Jailhouse Crack

Maybe this guy just saw the "Shawshank Redemption" and really really really didn't want to meet the sisters. Maybe, like George Michael Bluth, he watched "Oz" by accident as a child thinking it was "The Wizard of Oz." All I can tell you is that this mean really didn't want to go to jail. That's the only way to explain swallowing a plastic bag full of crack cocaine.

Speaking of places you may not want to visit, we present you today's first birthday...

Today is somebody's Birthday! Whose Birthday? Accused War Criminal John Demjanjuk's Birthday. How Old Is He? 1,2,3,4... 88! And Never been Kissed By... Death

John Demjanjuk's name appears on "BestDeathPoolRosterEver.BlogSpot.Com's"and "Genesis 6:7's" rosters

• Demjanjuk's American citizenship has been revoked. He is appealing. If Demjanjuk loses all appeals, he would remain in the United States if no other country is willing to accept him. This is a likely outcome, according to his attorneys, since European countries are reluctant to accept the aged and infamous. In that case, Demjanjuk would become a stateless alien and would lose all Social Security benefits.

Well I'm going to lose all my Social Security too and I didn't even commit any war crimes.

Today is somebody else's Birthday! Whose Birthday? Actress Doris Day's Birthday. How Old Is She? 1,2,3,4... 84! And Never been Kissed By... Death

Doris Day's name appears on "Remains to Be Seen's" and "Do Not Resuscitate's" rosters

• Day is known for her interest in animal welfare. For many decades she has stopped her car on Los Angeles freeways when she saw an abandoned, stray, or hit animal.

LA doesn't have enough traffic as is. Thank you Doris Day for creating more. A dead squirrel is well worth it.

Today is somebody else's else's Birthday! Whose Birthday? Singer and Entertainer Wayne Newton's Birthday. How Old Is He? 1,2,3,4... 66! And Never been Kissed By... Death

Wayne Newton's name appears on "Extended Weekend at Bernie's" roster

• Newton was featured on the 2007 fall season of "Dancing with the Stars" partnered with Two Time Champion Cheryl Burke. He became the third contestant to be eliminated from the contest. He also received the all-time worst score in the Tango.

In his case, I guess it takes more than two to tango.

... And Many More!

UCLA Seals Leak in Farrah Fawcett File

Oops...they did it again.

Months after word came out that UCLA Medical Center staff has been snooping through Britney Spears' medical files, we now find out that this was not an isolated incident geared at the pop star's file. It turns out that Farrah Fawcett's medical charts had been improperly perused. This breach may have led to information being leat or sold to tabloids.

Shortly after UCLA doctors told Fawcett that her cancer had returned -- and before she had told her son and closest friends -- the National Enquirer posted the news on its website. Indeed, alarming headlines regularly cropped up in the Enquirer and its sister publication, the Globe, within days of Fawcett's treatments at UCLA.

UCLA terminated the employee who inappropriately reviewed Fawcett's records, according to a person familiar with the matter who spoke on condition of anonymity. This was the second time that Fawcett's privacy had been breached at UCLA. In a 2006 letter, one of her physicians, Gary Gitnick, informed Fawcett that a former hospital contractor had listed her name on his blog, "suggesting you are a patient and/or charitable donor of mine and UCLA."

This worker who was not involved in Fawcett's care had been discovered to be reading about her treatment. However, the hospital claims that it found no evidence that indictaed the worker has told the tabloids about Fawcett's stay at the hospital. Fawcett remains wary.

"She's been invaded -- and these are the people who she entrusted her life to," said Craig J. Nevius, who is producing the upcoming documentary "A Wing and a Prayer," which chronicles Fawcett's battle with anal cancer and her efforts to protect her privacy.

One of Fawcett's lawyers, Kim Swartz, said his client was reluctant to sue over the leaked information, but added, "This is such an ugly situation...This has been very hard for her," Swartz said. "Not knowing who has her personal information has taken an incredible toll on her."

Might we suggest a new slogan for UCLA Medical Center? Scaring sex symbols away so you can enjoy your stay.

[Los Angeles Times]

Big McElwaine Chomped by Cancer

Guy McElwaine, who was intermittently a Hollywood agent and a studio executive during his illustrious career, has died of pancreatic cancer at the age of 71.

As an agent, he represented Frank Sinatra, Warren Beatty, Steven Spielberg, and The Mamas and The Papas, amongst others. In his role as studio head, he stood behind a large variety of movies, ranging from the epic (“Ghandi”) to the inane (“Georgia Rule,” “Two for the Money”), through the dramatic (“Dog Day Afternoon,” “The Good Shepherd,” “All the President’s Men”), and the best movies ever made (“Ghostbusters,” “The Karate Kid”).

"He had a great eye for talent," ICM chairman Jeff Berg told Variety. "He was able to successfully traverse being an agent and being a studio executive. He was a wonderful colleague."

The man who brought us Daniel-san has finally been waxed off. Pancreatic Cancer, like Johnny, listened to Kreese when he told it to sweep the leg. In true Cobra Kai fashion, pancreatic cancer shows NO MERCY!

[Yahoo! News]

Miss Great Britton Reaches (for) the Stars

Sherry Britton, a brainy, sexy stripper who was the queen of Broadway burlesque in her 20s, was barred from the World's Fair in her 40s and graduated from college in her 60s, has died. Britton, dubbed Great Britton and once made an honorary brigadier general by President Roosevelt for her work entertaining World War II troops, died Tuesday in Beth Israel Hospital of natural causes. She was 89.

"She had an IQ of 165, lived on Gramercy Park and aged gracefully," said a cousin, Karen Britton.

The irrepressible Britton was singled out in a recent HBO documentary as "among the most stunning of yesterday's burlesque stars..."She had 'jet black hair and an hourglass figure to die for.'"

When the sand ran out inside this hourglass figure, it was time to die.

[New York Daily News]

No Sleep Till Brooklyn...Cemetery

Is it time for us to re-reconsider The Anna Nicole Smith Corollary? The ANS (Anna Nicole Smith) Corollary states that when a star's life is spiraling out of control, s/he is often as safe a pick as an elderly selection.

The question to further examine is “why does this happen?” Off the cuff – we would have assumed it was due to public pressures, drugs usage, partying, Paris Hilton, etc. But one LA Times contributor, Gayle Greene, suggests that it may stem from something much more basic: Insomnia. Is it possible that these celebrities are drugging themselves to death in an eternal battle against the Sand Man?

Let’s start with the founder of The ANS Corollary, Anna Nicole Smith. Greene suggests that she may have been X’d in a search for Z’s:

Anna Nicole Smith? Chloral hydrate, again. She told friends she'd built up a tolerance to it; she would have needed more to get the same effect. She was obviously mixing it with other medications -- there were four benzodiazepines in her bloodstream: Valium, Serax, Ativan and Klonopin, in addition to an antihistamine and a GABA agonist -- all of which can be taken for sleep. (emphasis ours)

Other potential sleep victims, suggested by Greene:

• Heath Ledger
• Elvis Presley
• Judy Garland
• Marilyn Monroe (the grandmother of The ANS Corollary-?)

If Greene is right, and her theory is at least interesting enough to keep us awake, may we suggest a few other candidates to watch out for:

• KISS – they want to rock and roll all night. Insomnia?
• Tyler Durden- Need I remind you?
• New York City – The city that never sleeps. Never???
• And of course…
  

Jessie Spano. Maybe this is all a case of celebrities getting so excited, that they get so scared.

[LA Times]

Cleopatra and the Scary Snake Mystery

Being that it's April Fools' Day, it seems only fitting to debunk some myths about the way some famous people died. Mama Cass by way of a sandwich? Hardly. How about Cleopatra? That thing about the snake...is it true?

Popular lore holds that in Cleopatra's last moments, the distraught queen -- who had just lost her kingdom and learned of her lover's demise -- smuggled a poisonous snake into her locked chamber and died, along with two ladies-in-waiting, of a self-inflicted snake bite.

Such a scenario is next to impossible, according to Egyptologist Joyce Tyldesley, who shatters the "snakebite suicide" myth in her new book, Cleopatra: Last Queen of Egypt, just published in Europe and slated for an upcoming U.S. release. "It seems to me that the snake theory is just too difficult to sustain, as it leaves too many loopholes," Tyldesley said.

Tyldesley acknowledges that portion sof the story are likely to be true, but there are other ways that Cleopatra could have committed suicide if that was her intention. The myth probably got started because Cleopatra died without a prior illness.

So how did Cleopatra really die? There are other theories. Some say it was self-administered poison; others believe that she was murdered by Octavian.

Popular legend also states that in 31 BC when she saw that Mark Antony's poorly equipped and manned ships were losing to the Romans' superior vessels, Cleopatra took flight and that Antony followed her. We can't help but wonder if this flight led to this contemporary retelling of the historic event

[Phoenix New Times]
[Discovery News]

Music Plays on for Hank Williams' Family

Hank Williams was just 29 when he passed away in 1953. The Country Music Hall of Fame and Museum in Nashville is now opening a special exhibit to honor Williams' legacy. The Family Tradition: The Williams Family Legacy features personal items from the life of Williams and his family. It will remain open until the end of next year.

Especially noteworthy is the reproduction of the note that was found in Hank's right hand when he died. No one knows whether it was actually a note or scribbled song lyrics. It reads, "We met, we lived, and dear we loved, then comes that fatal day, the love that felt so dear fades far away. Tonight love hathe [sic] one alone and lonesome, all that I could sing, I you you [sic] still and always will, but that's the poison we have to pay."

We aren't sure either what exactly these words are supposed to be. But Williams was known to mix the serious with the humorous, as evidenced by his number one hit, "I'll Never Get Out of This World Alive," sung here by his grandson, Hank III. And the beat goes on...

[CMT.com]

A Hobby that Involves the Pursuit of Grave-ness

Stew Thornley has an interesting hobby. He's a "graveyard hunter." His own death is even a source for material, as he and his wife have posed in front of his future grave for their holiday cards. He got started with his hobby after visiting some famous graves a decade ago.

Thornley, a 52-year-old Roseville resident, has nurtured a preoccupation with "grave hunting" or "grave surfing" since 1997, when he and a friend visited the graves of President Benjamin Harrison and gangster John Dillinger in Indianapolis.

Since then, he has photographed hundreds of graves, including those of every buried U.S. president, vice president, Minnesota governor and practically all of the 200-plus Baseball Hall-of-Famers. He's also visited the sites of a slew of Civil War generals, movie stars and other celebrities - even victims of Charles Manson.

Thornley published a book dedicated to the graves of Minnesota's most famous' graves and is considering putting together another one on the resting places of well-known ex-baseball players. You might expect that someone who has spent so much time visiting these graves of the famous fallen would have some sort of emotional or philosophical connection to the deceased. You'd be wrong.

When visiting the grave of a celebrity, he said, "I've never really felt I'm connecting with greatness. It doesn't stir any emotions. It's just empty remains."

He views his own plot with no great reflection, either. He just admires gravestones the way one admires architecture, and he talks about good graveyards the way one describes fine parks.

As long as Thornley sticks to admiring the gravestones' architecture and not the texture of those buried underneath, we think this hobby toes the better side of the line between fascinating and creepy.

Look here for more celebrity grave locations.

[Dickinson Press]

Dith Pancreatic Canther Really Thuckth

Dith Pran, the Cambodian-born journalist whose harrowing tale of enslavement and eventual escape from that country's murderous Khmer Rouge revolutionaries in 1979 became the subject of the award-winning film "The Killing Fields," died Sunday. He was 65.

Dith died at a New Jersey hospital Sunday morning of pancreatic cancer, according to Sydney Schanberg, his former colleague at The New York Times. Dith had been diagnosed almost three months ago.

Dith was working as an interpreter and assistant for Schanberg in Phnom Penh, the Cambodian capital, when the Vietnam War reached its chaotic end in April 1975 and both countries were taken over by Communist forces... It was Dith himself who coined the term "killing fields" for the horrifying clusters of corpses and skeletal remains of victims he encountered on his desperate journey to freedom.

Regarding the Death of Dith (too easy? Should that have been the headline?), New York Times executive editor called him "a journalist and hero," adding, "that last word is not one I use lightly."

[IHT]

Roger Ebert 2: Return to the Silent Battle

To review: Roger Ebert had surgery earlier this year. His hope was always to return to the movies. Now he's letting his readers know when to expect him back in the grandstand.

I am at last returning to the movie beat. After my current stay at the Rehabilitation Institute of Chicago, I’m looking forward to opening night of my annual film festival at the University of Illinois on April 23, and I will resume writing movie reviews shortly thereafter.

Are you as bored with my health as I am? I underwent a third surgery in January, this one in Houston, and once again there were complications. I am sorry to say that my ability to speak was not restored. That would require another surgery.

So we'll see a return to the era of silent film reviews.

[Chicago Sun-Times]

Dickinson's Bill Passes With Some Resistance

A longtime aide to former U.S. Rep. Bill Dickinson says the retired congressman has died after an extended illness. Walter Bamberg told WSFA that Dickinson passed away at his home in Montgomery. He was 83. Dickinson, a former judge in the city, juvenile and circuit courts in Opelika, was elected to Congress in 1964. He retired in 1992 after 13 consecutive terms in office.

Dickinson helped shape the national defense policies during the 1970s and 80s. Once he reached his eighties, however, Dickinson's line of defense against illness proved to be a bit weaker.

[Al.com]

Jules Dassin is Blacklisted Once and For All

Scoring Update! The points change, death remains the same...

US film-maker Jules Dassin, a victim of the 1950s anti-communist witch-hunts, died Monday in Athens at the age of 96, hospital sources said. Dassin, who settled in Greece and was married to screen icon Melina Mercouri, died of complications after catching flu, said the hospital.

Congratulations and 18 points each awarded to Live Free or Die Hard and Whoaa-ooah, Dying on the Edge. The Rosters and Standings have been updated.

[AFP]

Ruling Finds That Princess Diana Died from Natural Car-ses

The coroner at the inquest into the death of Britain's Princess Diana in a car crash said on Monday there was no evidence that Queen Elizabeth's husband, the Duke of Edinburgh, had "ordered Diana's execution." Diana died in a car crash in Paris in 1997 along with Dodi al-Fayed, whose father Mohamed al-Fayed has accused Prince Philip, Diana's father-in-law, of being behind her death.

[A]fter almost six months listening to more than 250 witnesses, Lord Justice Scott Baker told the jury in his summing up: "There is no evidence that the Duke of Edinburgh ordered Diana's execution and there is no evidence that the security intelligence service or any other government agency organized it."

The inquest was delayed for 10 years because Britain had to wait for the French legal process and then a British police investigation to run their course before it could begin. Both police inquiries decided it was a tragic accident because chauffeur Henri Paul was drunk and driving too fast.

It sounds to us like the Princess and Dodi were a modern-day Romeo and Juliet...

[Reuters]

The Earl Of Campbell Cordially Celebrates

Can all non-Nebraskan death row members come back at the italics? Thanks. To the rest of you: Hey inmate guys...I'm afraid I have some bad news. Um, the Nebraska state Supreme Court and I were talking, and...2 things- 1) Thursday's is no longer going to be strawberry ice cream day in the cafeteria and 2) Nebraska is still going to use the electric chair to kill you. I know, I know. I am not thrilled either. But hey... you can still request strawberry ice cream for your final meal. Cheer up, ok?

Today is somebody's Birthday! Whose Birthday? Former NFL Running Back Earl Campbell's Birthday. How Old Is He? 1,2,3,4... 53! And Never been Kissed By... Death

Earl Campbell's name appears on "It's Always Sunny in Philadeadphia's" roster

• Earl Campbell's nickname is "The Tyler Rose," a reference to his hometown of Tyler, Texas which is known as the "Rose Capital of America" for its prominent place in the rose-growing industry.

That is of course, not to be confused with "The Rose Tile," available at fine tiling outlets and emporiums near you.

≠

Australian Gothic

I don't want to sound macabre or anything but I just think it's ironic that someone dressed "goth" and more than likely obsessed with death, was murdered. Leave it to Australia for weird deaths.

I'd be afraid if I were today's birthday boy. Maybe someone in Australia doesn't like names that you can't pronounce.

Today is somebody's Birthday! Whose Birthday? Former National Security Advisor Zbigniew "Can I buy a vowel" Brzezinski's Birthday. How Old Is He? 1,2,3,4... 80! And Never been Kissed By... Death

Zbigniew Brzezinski's name appears on "Deep Sleepers'" roster

• Brzezinski was criticized widely in the press and became the least popular member of Carter's administration. Edward Kennedy challenged President Carter for the 1980 Democratic nomination, and at the convention Kennedy's delegates loudly booed Brzezinski. Hurt by internal divisions within his party and a stagnant domestic economy, Carter lost the 1980 presidential election in a landslide. Brzezinski is one of Senator Barack Obama's foreign policy advisers for the presidential campaign of 2008.
  

That doesn't bode well for Obama's candidacy. Hopefully superdelegates like him more than regular delegates.

Today is somebody else's Birthday! Whose Birthday? CEO of Rockmount Ranch Wear Jack Weil's Birthday. How Old Is He? 1,2,3,4... 107! And Never been Kissed By... Death

Jack Weil's name appears on "Live Like You Were Dying's" roster

• Weil is well-known for coining the phrase "The West is not a place, it is a state of mind." He was the first person to put snaps on Western shirts, patented the saw-tooth pocket design seen on many Western shirts, and is credited with inventing the bolo tie.

I'm not sure if any of these things are things you want to be remembered for

... And Many More!

Jonesing for a Fix to Tyrone's Cancer

Background: Tyrone Jones is 46, and a former star player in the CFL. But he's seen better days.

"On a scale of one to 10, I'm a four," he managed over the phone yesterday...

Jones, 46, was given six months to live -- and that was three years ago...

The cancer has disfigured the left side of his face, causing partial paralysis...

"It made the side of his face cave in... He doesn't eat, because the way his face is turned, he really can't chew. And when he swallows, he chokes."

I don't see how this could be worse. Then again, he was a CFL player. If he was an NFL player who had to rely on their sterling care of retired players, he'd probably be dead by now.

[Winnipeg Sun]

Carving Out the Old Nietzsche

The remains of philosopher Friedrich Nietzsche will need to be moved if a German mining company gets the green light to build a massive brown coal mine on top of the thinker's final resting place in the eastern village of Röcken.

According to German press reports, Mitteldeutsche Braunkohlengesellschaft (Mibrag) has been collecting drill samples from locations around the town and is thinking about developing the mine to secure fuel for an electrical generating station.

"If it's possible to dig around it, we will," she said. "We're aware of the cultural and historical treasures here." They'll be ample time to decide. Even if Mibrag decides to forge ahead with the project, it's not expecting to start mining until 2025. Perhaps the last laugh goes to Nietzsche, whose famous declaration that "God is dead" suggests he really couldn't care less what happens to his remains.

Continuing with Nietzsche's postmodern ideas, we wonder if this opens up the debate about whether what's mine is also philosophically mine.

[National Post]

The Family that Prays Together Doesn't Stay Together

I really don't know what to say about this other than "Don't these people know that Easter was last Sunday?"

After reading this, I fully understand why the Communist Party was so anti-religion.

Today is somebody's Birthday! Whose Birthday? Screenwriter and Novelist Budd Schulberg's Birthday. How Old Is He? 1,2,3,4... 94! And Never been Kissed By... Death

Bud Schulberg's name appears on "Live Free or Die Hard's'" roster

• Schulberg encountered political controversy in 1951 when screenwriter Richard Collins, testifying to the House Un-American Activities Committee, named Schulberg as a former member of the Communist Party. Schulberg immediately volunteered to testify and appeared as a friendly witness. He testified that Party members had sought to influence the content of What Makes Sammy Run and "named names" of other alleged Hollywood communists. His testimony saw many of his colleagues added to the Hollywood blacklist.

Bud and Elaine Benes should hang out. Might I suggest "Hop Sing's" for dinner?

Today is somebody else's Birthday! Whose Birthday? Former Chairwoman of Hewlett Packard Patricia C. Dunn's Birthday. How Old Is She? 1,2,3,4... 55! And Never been Kissed By... Death

Patricia C. Dunn's name appears on "BestDeathPoolRosterEver.BlogSpot.Com's" roster

• Dunn is married to William Jahnke, a former head of Wells Fargo Investment Advisors. The couple owns a winery in Australia, a home in Hawaii and property in Contra Costa County.

So despite being fired from her job and being diagnosed with various forms of cancer, it seems as though Ms. Dunn is doing just fine.

... And Many More!

The Way to Abby Mann’s Heart Failure

…is through his heart, not his stomach. But still leads to death.

Best Death Pool Ever’s most recent points death was Richard Widmark, who won acclaim in one of his most famous roles in “The Judgment at Nuremberg.” Today, the man who wrote that screenplay has died.

Abby Mann, who won multiple Emmys and a script writing Oscar for "Judgment at Nuremberg," died of heart failure in Beverly Hills at the age of 84.

Mann also believed in a higher purpose to writing, and often focused his work on themes of justice and equality. He once remarked:

"A writer worth his salt at all has an obligation not only to entertain but to comment on the world in which he lives.”

And that’s just salt-worthy writers. Imagine pepper-writers… what about some Cajun seasoning kind of writer? We here at best death pool ever like to fancy ourselves worth our paprika, but feel free to spice this point up in the comments.

[Variety]

Yuri Gagarin's Time Cut Short on Space

Flying in space posed no risks for Yuri Gagarin, the first man to orbit the Earth. Yet a ride in a fighter plane would lead to his death on this day in 1968. Even four decades later, we're still unsure what led to the crash and to Gagarin's death.

Soviet officials made no official announcement as to the cause of the crash and all the details of the accident were archived and marked "Top Secret." On Thursday, a Russian Air Force official rejected suggestions that a new probe should be launched into Gagarin's death, saying: "No additional investigation is necessary." The Kremlin also turned down an appeal for the case to be reopened in 2007.

However, despite top-level reluctance to look into the causes of the accident, even during Soviet times there were whispers and rumors that the cosmonaut's death was due to something more than a routine training flight gone wrong. Although Gagarin was in the process of retraining as a fighter pilot when his plane went down, both he and his instructor, Vladimir Seryoghin, were hugely experienced pilots.

Because of this important experience factor, many theories have surfaced. Some say it's a machinery failure stemming from the afterburners of a passing jet. Others claim it was an order of deliberate sabotage by a jealous Soviet leader.

And then there are the really far-fetched ones. Aliens. And some say it was all a cover-up to misleading propaganda; these were efforts to cover up that Gagarin never made it to space.

We think it was the poor weather conditions that did Gagarin in. It doesn't rain in Space the way it does in Spain.

[RIA Novosti]