeways. How is Tim Johnson this week? What's the latest on Fidel Castro? Which Music or TV persona - whom I have never heard of - died? (Hint: It's Bud Ekins) We don't need a seeing-eye dog to lead us down this path, we have TWID to mark the way....

No points deaths... means we jump right to Health...

With Kennedy, It's More Removing the Artery from the Blockage
Sen. Ted Kennedy was released from the hospital Saturday, following a procedure Friday to remove an artery blockage, a spokeswoman for the Massachusetts Democrat said."Senator Kennedy was released from Massachusetts General Hospital today following Friday's successful surgery to remove blockage in his carotid artery. After a few days of rest at home in Hyannis Port, the senator will return to the Senate," said Melissa Wagoner. Kennedy's office said the blockage was discovered "as part of a routine evaluation of Senator Kennedy's back and spine."
[CNN]

Next Time on the Castro/Chavez Super Fun Variety Hour... Fidel and Hugo Perform a Special Version of "Afternoon Delight"
Fidel Castro made his first live appearance on Cuban airwaves since falling ill 14 months ago, sounding lucid and in good humor as he exchanged praise and jokes Sunday with the Venezuelan president. Castro's telephone call to a television and radio program came minutes after visiting Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez aired a new videotape of their weekend meeting in which he sang revolutionary hymns to Castro and called him "father of all revolutionaries." "I am very touched when you sing about Che," Castro told Chavez during his hour-long call to Chavez's "Alo, Presidente!" program — referring to revolutionary icon Ernesto "Che" Guevara, to whom the program was dedicated. "There is electricity in the air," Chavez said, obviously pleased with Castro's call.
[Yahoo!]

Big Stein to Have Plenty of Time for Ham and Cheese with the Fancy Mustard
The George Steinbrenner era is apparently all but over. According to a report in the New York Post, the "Boss" has handed over control of the New York Yankees to his sons Hank and Hal Steinbrenner as he faces up to declining health. George Steinbrenner, 77, was seldom seen at Yankee Stadium this season, attending only three games as his health kept him away. The Post reported that the final details of the new arrangement are yet to be determined — something that will happen in meetings scheduled for Tampa, Florida next week — but Hank and Hal Steinbrenner are to take over the day-to-day running of the team.
[MSNBC]

♪ Hey, Dakotans, it's me. I bet you thought that I was dead. But when I left the Senate I just had a stroke and got a hemorrhage in my head! ♫
A gathering here Wednesday billed as a forum to discuss farm legislation with Sen. Tim Johnson was from the start as much an opportunity for South Dakotans to assess the health and progress of their ailing senior U.S. senator. Johnson, who suffered a brain hemorrhage last December, took several months to rehabilitate before returning to work in September. He still shows signs of weakness on his right side, has slow speech and has difficulty walking - all effects of the stroke-like illness that suddenly afflicted him. But as Johnson tours South Dakota this week - earlier in Rapid City and on to Sioux Falls today - he says he feels stronger than when he visited the state in late August."I feel good. I feel better ... I hang in there, and it's going good, and I look forward to getting better and better," he said Wednesday.
[Argus Leader]

From health, it's just one small skip to death....

God, This Bud's For You. You'll Know He's Fully Cold When the Mountains on His Skin Turn Blue... Like Your Eyes.
Bud Ekins, a devil-may-care motorcyclist who went from racing through the mountain trails and desert rambles of Southern California in the late 1940s to renown as the stuntman double for Steve McQueen in a 65-foot flight over a barbed-wire barrier, died Saturday in Los Angeles. He was 77 and lived in Hollywood. The death was confirmed by his daughter Susan. Though known for that spine-tingling, if not vertebrae-crunching, leap to freedom while on the run from a German P.O.W. camp in "The Great Escape" (1963) and for some dazzling car stunts as well, Mr. Ekins was far more famous among ardent bikers and weekend fans of motorcycle racing.
[New York Times]

So Long, Farewell, Auf Wiedersehen, Goodbye
Werner von Trapp, a member of the musical family made famous by the 1965 movie "The Sound of Music," has died, his family said. He was 91. Von Trapp died Thursday at his home in Waitsfield. The cause of death was not announced. The family confirmed his death, but declined to comment further. "The Sound of Music" was based loosely on a 1949 book by his stepmother, Maria von Trapp, who died in 1987. It tells the story of an Austrian woman who married a widower with seven children and teaches them music. Born in 1915 in Zell am See, Austria, von Trapp was the fourth child and second son of Captain Georg von Trapp and his first wife, Agathe Whitehead. In the movie "The Sound of Music," Werner von Trapp was depicted by the character named Kurt.
[Yahoo!]

Edwyn Owen Did Believe in Miracles. Unfortunately, His Came Playing Hockey
Edwyn Owen, who played on the 1960 team that won the first Olympic gold medal in ice hockey for the United States, was found dead Friday in a burning car near a park here. He was 71. Autopsy results released Monday said that Owen, who was known as Bob, died of smoke inhalation, thermal burns and heart disease. Investigators have not determined the cause of the fire but said part of the engine probably made accidental contact with dry grass, leading to flames that spread to the car. Owen played on the team that won the gold in Squaw Valley, Calif. He did not play professional hockey after the Olympics. He supported Topeka's minor league hockey teams over the years.
[New York Times]

You Win, Soe, you Lose Soe, Soetimes you Die
Burmese Prime Minister Soe Win has died in a military hospital after a long illness, state media said. Relatives said Gen Soe Win, 59, had been battling acute leukaemia. Since May his duties have been performed by an acting prime minister, Thein Sein. Soe Win's death comes after Burma's military launched a deadly crackdown on anti-government protesters led by the country's revered Buddhist monks. Analysts say his death is unlikely to have much impact on the aftermath.
[BBC]

Wilt Chamberlain, George Mikan -- You're 12th Man Has Arrived
Alec Kessler, a Georgia basketball star who played four seasons for the Miami Heat before becoming an orthopedic surgeon, died after collapsing during a pickup game. He was 40. He appeared to have had a heart attack Saturday in Pensacola, Fla., and was pronounced dead a short time later at Gulf Breeze Hospital, the university said Sunday. Kessler, 6-foot-11, was the captain of Georgia's 1990 Southeastern Conference championship team and became a first-round NBA draft pick. Kessler was an orthopedic surgeon in Pensacola. He graduated from Georgia with a microbiology degree and from the Emory School of Medicine in 1999.
[Yahoo!]

This Week Was Somebody's Birthday! Whose Birthday? Some Death Pool Entrants' Birthdays. How Old Are They? 1,2,3... And Never been Kissed By... Death
Happy Birthday to:
October 10: Harold Pinter (77)
October 12: Bob Sheppard (97)
October 13: Sacha Baron Cohen (36)
October 13: Margaret Thatcher (82)
October 14: John Wooden (97)
October 15: Yitzhak Shamir (92)
... And Many More!!!!!!!!

The points drought continues and, honestly, it's all your fault. The Top 5 remain...
1. El Esta Adead - 76 points (6 deaths)
2. The Ex-Parrots - 62.3 points (6 deaths)
3. Kraut's Picks - 60.9 points (8 deaths)
4. Yiz-score - 54.3 points (4 deaths)
5. Struck Down by Yahweh - 53.6 points (6 deaths)

Paris Hilton may think Stars are Blind; We light the way with TWID...
The Commissioner's Council

TWID - Man Responsible for Oppression, Degradation and Genocide of an Entire Indigenous Population Day Edition

This Week in Death brings you: This Week in Death! Below are all the notes and news to cover a week's worth of health and death. There are more health notices than a hospital, and more death than Thanksgiving. How is Farrah Fawcett this week? What's the latest on Ronnie Biggs? Which Music or TV persona - whom I have never heard of - died? (Hint: It's Ned Sherrin) In 1492, Columbus sailed the ocean blue; in 2006, the Commissioner's Council went for a dip in the Death Pool.

In honor of Columbus Day, we gave these people blankets to keep them health noticed...

His Ashes Aren't Blowing Anywhere
Weathered folk hero Bob Dylan performed to a full house at the Ryan Center on Sept. 29 - and he was in good company - joined by old pro Elvis Costello and newcomer Amos Lee. Unlike many of his peers, Dylan's still kicking: he's managed not to OD, get assassinated, or die in some other horrible, but legacy-cementing way, which makes him one of the few remaining representatives of his generation of artists.
[The Good 5¢ Cigar]

Sheppard's Voice Shows Up in October as Much as Yankees Do
Bob Sheppard, the voice of the New York Yankees, will miss the club's first-round playoff games with a bronchial infection, ending his string of 121 straight postseason contests behind the public-address microphone. Sheppard, who will turn 97 on Oct. 20, has been the announcer at Yankee Stadium for 57 seasons. He earned the nickname the "Voice of God'' for his unhurried introductions of Yankees players from Joe DiMaggio to Derek Jeter. "Doctors are monitoring my progress,'' Sheppard said in a statement. "And I am hoping to get back to Yankee Stadium to watch and announce Yankees playoff games long into October.''
[Bloomberg]

I'm Ronnie Biggs, Reminding You Kids that Crime Doesn't Pay... Not Counting the 2.6 million pounds. ♪ The More You Know ♫
Ronnie Biggs apologised yesterday for his role in The Great Train Robbery – and begged to be released from prison so he could die a free man. In a sensational letter to Government officials, the ailing 78-year-old admitted that crime does not pay, and conceded he had wasted his life. Biggs took part in the theft of £2.6million from a mail train in 1963 in which driver Jack Mills was hit over the head. Mr. Mills died seven years later from leukemia, having never recovered from the ordeal. Biggs earned his notoriety following his dramatic escape from Wandsworth Prison in 1965. Then began 30 years on the run in Australia and Brazil before his arrest in May 2001
[Daily Express]

If Our Family Was Ryan O'Neal, We'd Also Search for Alternative Approaches
Actress Farrah Fawcett and the late Coretta Scott King are among the thousands of people who have turned to alternative approaches to cancer treatment when conventional medicine has failed. It's often a last-ditch attempt to find a cure, one that brings the patient into a murky world of offshore clinics and unproven courses of treatment that are scorned by the medical establishment. "I would [tell a patient considering alternative treatment] that they are signing their own death certificate," said Barrie Cassileth, chief of the Integrative Medicine Department at the Memorial Sloan-Kettering Cancer Center. Cassileth has not treated Fawcett. "I would say they are wasting time they could otherwise spend happier and with their families."
[ABC News]

Although I think these people may have received smallpox blankets, accidentally...

Oerter in the Court; Dismissed
Al Oerter was destined to become an athlete, although he often wondered what he might have been if not for a chance meeting with a discus. "I could throw a baseball, a football or a golf ball a country mile," Oerter told the Associated Press in an interview last year. "It was just easy to throw anything." The discus great who won gold medals in four straight Olympics to become one of track and field's biggest stars in the 1950s and '60s, died Monday of heart failure, less than two weeks after his 71st birthday.
[ESPN]

The Lesson, As Always: Duke Sucks
U.S. Rep. Jo Ann Davis, R-Virginia, died Saturday after battling breast cancer, her office said. She was 57. She was first diagnosed with cancer in 2005, according to a statement from her office, and had a recurrence earlier this year. "Davis had been receiving breast cancer treatment at Duke University and just recently had received positive reports on her condition," the statement said. "However, during the last week Davis' health took a turn for the worse."
[CNN]

Harry Made Quite a Dent Using a Tricky Dick in his Southern Strategy
Harry S. Dent Jr., who helped devise the "Southern strategy" that was crucial to Richard M. Nixon's winning the White House, died on Friday in Columbia, S.C. He was 77. The cause was complications of Alzheimer's disease. When President Lyndon B. Johnson championed the Civil Rights Act of 1964 and the Voting Rights Act of 1965, some Republican strategists thought their party could reap the votes of white people uneasy with Democrats, or downright hostile to them, for advancing the cause of black people.
[New York Times]

We at TWID Salute our Forebears: TWTWTW
Broadcaster Ned Sherrin, who directed "That Was The Week That Was" news program in the early 1960s, has died of throat cancer Monday, his personal manager said. He was 76. Sherrin was proudest of his work producing and directing the British Broadcasting Corp.'s satirical show, which poked fun at current affairs and packed spoof news items between skits and songs.
[International Herald-Tribune]

This Week Was Somebody's Birthday! Whose Birthday? Some Death Pool Entrants' Birthdays. How Old Are They? 1,2,3... And Never been Kissed By... Death
Happy Birthday to:
October 3: Gore Vidal (82)
October 4: Charlton Heston (83)
October 4: Anne Rice (66)
October 4: Run Run Shaw (100)
... And Many More!!!!!!!!

Were there any points deaths this week? Well, was Columbus really a Sephardic Jew? Actually, no. The Top 5 remain...
1. El Esta Adead - 76 points (6 deaths)
2. The Ex-Parrots - 62.3 points (6 deaths)
3. Kraut's Picks - 60.9 points (8 deaths)
4. Yiz-score - 54.3 points (4 deaths)
5. Struck Down by Yahweh - 53.6 points (6 deaths)

At least we got the day off from work, though...
The Commissioner's Council

TWID - Fourth Quarter Edition

This Week in Death brings you up to date on the week's events from the glorious afterlife. While the soothing light at the end of the tunnel may be a distance away, you'll find here the relevant information to secure the emotional bond that connects man and his soon-to-be corpses. Two roads diverge in Hades but only one leads to the Death Cup.

1. Health News

Castro Latest to Come Out with Shocking Celebrity Life Tape; Claims it was Made for Personal Use
Fidel Castro looked alert and healthier during an hour-long interview taped and aired on Cuban television Friday, responding to rumors of his death with a defiant ``here I am.'' In the first video of the ailing 81-year-old revolutionary seen in more than three months, a pale Castro stayed seated the entire time, spoke slowly and softly and didn't always look the interviewer in the eye. But he appeared to be thinking clearly. Early in the interview, Castro often trailed off mid-sentence, and needed some prompting by the interviewer. He had bags under his eyes, sunken cheeks and his thin gray beard looked as wispy as ever. But he appeared to get stronger and more comfortable as time passed.
[Guardian]

He Meant Howie Mandel, Dana Perino Said
Nelson Mandela is still very much alive despite an embarrassing gaffe by U.S. President George W. Bush, who alluded to the former South African leader's death in an attempt to explain sectarian violence in Iraq. "It's out there. All we can do is reassure people, especially South Africans, that President Mandela is alive," Achmat Dangor, chief executive officer of the Nelson Mandela Foundation, said. References to his death -- Mandela is now 89 and increasingly frail -- are seen as insensitive in South Africa.
[Reuters]

Yankee Doodle - Not So Dandy
The son of Yankees owner George Steinbrenner has been elected as Chairman of the Board by the Yankees Board of Directors. That puts Hal Steinbrenner in line to one day run the team, something his father has done since the early 1970s. Hal Steinbrenner replaces Steve Swindall, who was removed as chairman after George Steinbrenner's daughter initiated divorce proceedings against him. The question of who would take over the team has been a major issue since the elder Steinbrenner's health has been in question recently.
[New York 1]

If Fawcett Leaves Earth Cast, Rumored to be Replaced by Cheryl Ladd
Former Charlie's Angels star Farrah Fawcett has suffered a relapse in her battle against cancer and plans to pursue alternative treatments in Germany, a celebrity magazine reports. "She is in Germany for therapy. She is getting informed about several treatment methods that would be possible for her," Kathrin Collins, a spokeswoman for the 60-year-old icon of the hit 1970s television series, told Germany's weekly Bunte which hits newsstands tomorrow. Bunte reported cancerous cells reappeared in her colon in May.
[The Age]

2. Death News

Benadryl Inventor Finds Death Relieves Allergy and Cold Symptoms
George Rieveschl, a chemical engineer (not a medical doctor) whom millions of sufferers of allergies, colds, rashes, hives and hay fever can thank for the relief they receive by swallowing a capsule of beta-dimethylaminoethylbenzhydryl ether hydrochloride — the antihistamine he invented and renamed Benadryl — died Thursday in Cincinnati. He was 91 and lived in Covington, Ky. The cause was pneumonia, his wife, Ellen, said.
[New York Times]

Overtime of Wirtz's Life Ends in Sudden Death
William Wirtz, the longtime owner of the Chicago Blackhawks notorious for driving a hard bargain, died Wednesday at age 77. In an announcement on the team Web site, the Blackhawks said Wirtz died at Evanston Hospital after battling cancer. Wirtz was chairman of the Board of Governors of the National Hockey League for 18 years and helped negotiate the merger of the NHL and the World Hockey Association in the late 1970's. Wirtz's stewardship of the Blackhawks was long questioned, with the criticism becoming more vociferous in recent years. Many fans blamed him for allowing too many good players to leave over the years, and for his refusal to televise most home games.
[ESPN]

Miss Moneypenny Only Lived Once, She Lived and was Let Die
Actress Lois Maxwell, who starred as Miss Moneypenny in a string of James Bond movies, has died aged 80. Maxwell starred in 14 Bond films as the secretary to M, the secret agent's boss and head of the secret service. She appeared in more movies than any of the actors who played the lead role in the spy series, including Sir Sean Connery and Sir Roger Moore. "I think it was a great disappointment to her that she had not been promoted to play M. She would have been a wonderful M."
[BBC]

Shapira Also Opposed Anatomical Concessions to Death
Rabbi Avraham Shapira, an Israeli Orthodox Jewish leader best known for urging soldiers to disobey orders to evacuate the Gaza Strip, died Thursday in Jerusalem. He was 94. Rabbi Shapira, a chief rabbi in Israel for 10 years beginning in 1983, spent much of his life fighting vigorously against territorial concessions to the Palestinians, emerging as one of the Jewish state's most divisive religious figures. In 2005, he called on observant soldiers to disobey orders to dismantle 21 Jewish settlements during Israel's withdrawal from Gaza that year. Rabbi Shapira also opposed the first Israeli-Palestinian peace accords in 1993, saying Jewish law forbade Israel from transferring holy land to the Palestinians.
[New York Times]

This Week Was Somebody's Birthday! Whose Birthday? Some Death Pool Entrants' Birthdays. How Old Are They? 1,2,3... And Never been Kissed By... Death
Happy Birthday to:
September 25: Colin Friels (55)
September 26: Emilio Navarro (102)
September 29: Jerry Lee Lewis (72)
September 30: Deborah Kerr (86)
October 1: Tom Bosley (80)
October 1: Jimmy Carter (83)
October 1: Grete Waitz (54)
... And Many More!!!!!!!!

We've entered the last quarter of the race. No points deaths this week means no change in the Top 5, who remain...
1. El Esta Adead - 76 points (6 deaths)
2. The Ex-Parrots - 62.3 points (6 deaths)
3. Kraut's Picks - 60.9 points (8 deaths)
4. Yiz-score - 54.3 points (4 deaths)
5. Struck Down by Yahweh - 53.6 points (6 deaths)

T-W-I-D And TWID Was Its Name-O,
The Commissioner's Council

TWID - Autumn Edition

This Week in Death brings you: This Week in Death! Below are all the notes and news to cover a week's worth of health and death. There are more health notices than a hospital, and more death than... well, a hospital. How is Billy Graham this week? What's the latest on Courtney Love? Which Music or TV persona - whom I have never heard of - died? (Hint: It's Alice Ghostley) Even as the Shakespearian colors of fall beset us, there's still only one way to find out...

What, my dear... are you yet living?

Ahmadinejad Hoping Nobody Needs to Impress Jodie Foster Over the Next Day
Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, facing protests and tabloid headlines calling him "evil" and a "madman," stirred debate Monday about free speech ahead of his appearance at Columbia University. The New York Daily News' front page on Monday read: "THE EVIL HAS LANDED." The New York Post called Ahmadinejad the "Madman Iran Prez" and a "guest of dishonor." Ahmadinejad's scheduled address to the U.N. General Assembly on Tuesday will be his third time attending the New York meeting in three years. His request to lay a wreath at ground zero was denied by city officials and condemned by politicians who said a visit to the site of the 2001 terror attacks would violate sacred ground.
[Houston Chronicle]

This Herman Is No Pee-Wee, but Health Rubs Him Out of Concert
Broadway composer Jerry Herman has been forced to pull out of a BBC Radio 2 gala concert celebrating his career due to bad health. The 76-year-old writer of hit shows such as Hello, Dolly! and Mack and Mabel was to fly to London from his home in LA to take part in the concert, which is taking place this Sunday. But on his doctor's advice, Herman will no longer be able to attend.
[The Stage]

Zsa Zsa Recovering; Getting Some Superfluofus Z's in the Hospital
Zsa Zsa Gabor is recovering in a US hospital after undergoing surgery for infections in her legs, her husband said. "The operation was successful, she is in recovery and in a couple of days she'll be okay," hubby Frederic Von Anhalt said in a telephone interview from Zsa Zsa's room at the Cedars-Sinai Medical Centre in Los Angeles.
[This Is Nottingham]

"This is Just a Typical Love Story... This is How it Ends"
Don't call them her drug years. Courtney Love was "out sick." It's a concept she says she got recently from friend Gwyneth Paltrow, who, along with Trudie Styler, was among a handful of friends Love says were "kind to me through thick and thin. You really know who your true friends are when you're down and out." The former Hole singer and widow of Nirvana's Kurt Cobain says she's patiently treading on a long-term trek back from her own personal hell of drug addiction, bankruptcy, identity theft and legal troubles. She has been clean and sober for three years, the singer says, "but it will be another two years before my memory is back to normal" because of her heavy drug abuse.
[USA Today]

Jesus Could Walk on Water, Billy Can Walk on Land
Evangelist Billy Graham took several walks in the hospital where he continues to recover from intestinal bleeding, his staff said. The 88-year-old also visited with family, and his walks included the longest one he has taken since he was hospitalized, a hospital spokeswoman said. Graham will continue to undergo physical therapy to build strength and condition him in preparation for going home, officials said, though there has been no date set for his discharge.
[International Herald-Tribune]

Done to Death... By Slanderous Tongue?

Ghostley Lives Up to Name; Alice off to Wonderland
Alice Ghostley, the Tony Award-winning actress best known on television for playing Esmeralda on "Bewitched" and Bernice on "Designing Women," has died. She was 81. Ghostley died Friday at her home in Studio City after a long battle with colon cancer and a series of strokes, longtime friend Jim Pinkston said. From 1969 to 1972, she played the good witch and ditzy housekeeper Esmeralda on TV's "Bewitched." She played Bernice Clifton on "Designing Women" from 1987 to 1993, for which she earned an Emmy nomination in 1992. Ghostley's film credits include "To Kill a Mockingbird," "The Graduate," "Gator" and "Grease."
[AP]

"Non!"
Marcel Marceau, who revived the art of mime and brought poetry to silence, has died, his former assistant said Sunday. He was 84. A French Jew, Marceau survived the Holocaust -- and also worked with the French Resistance to protect Jewish children. His biggest inspiration was Charlie Chaplin. Marceau, in turn, inspired countless young performers -- Michael Jackson borrowed his famous "moonwalk" from a Marceau sketch, "Walking Against the Wind." Offstage, he was famously chatty. "Never get a mime talking. He won't stop," he once said.
[CNN]

I was just Checking the Specs on the Inline of the Rotary Girder... I'm Re-dead-ed"
Jazz drummer Gordon "Specs" Powell, who recorded with Billie Holiday and played for "The Ed Sullivan Show" as part of the CBS network orchestra, has died of complications from kidney disease. He was 85. "He made sure he worked harder than anyone else, he was always prepared, he went to all of his sessions—he called them dates—in suits, impeccably dressed," said his son, Ted Smith. "It was never a bad day for him, and if it was, he wasn't going to let it show."
[Mercury News]

With All that Humbard Accomplished, Rex Still was Booed in Chicago
Rex Humbard, a guitar-strumming revival preacher who became a pioneer of television evangelism in the 1950s and remained a familiar Sunday morning presence in millions of American homes for almost half a century, died Friday. He was 88. Mr. Humbard's sermons were televised on Sundays from 1953 to 1999, reaching up to 20 million viewers, his ministry estimated. At its peak, in 1977-8, the program leased time on 378 television stations in the United States and Canada and broadcast on about 1,200 more in other countries.
[New York Times]

This Week Was Somebody's Birthday! Whose Birthday? Some Death Pool Entrants' Birthdays. How Old Are They? 1,2,3... And Never been Kissed By... Death
Happy Birthday to:
September 21: Larry Hagman (76)
September 21: Nicole Richie (26)
September 23: Mickey Rooney (87)
... And Many More!!!!!!!!

No points deaths this week means no change in the Top 5, who remain...

1. El Esta Adead - 76 points (6 deaths)
2. The Ex-Parrots - 62.3 points (6 deaths)
3. Kraut's Picks - 60.9 points (8 deaths)
4. Yiz-score - 54.3 points (4 deaths)
5. Struck Down by Yahweh - 53.6 points (6 deaths)

Parting is Such Sweet Sorrow...
The Commissioner's Council

TWID - International Talk Like a Pirate Day Edition

Ahoy! This Week in Death brin's you our latest nuggets o' treaaye. Below be all t' notes and news t' cover a half a fortnight's worth o' livin' and dyin'. There be more health than a hornpipe, and more death than land lubbers on ye high seas. How be Billy Graham this week? What's t' latest in Fidel Castro rumors? Which Music or TV bilge rat went t' Davy Jones' locker? Arr, One way t' find out, matey. Continue... If you dare...

Struck down by Yahweh took all t' booty this week from t' spoils o' James Oliver Rigney Jr , who we made walk t' plank. T' world may have known you as Swashbuckler Robert Jordan, but on t' high seas, you were always Little Jimmy Rigney. You had a beard t' make a pirate say "Arr.... " (aye, we recognize t' irony that everythin' makes us say arr)

Sick? Maybe. Scurvy? Aye. But they haven't kicked t' bucket. Well, blow me down. These people be alive

Hard to be at Death's Door When You're Too Sick to Leave Your Own House
Two senior Cuban officials said on Wednesday that Cuban leader Fidel Castro, absent from public view for more than a year, is recovering from an intestinal problem that required several operations. Cuban Culture Minister Abel Prieto said Castro was not at death's door and dismissed rumours in Miami of his demise as "wishful thinking" by exiled opponents. Prieto said he had no inside information on Castro's medical condition, but deduced from the 81-year-old leader's regular essays and columns that he is not dying.
[Reuters]

Run Run Finding it Difficult to Walk Walk, Focus Focus
Sir Run Run Shaw, accompanied by Hong Kong Chief Secretary Henry Tang, Thursday night showed up on TVB Jade, to present the annual Shaw Prize to four distinguished scientists. Walking with difficulty, Shaw seemed to be coping with deteriorating vision as well. When he presented the mathematical science award to Professor Robert Langlands of the Institute for Advanced Study in Princeton, New Jersey, he needed Tang to point him in the direction of the cameras.
[Forbes]

If They Don't Release Him Soon, He May have to Deal with O. J. as a Cellmate
Great Train Robber Ronnie Biggs's lawyer is asking for him to be freed early, it emerged yesterday. Biggs, 77, is terminally ill after a series of strokes. "As things stand, he is due for release in two years and we are asking for this date to be brought forward. He is a very old man who is dying. "He is partially paralysed, can barely walk, and has almost lost the power of speech. On compassionate grounds, he should be released to be with his family."
[Daily Record]

I Can't Believe Willie Would Disappoint All the Little Orpheums
Willie Nelson has canceled his Sept. 25 concert at the Orpheum Theatre, citing exhaustion. "We are incredibly sorry that we have to cancel this show, especially since we already postponed it once, but we wish Willie the best of health and will work hard to bring him back in the near future," said Dave Bernstein, the show's promoter. "This is highly unusual, and we sincerely appreciate the patience of all those folks that purchased tickets, as we know they are as disappointed as we are," Bernstein said.
[Sioux City Journal]

"She's Got Legs, Knows How to Use Them...Once That You Got Them, You Can Never Lose them"
Zsa Zsa Gabor, who is partially paralyzed from a 2002 car accident, was set to have surgery Tuesday for a severe infection in her legs. Gabor has been forced to use a wheelchair and walker since the auto accident, leading to infections in her legs. "She's been inactive for the last four years," John Blanchette, publicist for the 90-year-old actress said. The operation was scheduled at Cedars-Sinai Medical Center, said Blanchette.
[Yahoo!]

Yarrrgh mateys, ye've been boarded by death! We hope your voyage ends in t ' place o' pirates dreams... parrrrrradise!

Rowdy Roddy Roddick Was Piped Up for Causes
Anita Roddick, the crusading entrepreneur who used the Body Shop chain of cosmetics stores she founded to promote causes, died on Monday. She was 64. Ms. Roddick was one of Britain's most visible business executives. Working on behalf of numerous causes — the rain forest, debt relief for developing countries, indigenous farmers in impoverished nations, whales, voting rights, anti-sexism and anti-ageism, to name a few — Ms. Roddick believed that businesses could be run ethically, with what she called "moral leadership," and still turn a profit.
[New York Times]

OK, Brett, Your Turn: On September 15th, You Will _________
Actress and comedian Brett Somers, who amused game show fans with her quips on the "Match Game" in the 1970s, has died, her son said. She was 83. Somers died Saturday at her home in Westport of stomach and colon cancer, Adam Klugman said Monday. Hosted by Gene Rayburn, "Match Game" was the top game show during much of the 1970s. Contestants would try to match answers to nonsense questions with a panel of celebrities; much of the humor came from the racy quips and putdowns.
[CNN]

A Cold Front Descends on Joe Z. Pussycats Mourn
Joe Zawinul, the jazz keyboardist who soared to fame as one of the creators of jazz-rock fusion with the band Weather Report, has died, a hospital official said. He was 75. In 1970, Zawinul and saxophonist Wayne Shorter founded Weather Report and produced a series of albums including "Heavy Weather," "Black Market," "I Sing the Body Electric," and the Grammy-winning live recording "8:30." Zawinul died early Tuesday, a spokeswoman for Vienna's Wilhelmina Clinic said. He had been hospitalized since last month and suffered from a rare form of skin cancer, said Risa Zincke, his manager.
[Yahoo!]

Stepien: Cut a Hole in the Box. Alternatively, Trade Lots of Draft Picks and Fire Coaches
Former Cleveland Cavaliers owner Ted Stepien, whose propensity for trading away draft picks resulted in an NBA rule change, died Monday at his home in Willoughby Hills, Ohio. He was 82. He went through six coaches during that span, including four during the 1981-82 season - Don Delaney, Bob Kloppenburg, Chuck Daly and Bill Musselman. The team finished 15-67. Because of his habit of trading draft picks for mediocre players, the league passed the "Stepien Rule," which restricts teams from dealing future first-round selections in consecutive years. "I don't feel I failed," Stepien later said. "I rescued a bankrupt organization."
[Canadian Press]

Surprisingly, He Didn't Mention Being Proud of Narrating "Captain EO"
Percy Rodrigues, who played a neurosurgeon in the 1960s series "Peyton Place" at a time when blacks were just beginning to win roles as authority figures on television, has died. He was 89. Mr. Rodrigues died of kidney failure on Sept. 6 at his home in Indio, said his wife, Karen Cook-Rodrigues. The distinguished-looking actor with a booming voice played doctors, politicians and other authorities in dozens of movie and television appearances. Mr. Rodrigues, who also acted on Broadway, "respectfully fought for these more dignified roles," his wife told the Los Angeles Times. "He was most proud of that."
[Mercury News]

For yer birthday? A pirate's whistle o' a tune for ye' (sung to t' tune o' "Blow the Man Down"):

Ye know it be yer fault we're singin' this way,
Yo! Ho! It be yer fault!
1st mate: For had we not known it be Pirate Talk Day
All: We'd be a singin' Happy Birthday!

And so we be gather'd, yer chums and ye kin
All: "Thank ye, Mates fer lettin' us in."
1st mate: to celebrate with ye for a-nother year
All: Lift up yer mugs and give 'em a cheer!

The candles be meltin' all over the cake
All: Give 'em some time to blow them all out!
1st mate: Ye better start puffin' befur it's too late!
All: Now be th' time to blow them all out! Now be the time to blow them all out.

Happy Birthday to:
September 16: Lauren Bacall (83)
September 16: Peter Falk (80)
September 16: Phyllis A. Whitney (82)
September 18: Robert Blake (74)
... And Many More!!!!!!!!

Robert Jordan did many thin's in his life, but in death he does one more: boots Die Hard from t' Top 5, puttin' Struck Down by Yahweh thar instead. Hold down t' wind sails, Die Hard, we're almost in t' home stretch...

1. El Esta Adead - 76 points (6 deaths)
2. The Ex-Parrots - 62.3 points (6 deaths)
3. Kraut's Picks - 60.9 points (8 deaths)
4. Yiz-score - 54.3 points (4 deaths)
5. Struck Down by Yahweh - 53.6 points (6 deaths)

We're shovin' off buckos,
T' Commissioner's Council

TWID - September 11th Edition

This Week in Death brings you: This Week in Death! Below are all the notes and news to cover a week's worth of health and death. There are more health notices than a hospital, and more death than... well, a hospital. How is Billy Graham this week? What's the latest in baseless Fidel Castro rumors? Which Music or TV persona - whom I have never heard of - died? One way to find out...

We said goodbye to Luciano Pavarotti this week. But we said it in a beautiful, alto tone. Our condolences to Domingo and the other guy. We also wished farewell to Jane Wyman. Jane, Jane gone away, will not come again, another day

Health is part of a balanced breakfast...

Bin Laden' Beard Back in Black, Alive and Not Hearing Hell's Bells
Western intelligence agencies were last night studying a personal message from Osama bin Laden, in which he apparently tells Americans they must convert to Islam if they want the war in Iraq to end. A short excerpt of the video, shown yesterday on Al-Jazeera television, appears to show bin Laden in good health. Most noticeably, his beard appears trimmed and almost entirely black. In previous images, it is gray.
[The Scotsman]

Pleshette Rid of All Those Little Cancerous Lumps, Still Has Lovely Lady Humps. Her Humps Her Humps Her Humps.

Suzanne Pleshette is very much alive, and ever her saucy self. "I'm cancer-free, my (breasts) are great and ... I'm extremely, extremely rich," she responded to a question from The Associated Press, generating howls of laughter from a packed audience. Early into the panel discussion, Pleshette noted, "I could have dropped dead. There are three doctors who kept me alive, just for tonight."
[Yahoo!]

When Life Gives Willie Nelson Aid, He Makes Farm Aid
The four musical members of the Farm Aid board (Dave Matthews, John Mellencamp, Neil Young and Willie Nelson) closed out the night. Before launching into "Homegrown," Neil Young slyly said the song "used to be about one thing now it's about another." Translation: the song was written about the glory of growing your own marijuana, but it's now about the glory of organic food grown on family farms. Willie Nelson — who knows a thing or two about both subjects — sat in on guitar.
[Rolling Stone]

Death, on the other hand, is just part of breaking you. Fast...

As the Saying Goes: Sometimes Gillmor is Less...Alive
Ohio Rep. Paul Gillmor was found dead in his apartment Wednesday, a Republican leadership aide said. The aide said the body of the 68-year-old Republican was found by staff members who went to his apartment after he failed to show up for work. There was no immediate word on the cause of his death. Gillmor's office did not respond to a reporter's call.
[CNN]

Blood Clot Means One Thing: Jennifer is D-U-N-N, Dunn
Former Rep. Jennifer Dunn, who became the most powerful Republican woman in Washington state history during six terms representing Seattle's east-side suburbs, died Wednesday after developing a blood clot in her Virginia apartment, her family said. She was 66. Dunn was known for her work on tax issues, promoting women-owned businesses and sponsoring the Amber Alert bill for locating missing children.
[New York Times]

I Know You're the Big Money Expert. Oh I'm Sorry, I Forgot, You're Dead... I'm Sorry, That Was 100% Inappropriate...
Wall Street big shot Seth Tobias was mysteriously found dead yesterday in the swimming pool of his Florida mansion, police said. Tobias' wife found the well-regarded CNBC commentator's body about 1 a.m., floating facedown in his pool in an exclusive section of Jupiter, Fla., near Palm Beach. Cops said an autopsy would be performed to determine how the brash moneyman died. "It's unusual because of his age," Pascarella said of the 44-year-old.
[NY Daily News]

Female Elvis Has Left the Building
Janis Martin, who was billed as the Female Elvis in the 1950s, died Monday (Sept. 3) from complications of cancer. She was 67. Regarded as the first female rockabilly singer, Martin was discovered as a teenager by RCA executive Steve Sholes, and in 1956 she recorded in Nashville with Chet Atkins. Her first single, "Will You, Willyum," launched her pop music career and led to several high-profile TV appearances, but she retired within a few years to raise a family. At the time of her death, she was still a popular draw in Europe and had several rockabilly festival dates booked.
[Country Music Television]

Miyoshi Says Sayonarra, Will Be Mourned by Mitoad and Mibowzer
Miyoshi Umeki, 78, a Japanese-born singer and actress who became the first Asian performer to win an Academy Award -- for "Sayonara" (1957) -- and who played a housekeeper on the TV series "The Courtship of Eddie's Father," died Aug. 28 at the Licking Park Manor nursing home in Licking, Mo. She had cancer.
[Washington Post]

This Week Was Somebody's Birthday! Whose Birthday? Some Death Pool Entrants' Birthdays. How Old Are They? 1,2,3... And Never been Kissed By... Death
Happy Birthday to:
September 7: Michael E. DeBakey (99)
September 8: Sid Caesar (85)
September 9: Phyllis A. Whitney (104)
September 10: Arnold Palmer (78)
September 11: Bashar al-Assad (42)
... And Many More!!!!!!!!

Pavarotti's death this week helps the 2nd and 3rd-place teams close in on the leader, but there is no change in the Top 5, who remain...

1. El Esta Adead - 76 points (6 deaths)
2. The Ex-Parrots - 62.3 points (6 deaths)
3. Kraut's Picks - 60.9 points (8 deaths)
4. Yiz-score - 54.3 points (4 deaths)
5. Die Hard - 48.3 points (4 deaths)

TWID, Nutritious as always.. Now with more fiber!
The Commissioner's Council

TWID - Labor Day Edition

This Week in Death brings you: This Week in Death! Below are all the notes and news to cover a week's worth of health and death. There are more health notices than a hospital, and more death than... well, a hospital. How is Billy Graham this week? What's the latest in baseless Fidel Castro rumors? Which Music or TV persona - whom I have never heard of - died? One way to find out...

Life was points-less this week. As always, health comes first. Eddie Vedder said it best, "Is something wrong, she said. Well of course there is. You're still alive, she said..."

Tim-ber! Johnson Falls Back Into Senate Seat
Sen. Tim Johnson, a Democrat who has been recovering from brain surgery since December, plans to return to his Senate office on September 5, his office said on Wednesday. Johnson will be in his home state of South Dakota for the next few days before returning to Washington and he "plans to be in his Senate office and on the Senate floor on Wednesday, September 5th," according to his office.
[Reuters]

Back to Home, Back to Home. Billy's Got his Lunch Packed Up and His Boots Tied Tight, I Hope He Doesn't Get in a Fight. Seriously, It Would Kill Him
Evangelist Billy Graham may be able to return home this week from the hospital where he has been treated for more than a week for intestinal bleeding, doctors said Wednesday. Graham, 88, is continuing his program of exercise, physical therapy and full meals to rebuild his strength, said Merrill Gregory, a spokeswoman for Mission Health & Hospitals in Asheville.
[Washington Post]

Much Like Lindsay Lohan, Bouteflika Tired of Rumors Starting, Tired of Being Followed. Why Can't We Just Let Him Live?
President Abdelaziz Bouteflika said Tuesday he was upset vis-à-vis the rumours on "his health deterioration". While visiting Sheikh Yossef Al Qaradaoui in Ain Naadja military hospital, the President seemed as if complaining as he was telling him: "I wish I could visit you the day you've been sent to hospital, but I decided to postpone the visit to avoid speculations about my alleged illness."
[El Khabar]

Fidel Fit? Finding Facts Feels Futile
There is no reason to believe that Cuban President Fidel Castro's life is in danger as he convalesces, Culture Minister Abel Prieto said late on Friday. The statement came amid a wave of rumours, especially among the Cuban-American community in Florida, that Cuba's long-time communist leader, who has not been seen in public since undergoing surgery over a year ago, is either dead or on his deathbed. "I have no element that leads me to believe that the life of Fidel is in danger," Prieto told reporters.
[iafrica.com]

Death? Eddie Vedder said it best, "I'm gone, Long gone, This time I'm letting go of it all, So long, This time I'm gone"

Gardner's Heart Shaken; Won't Stir
John Gardner, a prolific British thriller writer who wrote more novels about Bond — James Bond — than Ian Fleming did, died on Aug. 3 after collapsing near his home in Basingstoke, England. He was 80. The cause was heart failure, said his daughter Alexis Walmsley. Mr. Gardner wrote four dozen books in a career of more than 40 years. He was best known for the 14 Bond novels he wrote in the 1980s and '90s, which officially continued the work of Bond's creator, Fleming.
[New York Times]

No Use Crying Over Shattered Kristal; Hilly is Cold, Buried, Gone, Bye
Hilly Kristal, who founded CBGB, the Bowery bar that became the cradle of punk and art-rock in New York in the 1970s and served as the inspiration for musician-friendly rock dives throughout the world, died in Manhattan on Tuesday. He was 75. From its opening in late 1973, when Mr. Kristal, a lover of acoustic music, gave the club its name, an abbreviation of the kinds of music he originally intended to feature there — country, bluegrass and blues, CBGB presented thousands of bands within its eternally crumbling, flyer-encrusted walls.
[New York Times]

Richard - A Jewell of a Man. A Gem of a Person. A Diamond in the Rough. A Sapph--- OK, We're Good Now. Sorry About That
Richard A. Jewell, whose transformation from heroic security guard to Olympic bombing suspect and back again came to symbolize the excesses of law enforcement and the news media, died Wednesday at his home in Woodbury, Ga. He was 44. Mr. Jewell died of natural causes and that he had battled serious medical problems since learning he had diabetes in February.
[New York Times]

♫ No.... one... dies like Gaston ♫
Gaston Thorn, former prime minister of Luxembourg and president of the European Commission, died Sunday. He was 78. A longtime politician and businessman, Mr. Thorn led the government in the tiny Grand Duchy of Luxembourg from 1974 to 1979. He was known as a strong advocate of European integration.
[New York Times]

Nautilus's Mr. Jones Tells Fairy Tales and Stares at (and Marries) Beautiful Women
Arthur Jones, a wild-animal enthusiast, filmmaker and entrepreneur whose Nautilus fitness machines helped to transform the fitness industry and the way ordinary people exercise, died on Tuesday at his home in Ocala, Fla. He was 80. Mr. Jones died of natural causes, his son William Edgar Jones said. Mr. Jones was a rough-and-tumble character who had six wives, a nearly lifelong smoking habit and an affection for exotic animals like rattlesnakes and crocodiles, which he kept at his farm, the younger Mr. Jones said.
[New York Times]

This Week Was Somebody's Birthday! Whose Birthday? Some Death Pool Entrants' Birthdays. How Old Are They? 1,2,3... And Never been Kissed By... Death
Happy Birthday to:
August 30: Rich Cronin (32)
September 2: Meinhardt Raabe (92)
... And Many More!!!!!!!!

No points deaths this week means no change in the Top 5, who remain...

1. El Esta Adead - 76 points (6 deaths)
2. The Ex-Parrots - 58.5 points (5 deaths)
3. Kraut's Picks - 57.1 points (7 deaths)
4. Yiz-score - 54.3 points (4 deaths)
5. Die Hard - 46 points (4 deaths)

Eddie Vedder said it best again, "Can't find a better TWID"...
The Commissioner's Council

TWID - Dog Days of August Edition

Seldom a day late but never a dollar short, This Week in Death brings you: An ocean of news rivaled only by the Midwest floods in volume. Don't worry, we promise not to flood your basement, only your inbox. Take one more trip with us down to the beach. For the last week of summer, get those floaties and beach balls inflated and your swim trunks on. Don't forget to bring a towel! Last one in is a rotting corpse!

" Life is for Living," says Coldplay. "Health is for Updates" says TWID...

Graham's Golden Ages Crumbling, Can Soon Ask God "How Do You Cram All That Me?"
Evangelist Billy Graham experienced a third intestinal bleed Wednesday, but doctors say he remains in fair condition. Physicians plan more definitive tests to determine the cause and source of the bleeds. Graham, 88, has been hospitalized since an initial bleed Saturday.Graham, who suffers from a variety of ailments including Parkinson's disease and age-related macular degeneration, has been largely confined to his home in recent years.
http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,294136,00.html

Pavaroti Departs Modena, Too Sick to Journey to Mecca?
Ailing Italian opera star Luciano Pavarotti has been discharged from hospital in northern Modena where he was admitted more than two weeks ago with a fever, the hospital said on Saturday. Pavarotti will "be able to continue to convalesce in the serenity of his family surroundings, where he can count on the close collaboration of the doctors of the Department of Oncology and Haematology," it said.
http://www.news24.com/News24/Entertainment/Celebrities/0,,2-1225-2108_2171113,00.html

Castro joins Tupac, Biggie, and Cobain as (Possibly) Posthumous Publisher
Fidel Castro signed a lengthy essay published Sunday saluting a Cuban political figure but the 81-year-old gave no hint of how he is feeling, even amid rampant rumors of his death. Castro has not been seen in public in over a year and has not even appeared in official photographs or video footage since taping an interview with Cuban state television June 5.
http://www.cnn.com/2007/WORLD/americas/08/26/cuba.castro.ap/index.html

Is it Because We Suck at Soccer?
Former Argentine soccer star Diego Maradona on Sunday said he hates the United States "with all my strength" during an appearance on Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez's weekly television show. The leftist soccer legend, like the fiercely anti-U.S. Chavez, is a close ally of Cuba's Fidel Castro.
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2007/08/19/AR2007081900996.html

Comatose Sharon: "Consider me an Object;" No Word on if He'll be Hanging Upside Down or Where he Will Swing
Former Israeli Prime Minister Ariel Sharon remains comatose and attached to a respirator nearly two years after a devastating stroke, a spokesman for Sheba Medical Center near Tel Aviv said Sunday. "There is no change in his condition," hospital spokesman David Weinberg said. Sharon, 79, was transferred to Sheba's long-term respiratory rehabilitation unit in July 2006 from Hadassah Hospital in Jerusalem, which treated him after his stroke in January of that year.
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2007/08/26/AR2007082600527.html

"Death is Point(s)less"...

Griffin's Crash Scene More Gruesome to Watch than Deuce Bigalow - Norbit Double Feature
Former Minnesota Timberwolves forward Eddie Griffin died last week when his sport utility vehicle collided with a freight train in a fiery crash, the Harris County medical examiner's office said Tuesday. Investigators used dental records to identify Griffin, 25, who was waived by the Timberwolves in March."The cause of death and manner of death, which also includes toxicology results, is pending," said Beverly Begay, chief investigator for the Harris County Medical Examiner's office.
http://sports.espn.go.com/nba/news/story?id=2985307

Too Many Brewskies for Brewster, Too Much Live for His Liver
Daniel Baugh Brewster, 83, a decorated Marine Corps veteran and former Democratic U.S. senator from Maryland whose career was shadowed by alcoholism and a charge of accepting an illegal gratuity, died Aug. 19 of liver cancer at his home in Owings Mills, Md. "He served his country in war and in peace. Although brought low by alcoholism, he overcame that illness to lead a successful and productive life," Steny Hoyer said in a statement.
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2007/08/20/AR2007082001813.html

A TWID Haiku: Beloved Poet, And World Famous Novelist. Say Goodnight Gracie.
Poet and short story writer Grace Paley, a literary eminence and old-fashioned rebel who described herself as a "combative pacifist," has died. She was 84. A published writer since the 1950s, Paley released only a handful of books over the next half century, mostly short stories and poems. Her fiction, although highly praised, competed for time with work, activism, family and friends. "None of it happened, and yet every word of it is true," she once said of her fiction.
http://www.cnn.com/2007/SHOWBIZ/books/08/23/obit.paley.ap/

This is the Sound of Settling: Death Cab for Betty
Betty Matas, the Queens woman who made national headlines in April when she and her husband took a cross-country taxi ride to their new retirement home in Sedona, Ariz., died on Monday in Cottonwood, Ariz. She was 75. Betty and Bob Matas hired a New York cabdriver, Douglas Guldeniz, to drive them the 2,500 miles to Sedona to spare their two cats a trip in an airplane cargo hold. Both of the Matases had spent their lives in the New York area, and neither had ever learned to drive.
http://www.nytimes.com/2007/08/23/nyregion/23matas.html

"Go Sox Go, Go Sox Go! Hey Chicago What Do You Say? Sox are Gonna Die Today!"
Charles Albert "Chuck" Comiskey II, grandson and namesake of the Chicago White Sox founder and a former front-office executive and co-owner during the "Go Go Sox" years in the 1950s, has died. He was 81. While his family name is one of the best-known in Chicago sports history, Comiskey left his own mark in helping to successfully remake the team en route to its first American League pennant in 40 years in 1959.
http://sports.espn.go.com/mlb/news/story?id=2993932


This Week Was Somebody's Birthday! Whose Birthday? Some Death Pool Entrants' Birthdays. How Old Are They? 1,2,3... And Never been Kissed By... Death

Happy Birthday to:
August 22: Ray Bradbury (87)
August 25: Sean Connery (77)
August 25: Van Johnson (91)
... And Many More!!!!!!!!

Back by popular demand, the Commissioner's Council proudly brings you "Skinny Dipping," a weekly glance at some of the goings-on in the Pool. Columns will feature a more in-depth look at some of the squads and picks. To comment on this feature, or suggest an idea for "Skinny Dipping," feel free to send an email our way.

Every week, TWID publishes the Top 5 leaders in the standings. Two numbers are listed alongside the team names: the points total, and the number of deaths recorded to date. While the winner of the pool is obviously the one who scores the most points, picking a high number of deaths should certainly be acknowledged. To date, Kraut's Picks, currently 3rd in points, has the highest number of points deaths, with 7. Following him with 6 deaths each are points leader El Esta Adead , Go to Hell (7th in points), Life's a Bitch (8th), and Mine are the Deadest (12th). That's right - the 1st-place team and 12th-place team have recorded the same amount of deaths. The difference is El Esta Adead's deaths include one solo shot for 20 and a pair of 15-pointers. Mine are the Deadest's largest score was 15, and the next-highest score was 7.5. Meanwhile a pair of teams with 4 deaths recorded are 4th and 5th in the standings. Points per death, as determined by popularity of the pick, obviously plays a huge role in the standings, something worth thinking about as DP 2007 heads into the fall stretch and DP 2008 preparations begin.

No points deaths this week means no change in the Top 5, who remain...

1. El Esta Adead - 76 points (6 deaths)
2. The Ex-Parrots - 58.5 points (5 deaths)
3. Kraut's Picks - 57.1 points (7 deaths)
4. Yiz-score - 54.3 points (4 deaths)
5. Die Hard - 46 points (4 deaths)


Will people continue to die? Will TWID continue to come up with funny headlines for them??? Tune in next week — same Death-time, same Death-channel!
The Commissioner's Council