Monday, March 3, 2008

As Democratic Elections in Russia Die, So Does KGB Head

Vitaly Fedorchuk, who briefly headed the KGB, died at the age of 89. He also served as Soviet interior minister in the 1980s. The Federal Security Service, successor to the KGB, said that Fedorchuk died of an "unspecified illness," spy talk for "stop asking questions or they'll Eastern Promise you." (Very NSFW)

Famed Russian Teddy KGB was particularly upset about the Fedorchuk's passing:

On the end of his life: "Hanging around, hanging around. Kid's got alligator blood. Can't get rid of him."

On his emotional state: "It hurts doesn't it? Your hopes dashed, your dreams down the toilet. And your fate is sitting right besides you."

On his heavenly outrage: "Lays down a monster. The fuck did you lay that down?"
He will be laid to rest on Tuesday. The current KGB has not yet decided whether that will be in the ground or at the bottom of an unknown body of water...


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